


Fighting for Eden

by Wazubababi



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:07:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 67,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23827351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wazubababi/pseuds/Wazubababi
Summary: What happens when the world is in peril? Out of duty, fear, or hope someone must stand. It is fight or die as the darkspawn try to destroy Ferelden.
Relationships: Zevran Arainai/Female Cousland, Zevran Arainai/Female Warden
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	1. For Duty

_ How did this happen? _ she wondered as she finally fell to the hard ground and looked up into the night sky. She had hardly eaten since they had escaped the raid on her home, every time she closed her eyes she could see them. Her mother and father huddled on the floor. She heard the older man talking, but she didn't have the heart to listen. She knew she should, that her duty was to the Grey Wardens now, but the anguish in her heart was eating away at her.  _ It's okay to mourn you isn't it? At least for one day let me push my duty aside _ she thought as she rolled onto the floor.

Her mind was her own personal prison. The images of her past constantly flooded her thoughts as guilt weighed down on her heart. She had always felt something was wrong with Arl Howe, that he was never a man to be trusted. She had tried to tell her father of her thoughts before, but he would have nothing of it.

"You need to eat…" the man said plainly, interrupting her thoughts as he sat down next to her. She looked up to the older man. His features were soft for such a rugged man she thought as she turned away from him. "I'm not hungry."

"I know that this is hard for you but you have a duty to—"

"I know my duty," she snapped, "I will honor it. As my father said, the Cousland's always fulfill their duty," she shouted as she sat up, glaring at the warden. "In one night, because of some bloody monsters I lost everything that is dear to me. Can't I just have one night? Just one night to mourn for them? To feel sorry for myself?" she pleaded. "Give me one night and I will be your loyal tool to be used as you see fit," she grunted as she got up and walked into the trees with her faithful mabari, Cain, following close behind her.

"I guess it's just the two of us now," she muttered to Cain as she leaned up against a large tree. "I know… I miss them too… I wish this was a dream," she whispered as she sat on the cold ground as she pat Cain on his head, losing her hand in his raven black fur as tears streamed down her face. "Mother… Father… why?" she sobbed as she hugged Cain tightly.

When the sun began to rise, heavy footsteps snapped twigs and crushed leaves as Duncan explored the woods for his new recruit. Finally, when he heard a deep growl he knew he was close. Slowing his pace he began searching the shadows for her mabari. When the growls became fiercer, Duncan halted in his steps and studied the shadows to see a pair of silver eyes peering at him before angry teeth emerged beneath them.

"Cain… That's enough," she called as she walked up behind Duncan. "Is it time?" she asked promptly.

Duncan could scarcely believe the change in her. Her shoulders were held back as she held her head high. Her eyes were cold and distant, but focused on the man before her. They almost sent a shiver down Duncan's spine as he forced himself to look away. "Indeed, I have made some breakfast but we must make haste. We are traveling south through the Hinterlands to Ostagar, on the edge of the Kocari Wilds," Duncan explained as he turned to head back to his makeshift camp.

"That's where we are going to hold off the horde?" she asked quietly, "Humph… a fitting place," she added as she followed Duncan.

"Very astute," Duncan said as they walked out to the clearing where he had made them some breakfast. "The king's forces have fought with the darkspawn several times and won... but we have not seen the main force of the horde," Duncan explained casually.

"I see, so how many Grey Wardens are there?" she asked quietly as she sat beside Duncan.

"There are few of us, but we are all here," he answered as he motioned to the ruins that could be seen in the horizon.

"One last thing Duncan… I don't want anyone knowing who I am if at all possible," she insisted as she glanced over to the older man as the wind flew through her hair.

The pair ate in silence as they watched the sun rise in the sky. After she gave some of her breakfast to Cain, she got up and readied herself to leave. She had never felt so unprepared in her life. Here she stood about to join the battle with an unfamiliar sword and a dull dagger in hand. Armor blood stained…  _ and probably needed to be sold _ she thought as the wind blew her dark brown locks across her face, hiding her soft features from the world for a brief moment. With a deep breath, she looked over to Duncan and headed towards the ruins of Ostagar.

After hours of walking they finally made it to Ostagar. She looked up and examined the once ornate architecture as she followed Duncan.

"Ho there Duncan!" a voice called finally catching her attention.

"Pardon me your Majesty, I wasn't expecting—a"

"A royal welcome? I was beginning to believe you were going to miss the fun!" the blonde haired man jested as he looked over in her direction. "I see you've brought your new recruit from Highever," he added with a polite smile that almost made her broken heart feel warm.

"Yes, your Majesty, this is—M" Duncan started until Cailan cut him off.

"No need, Duncan. You are Bryce's youngest, are you not? I don't think we've ever actually met." The King said happily as he looked her over.  _ Maker she is as beautiful as the rumors claim _ he thought as he watched the wind blow her dark hair over her shoulders.

"Yes, your Majesty. My name is Merlissia." She answered promptly with a sad smile.  _ You have to try harder,  _ she thought as she faced the handsome man in front of her.

"Your brother has already arrived with Highever's men, but we are still awaiting your father" Cailan announced.

"Fergus made it here alright?!" She blurted out before catching herself.

"Of course he did… Is there some reason why he wouldn't?" Cailan asked calmly.

"So you don't know?" She asked as she tightened her fists by her side, quickly moving them behind her back.

"The information from the north has been unreliable at best, what has happened?" Cailan asked.

"Your Majesty, Ar—" Duncan started to explain until Cailan raised his hand up halting him. Quietly he reached forward, cupping her cheek, forcing her to look at him.

Closing her eyes she took a deep breath, she knew she had to say it to him. She had to say it to someone, just to let it out just once.  _ Just another failed attempt at being brave or strong _ she thought briefly before she opened her eyes. "Arl Rendon Howe… Stalled his men on purpose knowing that my father would follow his duty and send his forces south, to follow your command. He waited for the dead of night and attacked. He meant to kill us all so there would be no questions. His men slaughtered everyone in sight, the Chantry priest, the elder sage, my nephew and his mother, the Teyrn and Teyrna… Everyone. He must have a plan for Fergus…" Merlissia explained coolly as she watched the hurt look in Cailan's eyes.

"And for you?" Cailan asked quickly as he rubbed his thumb across her cheek gently.

"I was never supposed to escape Highever. I'm sure when he realizes it, he'll put something into action," Merlissia acknowledged plainly. 

"Arl Howe planned to use the chaos to better himself. He would have killed everyone and came back here and told you any story he wished," Duncan added as he noticed the anger building in Merlissia's eyes.

"How could he think he could get away with such treachery? As soon as we are done here, I will turn my army north and bring Howe to justice. You have my word," Cailan promised as he pulled Merlissia into him. "I'm so sorry," he whispered as he released her from his light hug.

"Thank you, your Majesty," she replied dutifully.

"No doubt you wish to see your brother. Unfortunately he and his men are scouting in the wilds," Cailan offered.

"I am not eager to tell him, your Majesty." Merlissia admitted calmly as she tried to figure out a way to tell him.  _ How do I explain my being here? How do I tell him I ran as our family was slaughtered? She _ wondered bitterly as she looked into Cailan's eyes. “I am not sure I even know how,” she whispered more to herself than to the King. 

"Of that I have no doubt.. You will see him again once the battle is over I'm certain. But other than that there is nothing more I can do. All I can suggest is that you vent your anger and grief against the darkspawn for the time being," Cailan reassured her.

"Thank you, your Majesty," she answered quietly

"I'm sorry to cut this short but Loghain waits eagerly to bore me with his strategies. But my lady Cousland, I would be honored if you could stop by my tent tonight," Cailan requested as he began to turn back towards the ruins.

"So, if this is truly a blight… how can the army have been having such an easy time with the darkspawn?" Merlissia asked as she turned towards Duncan.

"What the king said is true, they've won several battles against the darkspawn here," he explained calmly in his deep tone.

"Yet you don't sound reassured," Merlissia questioned.

"Despite the victories so far, the horde keeps growing each day… I know there is an archdemon behind this… But I cannot ask the king to act solely on my feeling," he continued on.

"Then maybe we should move quickly," Merlissia replied as she looked over to Duncan to see the surprise in his face.

"Yes. We should proceed with the ritual," he insisted.

"What do you need me to do?" she asked quietly.

"Feel free to explore the camp as you wish, just don't leave… There are two other recruits in the camp. When you're ready seek out Alistair, a fellow Grey Warden. Until then, Cain can stay with me," Duncan explained as he headed across the bridge.

"Fair enough," she snapped as she walked ahead of Duncan looking over the bridge as she made her way across. Slowly she looked around, trying to become more familiar with her surroundings as well as trying to see any of her family's men. But as the king said, her men were out scouting.

Her heart felt heavy as she considered what she would say to him. How could she explain it all to Fergus? She was in the depths of her thoughts when she ran walked into a tall older man, with long black hair.

"Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going, I'm so sorry," she mumbled as she looked up to the man in heavy armor.

"Ah, you are Duncan's new Grey Warden, I assume," Loghain said flatly.

"I am."

"Cailan's fascination with the Wardens goes beyond the ordinary. Are you aware his father brought your order back to Ferelden?" he asked curiously, trying to feel out how knowledgeable she was.

"Yes, as the story is told," said bored.

"Maric respected the Wardens, they have an honored place with our people… But Maric knew that it takes more than legends to win a battle," Loghain explained coolly. "You look familiar. Have I seen you at the Landsmeet?" he asked quickly.

"No, I've never been out of Highever," Merlissia lied, trying to avoid the topic as best as she could.

"But you're Bryce's daughter. I never forget a face," he realized, "The King told me of his promise. I am certain he has every intention of following it through. I don't suppose you'll be riding into the thick of battle with the rest of your fellows will you?" Loghain asked.

"I don't know, hopefully not," Merlissia said calmly as she watched his eyes as he looked over her, as if he was trying to memorize her every last detail.

"I see… As they say you are more than your beauty then," Loghain as he looked her over one last time. "Now I must return to my task. Pray that our king proves amendable to wisdom, if you're the praying sort," he said over his shoulder as he walked past her.

With a shrug Merlissia continued her walk through the ruins, looking over the enormous stone arches and the worn engravings on the wall as she explored. Eventually she found a fellow recruit, Daveth. An interesting man to say the least, but he did have a bright look on things.  _ Maybe he won't be so horrible to fight beside… if nothing else he'll be good for a laugh _ she thought as she watched him go off to collect the last new recruit.

Shaking her head, she looked around as she found that she had finally made a complete round of the ruin.  _ I suppose I better find this Alistair character _ she thought as she turned to back to see an older woman leaning up against a tree.

"Greetings, young lady. You are Duncan's new recruit… He is not a man easily impressed… You should be proud," the white haired woman explained, "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Wynne, one of the mages summoned by the king."

"I am Merlissia, pleased to meet you," answered quickly, hoping that her reputation wasn't as well spread as it had been rumored to be.

"Well met, and good luck to you on the battlefield. To us all in fact," Wynne added politely

"Will you be fighting beside the king?" Merlissia asked curiously.

"Not precisely the Grey Wardens will be on the frontlines… we all have our places in the battlefield. To defeat the darkspawn, we have to work together. It's not an idea everyone seems able to grasp though," Wynne explained calmly.

"So have you fought darkspawn before?" Merlissia continued with half-interest.

"Stragglers yes, but not the large horde the scouts speak of… I wonder… how much do you know of the connection between darkspwan and the Fade?" Wynne asked

"I know the Fade is where you go when you dream, the finer details were always a mystery to me," Merlissia admitted.

"Any time your spirit leaves your earthly body, either to dream or to die, your spirit must go through what we call the Fade. And at the heart of the Fade is the Black City," the mage explained slowly.

"Yes, the former golden city before it was tainted by the Tevinter magisters," Merlissia cut in.

"Indeed… Those tainted mages became the first darkspawn… well at least that's what the chant of light says," Wynne surmised.

"True… the Chantry says many things, but at least it's something to ponder," Merlissia said with a polite bow as she made her way over towards where she was told she would meet Alistair. Slowly she walked up through one of the large arches to see a man in plate armor arguing with a mage.

"You know, one good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together," the man in armor joked as the mage stormed off.

"I know exactly what you mean," Merlissia added with her own hint of sarcasm.

"It's like a party, we could all stand in a circle and hold hands. That would give the darkspawn something to think about!" he continued on, "Wait, we haven't met, have we? I don't suppose you happen to be another mage?" he asked curiously.

"Would that make your day worse?" Merlissia smiled, "But no, do not worry. I am no mage," she reassured him.

"Less being yelled at for me then, though the day is still young—Wait you're Duncan's new recruit from Highever! I should have recognized you right away. I apologize," he realized quickly.

"Oh yes, with all the stories of my beauty being told over the land you should have known exactly who I was the moment you set eyes on me," Merlissia laughed, knowing full well that there were in fact rumors like that told throughout the cities. "That's alright. No offense taken," she added with a laugh.

"Good. You didn't exactly catch me at my finest with the mage there. Allow me to introduce myself; I am Alistair the new Grey Warden… Though I suppose you knew that already. As the junior member of the order I'll be accompanying you when you prepare for the Joining." Alistair explained.

"Pleased to meet you. My name is Merlissia," she greeted plainly.

"Right, that was the name… Hmm… you know it just occurred to me there have never been many women in the Grey Wardens. I wonder why that is?" he pondered out loud.

"Probably because we're too smart to join up," Merlissia joked.

"Oh… But if you're here, what does that make you?" Alistair asked curiously.

"Just one of the boys?" Merlissia asked with a shrug.

"Sad isn't it… So I'm curious... Have you ever actually encountered darkspawn before?" He asked, trying to feel out how prepared he could expect her to be.

"No… Have you?

"When I fought my first one... I wasn't prepared for how monstrous it was… I can't say I am looking forward to encountering another one… Anyhow, whenever you're ready lets head back to Duncan. I imagine he's eager to get things started." Alistair explained nervously as he ran his hand through his hair.

"I suppose... I met Daveth in camp… He said he was going to get the other recruit and he'd be at Duncan's tent when we were ready," Merlissia said as she rubbed her arm gingerly. "Well then, I look forward to traveling with you," Merlissia added with a smile.

"Really? That's a switch," Alistair said quickly as he started to head towards Duncan's tent.

"You found Alistair did you? Good. I'll assume you're ready to start preparations… That is if you're done sassing the mages Alistair," Duncan scolded before he started explaining what our tasks were… 3 vials of blood and to collect some papers,  _ oh joy _ Merlissia thought as she listened to Duncan explain everything. Silently she looked over at the other two recruits, Daveth seemed to accept the mission well but the taller man… He looked nervous she thought as she examined his stance, comparing those around her.

_ Well… this is going to be interesting if nothing else. _


	2. ...Swooping is Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After arriving in Ostagar, Merlissia Cousland must prepare to take the ritual to join the Grey Wardens.

"So this is the Kocari Wilds huh?" Merlissia said as she kicked a random rock.  _ Fergus? Are you still out here? _ she wondered to herself as she scanned the area to try and see if she could find any clues of a scouting party. The tension that was building in their little group was easy to feel as they walked further into the Wilds observing the random dead bodies decorating the ground.

Quietly they fell in line, the large knight staying in the rear alongside Alistair as Daveth remained in the middle, leaving Merlissia to lead the bunch.  _ No use trying to sneak up on any darkspawn here with that idiot around _ she thought as she glared back at the large knight who was carelessly stomping around.

"Jory, you said you were from Redcliffe?" Merlissia asked curiously.

"I hail from Redcliffe. But Duncan recruited me in Highever, a city off the northern coast. Have you traveled there?" Jory asked curiously.

"I'm from there," Merlissia answered cautiously as she began to ignore the blubbering knight as he rambled on and on about his wife.  _ I wish I didn't ask _ she thought as she began to get annoyed with the fool behind her.  _ That's right… he's the one who won the tournament _ she remembered as he babbled on.

Before he could finish she turned to Daveth,  _ hopefully he'll have a better tale to tell _ she thought as she asked him where he was from. Listening to his tale. "So you're a cutpurse? Must be good with your hands then," Merlissia said casually. "So, how did Duncan enlist you?" she asked curiously.

"Eh… I cut Duncan's purse as he was standing in the crowd," he started, explaining how Duncan ended up conscripting him.

"Nice, I like you," Merlissia said with a laugh. "Battles aren't won on strength alone.. Finesse is quite needed skill," she added with a sly smile.

"So, the symbol on your armor… that's one of the Teyrn's symbols isn't it?" Daveth asked quietly as he walked up beside Merlissia.

"Yes," she answered coldly. She didn't really mean to sound so bitter towards the man, he seemed likeable enough… she just didn't want any questions. Luckily, before she began to make up some explanation they heard a quiet shuffling in the distance.

"Hey… Over here!" a soldier called.

Quickly the bunch headed over towards him.

"Who is that? Grey Wardens?" the soldier gasped out.

"Well he's not half as dead as he looks, is he?" Alistair said lightly as they approached him. Merlissia couldn't help the muffled chuckle that escaped her as she heard his comment.

"My scouting band was attacked by darkspawn… The came out of the ground…. Please, help me! I've got to… return to camp…" the injured soldier pleaded.

"We can take him back to camp can't we? I don't see how it will hurt… it's not like we're that far," Merlissia said as she saw her family's crest on his armor.

"If you just bandage me up, I can get back myself," he groaned as Alistair knelt down and pulled out his bandages. "Wait? It's you?" the guard asked as he got a better look at Merlissia, causing the rest of her companions to turn and look at her.

"Hush, sir knight… you need your strength to get back to camp," Merlissia said quietly as she helped the soldier to his feet.

"Thank you. I have to get out of here," the man said as he stumbled off.

"Did you hear? An entire patrol of seasoned men taken down by darkspawn!" Jory rambled nervously as he watched the soldier make his way back towards the ruins.

"Calm down Jory, we'll be fine if we're careful," Alistair tried to reassure the knight but it was plain to see he wasn't taking it.

"Those soldiers were careful, and they were still overwhelmed. How many darkspawn can the four of us slay? A dozen? A hundred?" He asked plainly as he looked over to see Daveth standing idly by, and Merlissia already starting to make her way further into the Wilds.

"There are darkspawn about, but we are no were near the bulk of the horde," Alistair insisted, trying to calm the knight down still.

"How do you know? I'm not a coward, but this is foolish and reckless. We should go back," Jory added nervously.

"Humph, you sure sound like a coward to me," Merlissia snapped as she glanced over her shoulder to Jory.

"I… I am simply trying to stay alive, you don't see me fleeing do you?" Jory asked as he hurried up to her, pulling her shoulder forcing her to face him. Finally, able to get a better look at the woman. Her eyes were like those of the forest at twilight, a deep green that faded into an amber burst as if it were the sun shining over the trees. He had only seen a woman with eyes like those once, back in Highever, but they weren't as cold back then. When he finally had the mind to inquire about her Alistair finally spoke up.

"A bit of fear isn't unnatural you know. Few relish meeting darkspawn up close. I know I don't," he said calmly as he gave a stern look towards Merlissia who shrugged him off.

"I didn't say that I did.. but this is what is required of us, so let's just get it done," she snapped as she turned away from Jory to try and get her party moving.

"Know this: all Grey Wardens can sense darkspawn. Whatever their cunning, I guarantee that we won't be taken by surprise." Alistair reassured the group.

"See Sir knight, we might die… but at least we'll be warned about it first," Daveth said with a laugh as he started to follow behind Merlissia.

"No! Wait up!" Jory shouted, angry from how Merlissia had treated him. "I know you, You're Merlissia C—"

Instantly he felt a dagger pressed firmly into his neck. Wide-eyed he looked over to see Merlissia's eyes glaring at him. "Not. One. More. Word. Or your wife will be missing a husband… if she's not dead already," Merlissia said dryly. Her tone was dark and cold to match her eyes.

"You wouldn't!" Jory shouted trying to call her bluff.

With a smirk she pressed her dagger a little harder as she cut a small knick into his neck, "Oh I wouldn't, would I?" she asked coldly. "I don't see how you would be any use to the Grey Wardens," she added as she pulled her dagger away. "You all know all that you need to about me," she said plainly as she turned to walk away.

"And I thought I was quick with a blade," Daveth said as he walked past the shocked knight. "I'm glad she likes me," he added lightly.

"Oh look… friends!" Merlissia said with an evil smile as monsters began sprouting from the soil.  _ Must be darkspawn  _ she figured as even more appeared from the shadows. Quietly she pulled out the blade and the old dagger she had picked up on her way to Ostagar. Had it been with a different adversary she would have liked to see how the other's fought, but this wasn't the time for that. It was only a small group of darkspawn, easy enough to dispatch she told herself.

Merlissia swung her sword up high, deflecting the darkspawn's axe as she spun around the foul creature, stabbing her dagger in the side of it's head. "Alistair! Does it matter what kind of darkspawn blood we collect?" Merlissia shouted as she yanked her dagger out of the hurloc's head.

"Nope, just anyone offering some up would be great!" Alistair shouted back as he rammed his shield into the darkspawn rogue in front of him. Quickly he took a glance to see Daveth toying with his prey, Jory on the other hand was trying to battle the beast while keeping as much distance between him and his opponent as possible.  _ Not a bad tactic… but is it out of fear or strategy? _ Alistair wondered as he shifted his gaze over to the woman on his left.  _ She's very aware, considering it's her first time fighting darkspawn, _ Alistair thought as he watched her glance around the perimeter for new opponents as she beheaded her foe.

Her eyes, they were cold and calculating. As if they were daring the darkspawn on. Her dark hair whipped through the air as she spun around her enemies.  _ I don't understand her style… her weapons are like that of a rogue but her stance is not as refined as it should be _ Alistair thought as he watched her.

Quickly she spun around her foe dodging his thrust as she flung her dagger. "Behind you!" She shouted, finally bringing Alistair back to the fight as he looked to see a hurlok falling to its knees, it had it's sword already raised high, and ready to strike. With a deep breath he saw her dagger lodged deeply in the monster's throat. Quickly he looked back to her to see that she hadn't missed a beat. She took a large step to the right as she bent down picking up a darkspawn's axe and lodging it into the emissary beside her as his spell began to fade before her.

Slowly she stood up, looking the creature in the eye as it began to falter. Quickly she cut a deep gash in it's neck and pressed her vial against the creature's throat. Once the vial was full she kicked the darkspawn to the ground as she capped her vial.

"Everyone got what you came for?" Merlissia asked calmly as she started searching the darkspawn.

"What are you doing?" Jory asked, clearly disgusted with her actions.

"Looking for anything useful. Daveth you use a bow right? Here's a quiver full of arrows," Merlissia said as she tossed them to him. "Everyone got their vial of blood?" she asked, looking up to see Daveth and Jory nod.

"Good, now to find those treaties… Duncan said you'd know the way… so Where to?" Merlissia asked calmly as she looked over the group. No one looked injured from what she could tell, so they couldn't be that bad of fighters Merlissia thought.

"Can we just take a minute?" Jory asked as he looked over the group of darkspawn littering the ground.

"Yes, take a couple minutes to rest," Alistair said as he watched Merlissia start to walk off. "We'll be back," he added as he followed after her.

"She is a beauty isn't she?" Daveth said motioning in the direction Merlissia walked off in.

"Oh she is… The rumors of her do her no justice," Jory commented, "Of course she does not compare to my wife," he added quickly.

"Right…. She has rumors of her beauty?" Daveth asked curiously, looking to see if she was close enough to hear them.

"You haven't realized who she is? That's Merlissia Cousland, the fabled daughter of Teyrn Bryce Cousland. Stories of her beauty had spread throughout Ferelden…" Jory explained.

"You're shitting me! That's her? Maker she is easy on the eyes…" Daveth agreed as he scanned the perimeter for their comrades.

****Meanwhile****

"So, thanks for watching my back," Alistair said happily as he leaned up against one of the nearby pillars.

"Don't worry about it," Merlissia said quietly as she knelt down washing the darkspawn blood from her hands and face. "So, did you always want to be a Grey Warden?" she asked as she sat down on a nearby log.

"You first," Alistair retorted quickly, more curious of her answer than he was to explain his past.

"I'll admit as a child… Growing up, listening to all the stories… The excitement, honor, self-sacrifice… it was a romantic idea," she started as she looked up into the sky, watching the setting sun. "But now… I would give it all up to go back," she admitted quietly, quickly stealing a glance over to see Alistair watching her like a sad puppy. "But that's not possible… So I will not fail," she said, her voice a little stronger as her eyes focused on the random rock on the ground.

"Your turn," Merlissia asked as she looked up to him. "Unless you don't want to discuss it. Everyone has a past and I can respect that," Merlissia admitted when Alistair hesitated.

"So, you don't really seem to like Jory," Alistair asked nervously.

"Nope… He's a coward," Merlissia said bluntly as she stood up. "For a guard he is capable of fighting some brute… but this? No. You saw him," Merlissia explained calmly.

"That could have been his strategy you know, who would want to get that close to a darkspawn?" Alistair asked lightly.

Quickly Merlissia turned around grabbing Alistair's shoulder. "He's a liability to everyone around him… and you know it," she explained as she looked him in the eye. "That wasn't the stance of that type of fighter… As a templar I'm sure you know that," she spat. "That was a frightened boy," she finished bitterly.

As much as Alistair hated to admit it, he knew she was right. "Either way, it's not our decision to make," Alistair said quietly as they walked up to the pair. "Ready? We cannot afford to dally any longer," he instructed as Merlissia headed in the direction Alistair had turned towards.

_ So, a Chantry boy… he could be fun to toy with, Merlissia _ thought as she made her way through the marsh, careful to not step into the water. "So what do you think the scouts ran into? Nothing so far seems so difficult that they should have been caught so off guard," Merlissia asked looking back over her shoulder at the slow group. Carefully she threw a rock at one of the traps watching as it popped up from the earth.

"I'll take care of those in no time," Daveth offered as he hurried to the traps, easily disabling them.

"How much further?" Jory asked prompt as Daveth finished the last trap.

"Not far, just over that hill," Alistair reassured the nervous knight.  _ She's right about him… he's going to endanger everyone around him _ Alistair thought as he stole a quick glance at the woman standing before him, catching a glance of her neck as the wind blew her hair from her shoulders. He frowned as he saw the beginnings of a deep bruise forming.

"Thank you Daveth," Merlissia cooed quietly as she let her fingers glide over his shoulder as she walked passed.

Small groups of darkspawn appeared every once in a while which they easily dispatched, each time Merlissia took the time to look over her companions. Daveth had adjusted to the creatures fast enough, it was as though he were playing with them at this point. Alistair fought bravely enough, not too aggressive, just did what was necessary. It was clear he didn't relish the act of killing. Finally, Jory. He still fought with the same cowardice she thought, she could give him the first fight.. but now it was clear. He was a weakness to their group.

_ Ignorant fool _ Merlissia thought bitterly as she plunged her sword into the darkspawn's head spewing his blood all over herself and the ground. Quietly she sighed as she rubbed the blood from her face with a rag, before she looked into the old ruins. Briefly she scanned over the area as she headed towards the small chest lying on the ground.  _ Well that is certainly convenient _ she thought as she knelt down to see the chest had been broken into and barren.

"Well, well. What have we here? Are you a vulture? I wonder. A scavenger poking amidst a corps whose bones have been long since cleaned? Or merely an intruder, come into these darkspawn filled Wilds of mine in search of easy prey? What say you, hmm? Scavenger or intruder?" the woman asked as she walked down from the ruins.

"I am neither. The Grey Wardens once owned this tower," Merlissia replied to the woman as she saw the hesitation in her companions.

"'Tis a tower no longer… The Wilds have obviously claimed this desiccated corpse. I have watched your progress for some time. Where do they go I wondered. Why are they here? And now you disturb ashes none have touched for so long. Why is that?" the woman said as she walked passed the group.

"Don't answer her, she looks chasined. That means there might be others nearby," Alistair warned quietly.

"Oh you fear barbarians will swoop down upon you," the woman laughed as she shrugged her shoulders.

"…Yes… Swooping is bad," he said quietly.

"She's a witch of the wilds I tell you," Daveth muttered quietly in the background.

"Witch of the wilds, such idle fantasies. Tell me do you not have a mind of your own? You there. Women do not frighten like little boys. Tell me your name and I shall tell you mine," The woman offered quickly as she looked over Merlissia and her companions.

"I am Merlissia. A pleasure to meet you."

"Now that is a proper civil greeting, even here in the Wilds. You may call me Morrigan. Shall I guess your purpose? You were searching for something in that chest, something that is here no longer?" Morrigan asked lightly.

“Here no longer? What do you mean you stole them didn't you, you're some kind of sneaky witch thief,” Alistair questioned quickly.

“How does one steal from dead men?” Morrigan pondered curiously.

"Quite easily it seems, those are Grey Warden property. Return them," Alistair demanded.

"I will not, for 'twas not I who removed them. Invoke a name that means nothing here any longer if you wish; I am not threatened," she taunted coolly.

"Then who removed them?" Merlissia asked, growing a little tired of all the talking.

"Twas my mother, in fact," Morrigan replied with a sly smile.

_ Maker save me if this doesn't end soon _ she thought before responding to Morrigan "Can you take us to her then?"

"There is a sensible request. I like you," Morrigan answered as she began to turn around.

"I'd be careful, first it's I like you… then zap frog time," Alistair warned, only to see Merlissia shake her head.

"Follow me then, if it pleases you," Morrigan offered over her shoulder as she headed into the thick brush.

"Mother, I bring before you 4 grey wardens who—"

"I see them girl.. hmmm much as I expected," the old woman answered quickly.

"Are we supposed to believe you were expecting us?" Alistair questioned lightly, trying to suppress the chuckle that escaped him.

"You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut ones eyes tight or open them wide… either way, one's a fool," the old woman snapped as she looked over Alistair. Quickly her old eyes turned their attention to Merlissia, "And what of you? Does your woman's mind give you a different viewpoint? Or do you believe as these boys do?"

"I'm not sure what to believe." Merlissa admitted as she watched the old woman.

"A statement that possesses more wisdom than it implies. Be always aware or is it oblivious? I can never remember. So much about you is uncertain and yet I believe do I ? why it seems I do.." the woman rambled on.

"They didn't come to listen to your wild tales, mother" Morrigan cut in as her mother mocked Jory and Daveth's chatter.

"True, they came for their treaties yes? Before you start barking the seal wore off long ago.. I have been protecting these" the woman explained slowly.

"You… oh.. you protected them?" Alistair began to shout before realizing his tone.

"And why not? Take them to your Grey Wardens and tell them this Blight's threat is greater than they realize!" She warned calmly.

"Thank you for returning them," Merlissia said with a polite bow.  _ I'll have to get over these formalities… _ she thought as she looked up to the older woman.

"Such manners, always in the last place you look… like stockings. Oh do not mind me, you have what you came for," the old woman laughed as she looked over towards Morrigan.

"Time for you to go then," Morrigan said happily.

"Do not be ridiculous girl, these are your guests," the old woman insisted.

"Oh very well, I will show you out of the wood, follow me."


	3. No Going Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After surviving the ritual, it's time for battle.

With a heavy sigh Merlissia shrugged off her armor in her tent,  _ what am I supposed to wear to meet with the King? _ she thought as she pulled off her blood stained shirt. Slowly she reached down to pick up her spare shirt to put on when she heard someone enter the tent she was given to bathe and change in. Quickly she looked over her shoulder to see Alistair staring dumbly.

"Yes?" Merlissia asked as she weaved her arms into the shirt and pulling it over her head.

Speechless, Alistair stood looking over the contours of her back. His eyes pausing over the deep purple regions that were beginning to form on her shoulders and sides. "I… I uh..." he stammered as he turned around to face the tent. "I was sent to remind you that the King is expecting you, I am to escort you," Alistair finally managed after diverting his gaze. "I'll wait for you outside," he offered as he hurried out of the tent.  _ Maker she's gorgeous… but those bruises… what happened to her? _ He wondered as he paced around with the image of her soft curves floating around in his head.  _ If that was her back… could she be nearly as perfect… _ he was trying to think when she walked out of the tent.

"Alright… Let's get this over with," Merlissia said as she emerged from the tent in a loose shirt that sat low on her shoulders and tight black leggings. Alistair couldn't help but to notice how she tried to wear her hair down to hide the bruises on her neck and shoulders, that and the way her leggings clung to her hips.

"If you would, hold on a moment," Alistair said nervously, trying to avoid looking at her. Quickly he walked into Cailan's tent to find him talking to a shirtless woman with shoulder length blond hair. Quickly her sapphire eyes flashed up to him. She didn't flinch, her eyes didn't waver nor did she blush.

Cailan instructed her to turn around to show Alistair what he was looking at. Alistair watched as the woman nodded slowly before she turned and pulled her hair to the side. His eyes narrowed on the on the slight pink lines that rimmed the scars on her back. Breathlessly he listened as Cailan explained that Templars were the ones who inflicted such wounds on her.

"But, your Majesty, they only hunt down—"

"Apostates," the woman said quietly as she looked at him.

"You mean… You're an apostate?" Alistair asked dumbly, "But you joined the King's army? Why?"

"Why not? Both the Chantry as well as the Circle want me dead. I might as well die doing something useful," she said plainly.

Merlissia walked in as the fair-haired woman finished explaining how she acquired her scars to Alistair, watching coolly as his eyes widened with disbelief.

"I have given my word to this young woman that if she survives the battle that I will not pursue her, that she will be able to remain in my ranks or flee," Cailan explained quietly as she made a polite bow to those in the tent before she walked out.

"Maker.. how could they do that to her?" Alistair stumbled as her story echoed in his mind.

"Another sad sod joining the recruits?" Merlissia asked coldly.

"Now, I would expect some sympathy from you… your situations aren't all that different," Cailan said calmly as he turned to Alistair. "That'd be all Alistair, thank you,"

After a polite bow Alistair fled the tent and searched for the apostate. He could see her arguing with a dark haired boy. For a while Alistair stood idly by watching the pair.  _ They look similar… a brother maybe? _ he thought as he watched them fight before the girl stormed off towards some distant tent, only to be stopped when the man grabbed her wrist pulling her towards him.

Quickly Alistair made his way to the pair in time to catch the man's wrist as he had it raised towards the blonde beauty in front of him. "Whoa there!" Alistair said as he pulled the dark haired man back. "What is going on here?" he demanded calmly as he watched how the woman didn't flinch or even try to avoid the man's fist.

For a few minutes the three stood there in silence.

"Are you alright?" Alistair finally said, trying to fill the awkward silence.

"I'm fine. This would be my brother, Carver," she said motioning over to the dark haired man that was still caught in Alistair's grasp. "You're the Grey Warden from before?"

"Yes, Alistair," he said introducing himself as he let Carver go.

"You're a… Grey Warden?" Carver said quietly, looking over Alistair as if he were some mural on a wall. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to speak with your sister, so if you wouldn't mind," Alistair said calmly as he watched Carver huff and storm off. "Younger brother?" Alistair finally asked when he was far enough away.

"Yes."

"I just… I just wanted to apologize.. I am not a templar but what happened to you… I'm so sorry," Alistair said quickly, "I can't believe that you would come to fight here," he admitted softly.

"Why not? I'm going to die one way or another," she said nonchalantly.

"But to defend a nation that would see you dead?" Alistair pushed.

"Better to wait for death then? I don't know… It gave me money to send to my family," she said with a soft smile.

"Would you join the Grey Wardens?" Alistair asked plainly.

"I… I don't see why they would want me…" she said quietly as she looked to the ground.

"I could see if there is time… maybe after the battle… you would be able to stop running at the very least," Alistair explained as he watched her nod. "Very well, I'll find you after the battle is over," Alistair said as he gave her a quick nod and made his way to Duncan's tent.

***meanwhile***

"She has lost so much in one day, as you have. Forced to take her lover's life so he wouldn't suffer, watched as templars toyed with her father before killing him… her own brother stabbed her in the back… It's a miracle she's even still alive." Cailan said quietly as he offered Merlissia a seat. Briefly, he explained what Merlissia had told him before he switched over to how to deal with Howe.

He sat quietly listening to the gritty details of what she saw, what had happened. He watched as she turned away, angry, ashamed of fleeing her home and family. As she turned he could see the bruises that were growing on her neck, making him frown.

"I am truly sorry that all this has happened… but I promise you, I will turn my army north and you will have your lands back," Cailan said softly.

Merlissia wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe that justice would be done and everything would be made right, but how could they. Her family had been slaughtered, their blood stained the walls of her home.

It wasn't much longer when Alistair came back into the tent, requesting Merlissia. That it was time for the joining. Silently they walked towards the old temple to wait for Duncan with the other recruits.

"The more I hear about this joining, the less I like it." Jory said nervously.

"Are you blubbering again?" Daveth asked.

"Why all these damned tests? Have I not earned my place?" Jory asked with a heavy dose of annoyance in his voice.

"Maybe it's tradition. Maybe they're just trying to annoy you," Daveth snapped with a smirk as he looked over to Merlissia.

"Calm down. There's nothing we can do about it now," she said coolly as she looked over to Jory.  _ How anyone allowed you to be a knight is astounding _ she thought bitterly.

"I only know that my wife is in Highever with a child on the way. If they warned me… it just doesn't seem fair," Jory complained.

_ And we're back to his wife again… does he ever shut up? _

"Would you have come if they'd warned you? Maybe that's why they don't. The Wardens do what they must right?" Daveth asked quickly.

_ He really is a brave man… for a cutpurse he really is a man _ she thought as she watched Daveth argue with Jory.

"Including sacrificing us?" Jory pushed on as he stared the shorter man down.

"I'd sacrifice a lot more if I knew it would end the Blight," Daveth said solemnly.

_ He really is what the Grey Wardens are looking for… willing to do it all… maybe I shouldn't be here… but… but it is my duty _ she thought before she decided to speak up. "You make a good point Daveth."

"You saw those darkspawn, ser knight. Wouldn't you die to protect your pretty wife from them?" Daveth asked directly.

"I…"

_ Coward. _

"Maybe you'll die. Maybe we'll all die. If nobody stops the darkspawn, we'll die for sure." Daveth encouraged

I've just never faced a foe I could not engage with my blade," Jory admitted as Duncan walked into the old temple.

"At last we come to the Joining," he said as he walked over to the small table that had been set up with a small goblet on it. "The Grey Wardens were founded during the first Blight, when humanity stood on the verge of annihilation. So it was that the first Grey Wardens drank of darkspawn blood and mastered their taint," Duncan explained as he stood beside the table looking over the three recruits when Jory spoke up.

"We're… going to drink the blood of those… those creatures?" He stumbled nervously.

"As the first Grey Wardens did before us, as we did before you. This is the source of our power and our victory," Duncan explained as he slowly approached the group.

"Those who survive the Joining become immune to the taint. We can sense it in the darkspawn and use it to slay the archdemon," Alistair chimed in as he looked towards Jory.

_ Well that sounds pleasant… But there's no going back… nothing to go back to _ Merlissia thought as she listened to their words.  _ Maybe if I'm lucky it ends here… _

"Not all who drink the blood will survive and those who do are forever changed. This is why the Joining is a secret. It is the price we pay," Duncan said as he looked over Jory's nervous expression. "We speak only a few words prior to the Joining, but these words have been said since the first. Alistair, if you would?" Duncan asked as he turned to get the goblet from the table.

"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand, vigilant. Join as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten and that one day we shall join you," Alistair recited the words slowly, quietly. It felt like the calm before the storm.

Merlissia watched as Jory eyed the goblet. She could see it… he would refuse the ritual… but there was no turning back, even she knew that.

"Daveth, step forward," Duncan said as he held out the silver goblet.

Merlissia watched as the goblet seemed to glow in the moonlight. It was a sad sight in itself. She watched as Daveth stepped forward and drank from the sad glass and handed it back to Duncan. It was like she could feel it, the taint that swept through him. He wasn't going to master it, and it hurt. It hurt her to watch Daveth fail even though he was willing to give it all. Slowly her eyes left Daveth's limp form to see Jory slowly backing away.

_ I'm sorry Daveth… _

His eyes were wide with fear as Duncan addressed him. She listened as he brought up his excuses of having a wife and child. That if he knew he wouldn't have come. He was answered by the clear fact that there was no going back. He was a fool for not knowing, and a coward. She watched as Duncan set the chalice down and easily deflected Jory's sword as he thrust his blade into the knight's side.

_ Her eyes… they don't falter. She is not afraid, nor is she eager… She watches all this without so much as a flinch _ Alistair noticed as she watched Duncan approach her with the goblet.

"You were called upon to submit yourself to the taint for the greater good," Duncan explained coolly as he watched Merlissia huff before she drank from the chalice. The blood burned as he made its way down her throat. Slowly she gave the goblet back as she felt the taint spread within her. It's like she could hear it challenging her. Mocking her… or was it cooing her to death.

_ Know that we love you… and know you'll do us proud pup. _

She heard it, it was her father's voice.  _ No… I will not die here… my duty is not done! _ she thought as she saw images of the archdemon before her eyes.  _ I will not fear you _ she thought to herself as she felt her body respond. Moments later she woke up with Alistair and Duncan hovering over her.

"It is finished… Welcome," Duncan said quietly.

"Two more deaths.. In my Joining only one of us died… but it was horrible. I'm glad at least one of you made it though," Alistair said as he watched Merlissia pull herself from the ground rubbing the back of her head.

"How do you feel?" Duncan asked as she stood.

"Fine," she lied.

"Did you have dreams? I had terrible dreams after my Joining," Alistair added.

_ He talks a lot… _

"Such dreams come when you begin to sense the darkspawn as we all do. That and many other things can be explained in the moths to come," Duncan explained.

"Before I forget, there is one last part to your joining," he said calmly, his face was quiet as he looked into her eyes to see the small grey cracks that now surged through them. "We take some of that blood and put it in a pendant. Something to remind us of those who didn't make it this far.

"Take some time, when you're ready I'd like you to accompany me to a meeting with the king," Duncan said calmly before he turned and walked down the stairs to the meeting.

"I'm sorry Daveth," she whispered softly before she turned to Alistair with a feigned smile and followed after Duncan.

Slowly she walked up to a table lit up by candles. She could see Duncan standing on the far side of the table as she approached and took her spot beside Duncan. Quietly she listened to the strategy they had planned. The King and his forces would hit the horde straight on while Loghain and his men would flank them when they receive the signal from the Tower of Ishal. It seemed logical enough, and really the only way plausible for a large battle to be prosperous… but something still seemed off. Something in his eyes sent a chill down her spine.

"I understand congratulations are in order," Cailan said as he turned to Merlissia.

"Thank you, your Majesty."  _ Why does he care? _

"Every grey warden is needed now, you should be honored to join their ranks," Cailan

"Who shall light this beacon? It is not a difficult task but it is vital. Then we should send our best." Cailan said as he looked up to Merlissia. "Send Alistair and Merlissia to make sure it's done," the King commanded as he watched her for her response.

"I'll do my best, your Majesty," she said respectfully.  _ Why can I not fight alongside the others… a chance to… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes... there is a cameo in there for my Hawke... Surprise!


	4. The Tower of Ishal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lighting the beacon. Sending their best.

_ Going to light a fucking beacon? What the fuck am I, an errand girl? _ Merlissia thought bitterly as she followed behind Duncan.

"Not thrilled with the King's command?" Duncan asked as he looked over his shoulder to Merlissia.

"Humph," she scowled as she glared at Duncan. "You know the answer to this, so why do you bother asking?" she asked quietly as she laid her hand on her family's blade.

"But you can't take Highever back without his aid," Duncan surmised as he approached his tent where Alistair was waiting.

"Enough," she snapped, "You know I can’t, now move on," she finished as she glanced over to Alistair's curious smirk, before glancing back to Duncan.

_ Man she is cold _ Alistair thought as he watched Merlissia.  _ How can she treat this like she's obligated to do this rather than being honored to be part of the Grey Wardens. _

"You heard the plan. You and Alistair will go to the Tower of Ishal and ensure the beacon is lit," Duncan said, cutting Alistair's attention from looking over Merlissia's armor.

"What, I won't be in the battle?" Alistair quickly asked.

"This is by the King's personal request, Alistair. If the beacon is not lit, Teyrn Loghain's men won't know when to charge," Duncan insisted quietly.

"So he needs two Grey Wardens up there holding the torch. Just in case right?" Alistair asked with a bit of sarcasm biting his words.

"You already know my thoughts on this," Merllissia said quietly.

"That is not your choice if King Cailan wishes grey wardens to be there to light the beacon then we will be there. Grey Wardens do what we must, exciting or no," Duncan explained quietly.

"I get it, I get it. Just so you know, if the king ever asks me to put on a dress and dance the Remigold, I'm drawing the line. Darkspawn or no," He said defiantly as he stole a quick glance to Merlissia.  _ Maker is that? It looks as though she might smile, he _ thought before he heard her honey voice speak up.

"I think I'd like to see that… if nothing else it would serve as a great distraction," Merlissia said with a small smirk as she glanced over to Alistair.

"Hmm, for you maybe… but it has to be a pretty dress," Alistair said as he looked over, ignoring the groan from Duncan.  _ How does a woman like her end up here? _ he thought as he looked over how the fire illuminated her skin.

"The tower is on the other side of the ruins, by where we came in. You'll need to cross the gorge and head through the gate and up the tower entrance. From the top, you'll overlook the entire valley." Duncan explained, already tired of Alistair's glibness.

"Sounds easy enough, what are we looking for as a signal?" Merlissia asked, her tone almost hurt Alistair's ears as it returned to it's neutral cold.

"We will signal you when the time is right. Alistair will know what to look for," Duncan answered as he looked down at her. His image was almost consuming with the large fire dancing behind him.

"Once the beacon is lit what will you have us do? Remain in the tower? Join the battle?" Merlissia asked as if listing off a checklist for the market.

"You will remain back, we'll send a message if you are needed. And for Maker's sake if the archdemon appears, no heroics. Let us handle it. There isn't much time, so prepare yourself," Duncan warned as he turned and headed for the troops.

"Do you need anything from the quartermaster before we head out?" Merlissia asked as she glanced at Alistair as she made her way to the merchant.

"Yes, yes I know what you sell," she said impatiently as the quartermaster tried to talk her into buying his 'special' goods. "Look, I want to sell this junk. It's too much of a bother to keep around," Merlissia said as she laid out everything she acquired from the Wilds.

After taking her coin, and buying a new pack she turned to Alistair with a raised brow, questioning if he needed anything. Quickly her eyes shifted over to see Cain sitting in the shadows waiting for them to finish so that he could follow behind. She had always found it interesting that her mabari would follow behind her like that, she supposed it was easier for him to keep an eye on her that way.

Finally with a shrug she headed towards the large bridge she had walked across when she arrived. Easily she weaved out of the way of the guards as they ran this way and that.  _ The battle has already started? _ she thought as she started to pick up her pace with Alistair by her side, hesitating only when something told her to look over to the side to see an enormous mass of fire flying their way.  _ Fuck _ she cursed inwardly as she watched Cain run passed them already aware of the danger.

With a quiet grunt she shoved Alistair forward as hard as she could, ignoring his sudden protest. She watched as he stumbled beside Cain seconds before the mass exploded on the wall sending her skidding off to the side.

Slowly she pushed herself up with a scowl, spitting a quick come on to Alistair as she ran past him.

"Are you alright?" Alistair shouted as he watched her climb to her feet.

"Never better… now go!" She shouted.

"Not that this is the right time for it and all… but it seems like we have a demon friend following us," Alistair shouted as he motioned towards Cain.

"Hey as long as he attacks darkspawn I'm fine with it," she shouted back as she glanced back at Cain who trotted happily behind them.

It didn't take them long to get across the bridge, surprising how much quicker you're willing to move when monsters are shooting things at you. Silently Alistair watched as Merlissia pulled out her sword and a spare dagger she had picked up in the Wilds. He watched as she spun around the charging darkspawn, giving him a quick glance of the deep purple bruise decorating the back of her neck.  _ Later _ he thought as he drew his own blade.

"Looks like we'll be getting all that excitement you were so worried about missing," Merlissia snapped as she slashed her dagger through the side of one of the darkspawn faces in front of her.

"Kind of wish I could take that back now," Alistair shouted as he plunged his heavy sword into the guts of a downed hurloc.

"I hope you've come to the same conclusion I have," she shouted back as she swatted down a spear that had been hurled at Alistair.

"And what's that?" He asked as he realized what she had just done.  _ Who is this woman? The way she fights… she prefers the weapons of a rogue but fights like a warrior would, but still.. _ his thoughts were interrupted when she started to answer him.

"If the =darkspawn are here, the tower has been taken.. there must be something connecting the battlefield up to here," she explained plainly as she remembered what the guard had told her earlier when she was exploring… something about lower chambers?

_ Maker could she be right? _ he thought before shouting that they needed to hurry and get to the tower. Slowly he turned back towards Merlissia to see a black blur rush by him. He had never been too fond of mabari hounds but he was never happier to have one by his  side as he saw the genloc tumble to the ground beneath the weight of the hound. Alistair watched, amazed by the ferocity of the hound's silver stare as he tore into the darkspawn.  _ Thank the Maker he went after the darkspawn and not me _ he thought as he turned his attention back to the battlefield. The ragtag trio fought their way, slaying darkspawn and leaving their corpses in their wake.

"Ready?" Merlissia asked as she looked over to Alistair to see him give a small nod as she pushed the door to the tower open. Floor after floor they cleared out the darkspawn. Merlissia finally shut them into a small room and barred the door.

"What? This is hardly the time for…" Alistair started with a light blush growing on his cheeks.

"For what? You think I'm going to ravish you?" Merlissia said coolly with a raised brow. "We've just fought our way through 3 floors of a tower… I need a minute," she explained plainly as she slowly lowered herself down onto one of the spare crates.

"You don't really seem all that thrilled to be a Grey Warden… Most people are honored by the title," Alistair said, nervously trying to start a small conversation to fill the empty space.

"What gives you that idea?" Merlissia asked as she leaned up against the cold wall.

"I just… Don't know anything about you…" Alistair started with a nervous half smile.

"Oh, you know everything about me that is worth knowing Alistair. My name is Merlissia and I hail from Highever. Nothing too exciting in that," Merlissia lied, knowing full well that all she had to say was her last name and he'd know exactly who she was. But if he was daft enough to recognize her family seal on her armor then there was no need to explain to him that she was really nothing.

"Are you okay? You have so many bruises… where are… what happened?" Alistair babbled as he looked up to meet her cold eyes.

"Has it hindered our progress through the tower?" she asked plainly as she raised her eyebrow.

"Well no… but that's not—"

"Then it's none of your concern," she snapped as she pushed herself up. "Come on, I don't think the darkspawn are willing to light the beacon for us."

_ What is she hiding? _ Alistair wondered as he followed her out of the room and headed for the stairs.

"Maker's breath! What are these darkspawn doing ahead of the rest of the horde? There wasn't supposed to be any resistance here!" Alistair questioned as they climbed another flight of stairs.

"Well, we could try telling them they're in the wrong place…." Merlissia said with a smirk.

"Right because clearly this is all just a misunderstanding… we'll laugh about this later!" Alistair replied quickly, "We're almost there… I think one more flight of stairs should do it," Alistair offered as they cleared out the floor of the tower.

Merlissia skidded to a halt when she saw the enormous ogre hovering over it's meal.  _ That is absolutely disgusting _ Merlissia thought as she took a hurried glance over to Alistair as it roared. "Well… looks like fate decided we needed a challenge today Alistair," Merlissia joked as they slowly split up circling the beast in opposite directions.

"Just don't get caught," Merlissia shouted as the beast charged her. Quickly she twisted out of the beast's reach as she swung her blade along its arm. It seemed rather convenient how easily Merlissia and Alistair fought together.

"Maker's breath…" Alistair mumbled as he looked at the beast, averting his eyes only to see the raven black mabari slowly making its way around his prey.  _ The dog has guts at least, _ Alistair thought idly as he watched the hound distract the ogre before him.

"Enough!" Merlissia shouted as she leapt into the air with her sword and dagger held high. Easily the sharp blades pierced into the orgre's flesh. One by one she pulled the blades out as she scaled the beasts chest until it finally toppled over. With a final shout she impaled her sword deep into the ogre's skull.

After a minute she could finally hear Alistair's words… something about missing the signal and needing to light a beacon. With a few heavy breaths she pushed herself off of the dead ogre and took up the torch for the beacon and set it ablaze. "Hope we're not too late," she muttered to herself as she tossed the torch into the fire with Alistair by her side. It was seconds after that when she felt this sickening murmur in her.

"Get down!" she shouted as she twisted in front of him, shoving him of to the side. Quickly he looked up as he heard a grunt escape her. He watched in horror as she turned around, breaking the arrow that was planted in her back as she moved.

"Fuck," she groaned as she saw the horde filling the top of the tower.  _ Seems this wasn't all a loss after all _ Merlissia thought to herself darkly. Her eyes scanned the group to see an emissary charging its attack.

"Merlissia!" Alistair shouted as he watched her hurl her dagger through the air, lodging itself into the emissary's skull. Seconds after his eyes traveled back to her watched as she fell to her knee as an arrow plunged into her thigh as he felt the sharp burn of arrows lodging into his chest.

Alistair couldn't speak, couldn't even breathe as he watched her. Quietly she looked up as a hurloc recoiled its axe to strike, with a subtle grimace of pain she had forced herself up, stabbing her sword into the monster's throat with a devilish grin. Slowly she turned as an arrow flew into her side, causing her to drop her sword seconds before another was sent through the air burying itself into her neck.


	5. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For someone seeking death, the first breath is the hardest. After surviving the battle of Ostagar Merlissia and Alistair find themselves a new companion to fight the darkspawn.

" _Know that we love you"_

Quietly she gasped as she sat up. It was her first breath that she knew she took… and she regretted it. Quickly she looked up to see a fireplace burning before her as if mocking her. Suddenly her eyes shifted to the left when she heard a quiet shuffling.  _ Naturally, death would have been too kind _ Merlissia thought before she decided to see what happened.

"Ah, your eyes finally open, mother shall be pleased," the dark haired woman said as she turned away from the shelf.

"Morrigan right?" she asked, her voice was hoarse barely audible.

"Ah, you're awake." Morrigan said as her amber eyes shifted towards Merlissia watching as the way she looked over her bandages. "I wouldn't suggest talking too much. Mother's healing magic is strong, but the wounds' affects will still linger," she explained plainly, her voice hollow with impatience.

"What happened with the darkspawn?" Merlissia whispered.

"You were injured and then mother rescued you… Do you not remember?"

"I remember fighting through the tower, we lit the beacon… There were so many darkspawn… after that… I do not remember," she muttered as she tried to remember. "But the King and his men? We lit the beacon," Merlissia insisted as she forced her voice to escape her lips.

"The man who was to respond to your signal quit the field. The darkspawn won your battle, those he abandoned were massacred," the woman explained bluntly shifting slightly as she answered.

"Loghain…" she whispered.  _ What was that unease I felt with him… something is wrong _ she thought as the images of the man appeared in her mind.

"Your friend… He is not taking it well," Morrigan said as she peered down with her golden eyes, silently watching as Merlissia tried to sort through her thoughts.

"My friend? You mean Alistair? He survived as well?" Merlissia asked curiously as images of the darkspawn flooding the top of the tower emerged behind her closed eyes. The phantom pain of where the arrows plunged into her began to ache.  _ It would have been a decent end _ she thought bitterly.

"The suspicious dim witted one that was with you before? Yes… He is outside by the fire. Mother asked to see you when you awoke," Morrigan explained eagerly.

"Were his injuries severe?" Merlissia asked, hesitant to see him face to face.

"If he was left alone, yes he would have perished. You on the other hand, were much more challenging to heal especially since you were injured before the battle," Morrigan explained calmly.

"Hmmm… I'm sorry for being a burden on you. I will see what your mother needs… And..Thank you for helping me Morrigan." Merlissia said hoarsely as she glanced around for her armor.

"I… you are welcome, though mother did most of the work, I am no healer," Morrigan said hesitantly as if Merlissia's words were truly unexpected. "Your armor is there on the chest, come out when you are dressed," she commanded as she walked out through the door.

Slowly Merlissia looked over her armor to see that it had been cleaned and mended.  _ Ah, the wonders of magic… the things it can fix _ she thought as she looked for any signs of damage. With a shrug she pulled on her armor, carefully tightening her buckles as if it was second nature.

She could see him looking out over the reeds as she walked out of Morrigan's hut.

"See here is your fellow Grey Warden now, you worry too much young man," Morrigan's mother said as she watched Merlissia approach.

" You… You're alive… Ha.. I thought you were dead for sure," Alistair stammered as he looked over Merlissia, his eyes pausing over the bandages around her neck as he remembered the arrows plunging into her.

"No," Merlissia paused considering her options of what she preferred. "I'm not, thanks to Morrigan's mother," Merlissia barely whispered.

"Oh this doesn't seem real, if it weren't for Morrigan's mother we'd be dead on top of that tower," Alistair whispered, his voice shook with the anxiety that weighed his chest.

"Do not talk about me as if I'm not present lad," Morrigan's mother added quickly.

"I didn't mean… But what do we call you… You… You never told us your name," He stammered as he shifted his attention from Merlissia to Morrigan's mother.

"Names are pretty, but useless.. The chasind folk call me Flemeth, I suppose it will do," Flemeth said matter-of-factly.  _ Flemeth? Why not? _ Merlissia thought as she listened to the pair, thankful to not have to contribute to the discussion.

"The Flemeth from the legends? Daveth was right.. you're the witch of the Wilds aren't you?" Alistair questioned, suddenly aware of the weight of her statement.

"And what does that mean? I know a bit of magic, and it has served you both well has it not?" Flemeth asked quickly leaving the heavy question to linger in the air.

"But why save us?" Merlissia interrupted as she looked over to Flemeth. She knew she should be grateful for Flemeth's actions but she couldn't help but feel the bitterness of it at the same time.  _ Duty… _

"I see, your wounds have not completely healed yet…" Flemeth surmised as she noticed that Merlissia only spoke when needed. "Well, we can't have all the Grey Wardens dying at once can we? Someone has to deal with the darkspawn. It has always been the Grey Wardens' duty to unite the lands against the Blight. Or did that change when I wasn't looking?" Flemeth asked as if she was slightly amused by it.

"Ha, the land is hardly united, thanks to Loghain…" Merlissia mumbled, grimacing at the use of her voice.

"That doesn't make any sense why would he do it?" Alistair asked as he looked to the both of them for answers.

"Now that is a good question, men's hearts hold shadows darker than any creature? Perhaps he believes he can out maneuver it or perhaps he doesn't see the true threat behind it all?" Flemeth pondered out loud.

"The archdemon," Alistair said solemnly.

"What is this archdemon, exactly? You say it was a demon an old god, but that hardly explains too much…" Merlissia asked, hoping that maybe Flemeth would have something interesting to add.

"It is said that long ago the Maker sent the old gods of the ancient Tevinter Imperium to live under the lands.. In short, An archdemon is an Old God awakened and tainted by darkspawn. Believe that or not, history says it's a fearsome and immortal thing. And only fools ignore history," Flemeth explained calmly.

"Then we need to find this archdemon and figure out what the teyrn could hop to gain by betraying the king," Merlissia muttered hoping to end the conversation sooner than later.

"By ourselves no Grey Warden has ever defeated a blight without at least a half dozen nations at his backs… Not to mention… I don't know how…" Alistair questioned quickly, staring at her with wide eyes.

"How to kill the archdemon or how to raise an army? Seems to me that these are two different questions hmm? Have the Wardens no allies these days?" Flemeth asked as she looked over the two as if she was trying to determine their fate already.

"I… I don't know. Duncan said that the Grey Wardens of Orlais had been called. And Arl Eamon would never stand for this, surely," Alistair fumbled.

"Arl Eamon? The Arl of Redcliffe?" Merlissia asked, regretting her quick tongue. She wanted to keep who she was supposed to be to herself.  _ Grey Wardens give up their titles right? _ Merlissia thought as she scolded herself for opening her mouth when it wasn't necessary.

"I suppose, Arl Eamon wasn't at Ostagar, he still has all his men. And he was Cailan's uncle. I know him. He's a good man, respected in the Landsmeet. Of course! We could go to Redcliffe and appeal to him for help!" Alistair said almost sounding eager.

"That's a start… Surely there are other allies we could call on. What of those treaties?" Merlissia asked quietly.

"Of course, the treaties. Grey Wardens can demand aid from dwarves, elves, mages. They're obligated to help us during a blight!" Alistair practically shouted.

_ Well now… seems like someone has a glimmer of hope… at least one of us does _

"I may be old but dwarves, elves, mages and this Arl Eamon and who knows what else… This sounds like an army to me," Flemeth commented with a sly smirk.

"So can we do this? Go to Redcliffe and these other places an… build an army?" Alistair asked looking over to Merlissia.

"I doubt that it will be that easy… but why not? Isn't that what Grey Wardens do?" Merlissia agreed slowly.

"So you are set then, ready to be Grey Wardens?" Flemeth asked looking over the pair.

"Humph, As ready as we'll ever be.. Thank you for everything, Flemeth," Merlissia said with a polite bow.

"No, no, thank you. You are the Grey Wardens here, not I. now.. Before you go there is yet one more thing I can off you," Flemeth said quietly.

"The stew is bubbling mother. Shall we be having two guests this eve or none?" Morrigan asked as she walked out of the hut.

"The grey wardens are leaving shortly girl… and you will be joining them,"

"Such a shame.. what?" Morrigan asked quickly, glaring at her mother.

"You heard me, girl. The last time I looked, you had ears!" Flemeth laughed.

"Thank you, but if Morrigan doesn't wish to join us…" Merlissia started to explain.

"Her magic will be useful. Even better she knows the Wilds and knows how to get around the horde," Flemeth explained.

"Have I no say in this?" Morrigan asked bitterly.

"You have been itching to get out of the Wilds for years. Here is your chance. As for you, Wardens, consider this repayment for your lives," Flemeth said as she turned her attention back to Merlissia.

"Very well, we're happy to have her along," Merlissia agreed, trying to be as polite as possible.

"Not to look a gift horse in a mouth, but won't this add to our problems. Out of the wilds she's an apostate," Alistair added cautiously, easily aggravating Merlissia by dragging this out even longer and potentially upsetting their host.

"If you don't wish aid from us illegal mages young man, perhaps I should have left you on top of that tower," Flemeth threatened.

"Point taken…"

"Mother, this is not how I wanted this.. I'm not even ready…" Morrigan started before Flemeth cut her off.

"You must be ready. Alone these two must unite Ferelden against the darkspawn. They need you Morrigan, without you they will surely fail, and all will perish under the blight… Even I," Flemeth explained patiently.

"And you Wardens? Do you understand? I give you that which I value above all in this world. I do this because you must succeed," Flemeth asked as she looked to Merlissia.

"Yes, she won't come to harm with us," Merlissia choked out quickly

"Allow me to get my things if you please," Morrigan said, her voice mixed with annoyance as she walked back into the hut leaving Alistair and Merlissia to wait for her return.

"I am at your disposal Grey wardens. I suggest a village north of the Wilds as our first destination, 'tis not far and you will find much you need there. Or if you prefer I will be you silent guide. The choice is yours." Morrigan offered after she gathered what she needed.

"No, I prefer you speak your mind. It'll keep things interesting," Merlissia answered quickly before turning to Flemeth listening as the two quarreled.

"I just… do you really want to take her along because her mother says so?" Alistair asked quickly, bringing all the attention back to Merlissia.

"Well, do you think you can stop the blight by yourself? We need all the help we can get, not just accept it," Merlissia ordered sternly.

I guess you're right. The grey wardens have always taken their allies wherever they coud find them

I am so pleased to have your approval.

"So, this village to the north, do you know anything about it?" Merlissia asked trying to figure out around where they would be.

"It's a small place of little consequence called Lothering. Just a stop on the imperial highway. I would go more often if it weren't for the Chantry Templars," Morrigan offered.

_ Lothering, so we aren't too far from Redcliffe... _ Merlissia thought ignoring the quibbling between Alistair and Morrigan as she tried to form some sort of plan.

"Well then, we should head there. We can collect supplies there and figure out what we should do next from there," Merlissia instructed firmly as she turned to head out, saying her goodbyes to Flemeth.

Quietly the group made their way through the Wilds, allowing Morrigan to lead the way.  _ Is this how it's going to be? An awkward silence as we make our way over Ferelden? I don't think there is any winning at this point though _ Merlissia wondered as they finally made it to the border of the Wilds.

"Look there, does that look like that demon mabari that was chasing us before?" Alistair asked, pulling Merlissia from her thoughts to see a large mabari, black as a new moon with the glint of silver eyes charging straight for them.

Merlissia walked ahead of the group and crouched down, knowing it was probably a mistake but she was too eager to see the one living connection to her past charging towards her.

"Cain?" she mumbled as she noticed that the mabari hadn't slowed down any as he approached. "Cain?" she asked louder, mere seconds before the dog jumped into the air, pinning her to the ground. After a soft groan Merlissia reached up and hugged herself into the dog's broad chest.

"Seems this mabari has imprinted on you somehow, I don't remember seeing you interact with him before though," Alistair said as he looked over the dog.

"What are we going to keep a dog?" Morrigan complained.

"Of course he is, he's my mabari," Merlissia said as she looked up to Alistair, watching his confused expression as he tried to reason out why she had her own mabari. Closing her eyes she felt Cain's wet tongue sliding up her cheek. "Alistair, Morrigan this is Cain, Cain, Alistair and Morrigan," Merlissia introduced a moment before Cain climbed off of her to inspect her companions.

"There will be more time for that Cain… but first, I think we should deal with your friends," Merlissia said as she looked up to see a small group of darkspawn charging them.


	6. Legs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a girl has to use other methods to get some answers...

"I can't believe we're taking a dog with us," Morrigan complained.

"What's wrong with that? It's not like we have to train him," Merlissia asked quickly as they walked towards the small village Morrigan has spoken of.

"What are the chances that he's really yours?" Alistair interrupted as he looked over the muscular hound.

"Have you ever seen another mabari like him?" Merlissia asked as she turned towards him as they made their way up to a small gathering of men.

"Well, no I don't suppose I've seen a mabari quite like him before no, but still… It just seems unlikely," Alistair answered promptly as he looked over the mabari. He looked much more like a wolf in comparison to a mabari. He was much taller and appeared leaner than most. 

"We have to be lucky with something.. Apparently that's where my luck is right now," Merlissia snapped as she motioned towards the men who were blocking her path.  _ I'll be happy to leave my luck with finding things lost if it means finding Fergus… maybe he could have made it here… _ she thought as she walked up to the  _ men _ .

"What do we have here?" Alistair asked as he followed behind Merlissia.

"Wake up gentlemen, more travelers to attend to. I'd guess the pretty one is the leader," shouted the man coming to the front of the group.

"Maybe we should let these ones pass, they don't look like the normal travelers," said the stocky man to the side of the group.

"Highwaymen, preying upon the refugees to make some coin," Alistair mumbled.

"They are fools to stand in our way," Morrigan added with her usually sense of annoyance.

"Now is that any way to greet someone? Tsk, tsk, tsk. A simple ten silvers and you're free to move on," the front man offered calmly.

"You should listen to your friend. We're not refugees, and by the looks of it… my mabari alone could take the lot of you," Merlissia explained as she looked over to Cain who was showing the stark white teeth against his midnight fur.

"What did I tell you? No wagons and this one looks armed," the man in the back said again.

"The toll applies to everyone, not just refugees," the front man explained as he looked over Merlissia.

"Seriously, this is beginning to annoy me," Merlissia mumbled as she rubbed her hand on her temple. "So you're toll collectors, then?"

"Indeed, for the upkeep of the Imperial Highway! It's a bit of a mess, isn't it?" the man asked joyfully.

"Oh… that was such a disappointing answer. Here I thought a strapping young man such as yourself could have given me a laugh," Merlissia said as she took a slow step forward, rubbing her hand up the leader's chest. "Mmmm, you're fixing the highway?" Merlissia thought out loud as she sucked her lips as she snaked her hand up his chest, finally resting it on his neck. "I think not," she added as she gave his head a quick twist, grinning as his body fell lifelessly to the ground.

"I'm not paying 10 silvers, and you won't be taking anyone else's," Merlissia threatened as she pulled out her dagger and sword.

"You have guts cunt, we'll just ransack your corpse then… such a shame to waste such a fine woman as yourself," one of the highwaymen said as they pulled out their weapons.

"Oh, you can certainly try," she laughed as she swung her blade across the closest man's neck before throwing her dagger into the archer's chest. The fight itself didn't last long. The small group split up, a few swings here and there and a few spells cast and the battle was drawing to a quick end.

"Alright, we surrender. We-we-we're just trying to get by, before the darkspawn get us all!" One of the guards stammered as he held up his hands.

"Just trying to get by? You're a criminal! And a pathetic one at that! If the darkspawn are truly going to be swooping down upon us there won't be enough coin in Thedas to save you. Not that you'd be worth saving…But…" Merlissia paused as she turned to look over her companions. "What are your lives worth to you?" she asked quietly.

"Here, here's everything that we've taken.. please, I beg you let us go!" the man cried as he handed the pouch over to Merlissia.

For a moment Merlissia thought over her options. "I have some questions first…" Merlissia finally said as she stopped pacing in front of the man.

"What could I tell you? We aren't even from these parts!" the man protested.

"Have you heard about any survivors from the battle?" Merlissia asked, desperately grasping the edges of her frayed hope that maybe some hint of her brother could be found in this small town.

"A couple maybe, some ash warriors… got right out of their way…" the man answered quickly. Hoping to be as far away from Merlissia and her group as possible.

"Have you heard any news then?"

"Everyone's saying how the grey wardens betrayed the king, getting the king and themselves killed. Teyrn Loghain pulled out just in time. First thing he's doing as regent is putting a bounty on Grey Wardens," he explained as he shifted nervously.

_ Of course he would… It isn’t like he would just announce that he betrayed the king… But a bounty? It’s not like the two of us really pose a threat… I didn't think it was too much to ask for to live a relatively plain life… Fuck fate… _ "What about this town? What's going on here?" Merlissia asked finally freeing herself from her thoughts.

"It's packed full, the bann took his men north with Teyrn Loghain, leaving no one to look after it except for a few templars. I was just trying to feed my family, you know?" he insisted, trying to plead for his life as he looked into Merlissia's cold stare.

"I don't give to shits about your family. I'm done with questions…" Merlissia snapped impatiently,

"I'll give you a choice," Merlissia offered as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "Either you will follow me and do what I say until I find no more need of you…" she started as she watched the highwaymen's face grow pale in repulsion, "Or you can die here and now… So what'll it be then eh?"

"You're joking right? I could never be a soldier!" he insisted.

"I see, your life isn't worth fighting for then," Merlissia said coldly as she twirled her dagger around.

Like before, the fight ended quickly. Fighting a mere group of criminals wasn't really worth noting when you grew up as the daughter of a Teyrn, especially as a Cousland. Bred to be beautiful, dutiful, clever and deadly.

"Did we really have to kill them?" Alistair asked as they began collecting anything of value from their corpses.

"Well it was that or let them rob another poor soul, or let them catch the blight… think of it as a small mercy," Merlissia answered quickly as she looked over the body of a fallen templar. "You'd think the templars would have been trained enough to take on a simple band of criminals," she commented as she found a letter and locket in his purse.  _ Maybe we can give this man some peace somehow _ Merlissia thought as she dropped the items into her own purse.

"Lothering, pretty as a painting," Alistair said as they walked down to the platform before the stairs.

"Ah so you finally have finally decided to rejoin us have you? Falling over on your blade in grief seemed too much trouble, I take it?" Morrigan asked with a snide smile as she picked on Alistair's grieving.

"Is my being upset so hard to understand? Have you never lost someone important to you? Just what would you do if your mother died?" Alistair asked, trying to defend himself.

"Before or after I stopped laughing?" Morrigan quickly replied.

"Right, very creepy forget I asked."

"You have been rather quiet Alistair," Merlissia chimed in hoping that this argument could be avoided.

"Yes, I know. I was just… thinking," he said as he looked down to the ground with a solemn expression.

"No wonder it took so long then," Morrigan quipped quickly.

"Oh I get it, this is the part where we discover that you have never had a friend in your entire life," Alistair snapped.

"I can be friendly if I desire to, alas desiring to be more intelligent doesn't make it so," Morrigan argued.

"Anyway… I thought we should talk about where we intend to go first…" Alistair said as he looked back towards Merlissia.

"Well I suppose we need to put these treaties to use," Merlissia mumbled as she considered what their options were.

"I agree, have you looked at them?" Alistair asked.

"Just a glance… dwarves, elves, and mages oh my," Merlissia jested with a quick smirk.

"I still think arl Eamon is our best bet for help. We might even want to go to him first," Alistair suggested ignoring Merlissia's humor.

"I assume getting news to the Grey Wardens is not possible…" Merlissia mumbled as her mind wandered. "What about you Morrigan? What do you think we should do?"

"Go after your enemy directly. Find this man Loghain and kill him. The rest of this business with the treaties can be done in safety," Morrigan suggested.

"Yes he certainly wouldn't see that coming and it's not like he has the advantage of an army and experience and.."

"I was asked for my opinion and I gave it. If your wish is to come up with reasons why something that cannot be done we will stand here until the darkspawn are upon us," Morrigan argued.

"As appealing as your idea is Morrigan, I'm afraid that it's not a valid option without the aid of well.. more than just us," Merlissia admitted.

"This is how I figure it. You say that arl Eamon will be an asset to us, so we'll head for him. A respected arl could really benefit our cause, so we'll seek him out first," Merlissia explained bluntly. "But for now we need supplies and information. It's getting late, so we'll split up and get as much done as we possibly can before nightfall," she continued on as she ran her free hand through her loose hair.

"I'll work on getting us some lodging. Morrigan, can you get the supplies? I doubt you will take the merchant's crap. Alistair…" she paused, giving a hesitant sigh, "Alistair, talk to the villagers to see if you can find some information about any survivors or maybe see how much of a threat we are in as Grey Wardens. Can you handle that?," she asked as she looked over her companions.

"Hmmm… …Hold on," Merlissia requested as she turned towards the town.

"What?" Morrigan and Alistair both spat out.

"I need to change… to make sure no one recognizes us," Merlissia said as she pointed towards a nearby shrubbier. "Alistair, make sure no one comes over here," Merlissia commanded.

"What change with him around?" Morrigan complained as she watched Merlissia shed her armor as she headed towards the small amount of cover the landscape had to offer.

"What the Chantry boy? I'm sure he'd keel over if he turned and looked anyway," Merlissia offered as she pulled off the bulky undershirt that she had grabbed to put under her armor, to reveal a light low cut nightgown that dangled down, almost to her mid thigh..

Quickly Merlissia pulled out her dagger and cut down the neck of the nightgown, she wasn't trying to hide her Maker given assets afterall. In their position, playing the pretty damsel in distress might be the easiest way to find out information without anyone asking unnecessary questions. Quietly, she shuffled the rest of her armor off. "I need some boots, these simply won't do," Merlissia said as she looked over to a conveniently placed pair that were lying at the edge of the merchant's cart.

_ Perfect _ she thought as she folded up what was left of her armor and put it in her back. Roughly she shoved her pack in Alistair's arms as she walked past him, giving a quick 'hold onto this' as she walked past the cart pulling the boots from their place as she passed by.

Alistair hurried behind her, "You just!" he started to protest before she turned a cold glare towards him, instantly taking his breath from his lungs.

After they were a decent distance from the cart Merlissia took some coin from her pouch before tossing it to Morrigan for the supplies. "We'll meet at the bridge in an hour," Merlissia said as she waved them off as she turned to walk towards what looked to be the village tavern.

Slowly she made her way, stopping when a man called out to her, asking for any kind of help she could offer.

"Please, the highwaymen took everything we had… We were trying to get to Highever, it's always been said that Teyrn Cousland was good to his servants… We were hoping that maybe he could find a place for us," the elf explained nervously.

"I'm afraid that Highever might not be the best place for you… and I'm afraid that neither Teyrn Cousland nor I can offer much help," Merlissia said quietly as she looked over the small family. "Teyrn Cousland fell to treachery just before the battle of Ostagar…" Merlissia explained. "Though we were good to our servants, he can't aid you now," she continued on clenching her jaw as she felt the weight of her chest build as she let the memories that she tried to bury deep in the pits of her mind threatened to surface.

"I… The Couslands have fallen?" the elf asked, "How can you be so sure?" he added quickly.

For a moment she looked around her to assure Alistair or Morrigan were far enough away. "…Because I'm the last of the Cousland line, Merlissia Cousland," she admitted for the first time after the fall of her family.

"I… My lady… I" he started with a polite bow, only to be stopped by Merlissia's hand on his shoulder.

"Don't" she said quickly. "Here… I know it's not much, but it should get you somewhere… if you can maybe join the Dalish or get out of Ferelden," Merlissia suggested as she put most of her coin in the elf's hand.  _ We can rough it for the night _ Merlissia thought as she gave away the majority of her coin. "And the highwaymen… I took care of them.. at least they won't be able to rob anyone else.. I know it's not much but… maybe it will count as some form of justice," she explained with a sad smile before she turned back towards her destination.

She made it halfway across the bridge when a small boy crashed into her legs. "Have you seen my mother?" he asked.

"Who is your mother child?" Merlissia asked as she knelt down to the boy's height.

"She's really tall, and she has red hair. We live on a big farm hold. Some mean men with swords came, and mother told me to run to the village as fast as I could. So I did. She said she'd be right behind me, but I've been waiting and I can't see her," the boy explained.

"How about your father? Where is he?" Merlissia questioned softly.

"He went with William to the neighbors yesterday, but he didn't come back," he answered dutifully.

"Hmmm, come with me child. I'll help you find your mother," Merlissia offered with a small smile.

"Mother told me not to go with anyone. I'm supposed to wait for her here," the boy protested.

"Then here, take this… get something to eat and go to the Chantry where they can look after you while I look for your mom," Merlissia lied as she handed the boy a few silvers.

"I will… thank you… … You're a really nice lady, kind of like my mother," the boy said before he ran off.

Quietly Merlissia turned and watched as the boy ran off to a merchant's wagon. Her eyes paused on Alistair as he stood watching her. Slowly she shook her head as she turned around.  _ Maker forgive me if I kill them all _ Merlissia thought as she felt her aggravation growing the closer she got to the tavern.

Finally alone Merlissia walked into the tavern to find it full of those seeking refuge from the oncoming blight. Quietly she made her way to the bartender, ordering the best swill she could afford with the little coin she had left as she looked over the tavern to see if there was anyone worth seeking information out of.

In the corner she could see a group of guards who were watching her. With a quick laugh she easily set herself on a table. Slowly she crossed her legs, watching the guard's eyes follow the hint of her upper thigh was revealed from her dress.

Quietly she drank as she watched the guard puff up with confidence, from under Morrigan's hood.  _ Finally _ she thought as she watched the guard approach her from the corner of her eye. Slowly, she brought her cup to her lips, tasting the sweet wine as she watched the guard settle himself in front of her.

Silently she listened to him as he tried to flirt with her, begrudgingly accepted the way he would brush his fingers along her bare leg. Carefully, she probed the guard for information about what was happening with Loghain, the Grey Wardens and the blight as she laughed politely at his jokes. Slowly she raised her leg, resting it on a small stool, offering him a bit more of her leg to look over.

After a few minutes she had learned that Loghain was heading for the Capital, and that the Grey Wardens were named traitors to the land. He had just bought her another drink when another guard came up, pulling a dark haired girl along with him. The girl was squirming as if trying to get away.

"Look what I found here!" the guard said loudly as he shoved the woman forward. "I believe we have a duty to turn her over to the templars," he continued on as he looked over to Merlissia's legs.

"I see you found yourself a woman," the guard continued on, his words slightly slurring.

_ That girl she looks so familiar _ Merlissia thought briefly as she looked into the girl's terrified eyes. "I think you should let her go," Merlissia finally said in a quiet voice as she looked over to the guard holding the girl.

"What?" The guard asked with a snide smile.

"Did I stutter?" Merlissia asked.

"This bitch has some nerve!" the guard shouted as he tried to pull out his blade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, another cameo woot woot


	7. Taverns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tavern full of all kinds of customers seems as good of a place as any to find out information.

Carefully, Merlissia stretched upward arching her back as she pressed her chest forward. "It can never be easy can it?" Merlissia mumbled as she looked up to her raised goblet, finally allowing the dim light to capture her soft features.  
  
"Now, I believe I told you to let her go," Merlissia said sternly as she hopped off the table, smashing the goblet into the side of the guards face with her right hand as she pulled the girl behind her, frowning as she felt the glass cut into her palm. "Stay," she commanded as if the dark-haired girl was a mabari. With a quick glance she saw the girl nod as she swung her fist into the man's nose, twisting away just slow enough that the guard's sword grazed her shoulder.  
  
"Shit," Merlissia mumbled at her carelessness.  
  
"Sir, that's Merlissia Co-" One of the soldiers began to call out as a kitchen knife found it's way into his thick throat.  
  
"Uh-uhh" Merlissia laughed as she shook her head at the guard as he fell lifelessly to the ground.  
  
"She's the Grey Warden we've been looking for all morning!" another shouted above the worried screams of the tavern workers and patrons as they watched the guards try to surround Merlissia.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just an innocent refugee who happened upon some lusty soldiers," Merlissia explained with a wicked smile.  
  
"Ah, but you fit the description well, rumors of your looks have always danced around Ferelden. Seems we have been lied to," the one guard shout announced as he looked Merlissia over.  
  
"Gentlemen, surely there is no need for trouble. She is no doubt simply a poor soul seeking refuge, "a red-haired chantry sister said calmly as she walked up to the group, ignoring Merlissia's shifting eyes from the guards to the cloister sister.  
  
"She's more than that! Now stay out of our way Sister. You protect these traitors and you'll get the same as them," the dark haired guard threatened peacefully.  
  
"Oh, I do suppose it would look as though the Wardens were the traitors from the side of the cowards who abandoned their king," Merlissia spat as one side of her lip curled up, mocking Loghain's guard.  
  
"Teyrn Loghain claims the Grey Wardens betrayed the king. Or haven't you heard?" the cloister sister asked quietly.  
  
"Oh, I don't know seems to me like those who fought and dare I say died beside the king hardly have grounds to be called traitors. However, those who turned their back on the king… they can hold that title well," Merlissia started as she looked down at the soldier before her. "When the beacon was lit, Loghain and his men turned their backs on the king and the Grey Wardens, left them to be slaughtered," she finished as she looked over the guard.  
  
"The beacon was never lit! And it was a loosing battle!" guard protested which gave Merlissia a hearty laugh.  
  
"Ah, a coward and a liar, how refreshing," Merlissia laughed. "Oh, but the beacon was lit," she said darkly as she reached out, grabbing the guard by the rim of his armor, pulling his chest into hers as she pushed his sword away from her.  
  
"I lit the beacon myself," she whispered darkly beside the guard's ear. "I watched as the flames danced into the sky, and before I fell to the darkspawn. Then you all turn your backs to the king… Considering the battle plan revolved around Loghain's troops flanking the darkspawn, who should we call traitors then?" Merlissia asked shifting her weight to her other leg as she waited for a response.  
  
"I was at the final strategy meeting, Loghain's charge was the only chance to victory, anyone with half a mind could see that. Yet, fear, paranoia or betrayal, plain and simple gripped his heart when that beacon was lit… …How do you live with yourself?" Merlissia whispered, pulling her head back away from the guard's ear so she could look the man in his eyes. She watched for a moment as he faltered under her icy stare.  
  
"You know what you did was wrong, though I suppose at that moment what choice did you have? But what is your excuse now? I can't blame you for following Loghain, he was a fine general. A great man, but riddled with panic… fear of the Orlesians. But you know what you've done is wrong don't you?" Merlissia asked as she saw the tension building up in the soldier's eyes. She could see the man's regret, not knowing what to do.  
  
"Don't worry… I won't kill you," she whispered close to him as she watched the rest of the soldiers grow uneasy with how close she was to the leader of their small group. "You'll live with what you've done," she whispered darkly as she shoved the guard back as an eager soldier's sword came swinging between them, effectively protecting the soldier and herself.  
  
She gave a quick whistle and the door busted open, letting the fading sunlight shine into the tavern, hallowing the image of Cain's broad black chest as he charged forth to stand by his master's side. "The leader, the one in the red iron armor with dark hair who is conveniently on his arse… keep him alive and disposed for the time being," Merlissia said quietly as Cain looked over to the soldier on the floor.  
  
"Sister, I cannot ask you to fight in my behalf," Merlissia shouted as she shoved one of the oncoming soldiers back trying to create some room between the fight and the girl she had been trying to save. "Nor do I wish you in any danger, so please stand back," Merlissia insisted as she stepped into one of the soldiers swings, raising her arm up, hitting his wrist.  
  
"Girl, move left," Merlissia barked as she flung the soldier, using his weight and momentum against him. She watched as he crashed down onto the table the girl had been sitting on. "Stay," Merlissia commanded as she picked up the soldier's blade.  
  
Quickly, she glanced over to see the cloister sister handling one of the soldiers on her own. _I see, someone wasn't just a sister_ Merlissia thought with a laugh as she swung the heavy sword across one of the charging soldier's faces, followed by a quick twist impaling the blade deep within the next guard, spraying his blood over her face and chest.  
  
"Now I'm a mess," she grumbled as she turned around to see a soldier growing wise to her fighting. The man turned from Merlissia focusing on the girl standing behind her.  
  
"Girl down!" Merlissia shouted, only to see the girl too distracted by all the blood covering Merlissia and the tavern to listen.  
  
"Fuck," Merlissia grunted, wishing that she had kept her armor with her for once as she wrapped herself around the dark haired girl. Quickly she slapped the girl, "You can't space out here, it's not a choice here. It's kill or be killed… you can't be afraid," Merlissia said calmly as she turned towards the soldier.  
  
"Coward!" Merlissia shouted, "You're mine," she threatened as she headed for the guard.  
  
The dark haired girl watched as the woman protecting her turned. For a moment she was reminded of someone closer to her. For a second the woman's dark hair became blonde… was shorter and wild. The loud snap of wood breaking brought her attention back to reality. The short blonde hair became a rich brown, long with soft waves as it cascaded down her back. Her eyes finally fell onto a small blade that was surrounded by a deep red halo in her protectors side.  
  
She watched in horror as the woman pulled the dagger out for the sake of having a weapon. She had spun around, stopping her blade inches from the soldier's neck when the leader cried out for her to stop.  
  
"Alright, you've won we surrender,"  
  
"Good they've learned their lesson and we can all stop fighting now,"  
  
"Now… dear leader.. As was my word… I won't kill you… I have a use for you, and hell I'll even save you a friend to accomplish this task with…" Merlissia started as she shoved the young soldier over to the leader. "Take a message to Loghain for me," Merlissia requested calmly.  
  
"Wh-wh-what do you want to tell him?" the soldier stuttered.  
  
"Oh so many things… but how about, the Grey Wardens know what really happened…. And, he'll have to do better than this," Merlissia said calmly, watching as the soldier nodded and headed for the door. "Oh… and boys!" Merlissia called.  
  
"Y-yes?"  
  
"There is more to being a soldier than blindly following orders. There is a time where you must question those giving them…" Merlissia said as she looked over her shoulder to the soldiers.  
  
The two gave a quick nod and ran out of the tavern, eager to be as far away from Merlissia as she possibly could.  
  
"I apologize for interfering, but I couldn't just sit by and not help," the Sister began as she walked in front of Merlissia.  
  
"So I see… So tell me, where does a cloister sister learn to fight like that?" Merlissia asked, only partially interested.  
  
"I wasn't always in the Chantry you know. Many of us had more… colorful lives before joined. Let me introduce myself, I am Leliana. One of the lay sisters of the Chantry here in Lothering." Leliana explained. "Or I was…" she quickly added.  
  
"That sounds interesting…." Merlissia started, hoping the girl was bright enough to catch on without her having to directly ask.  
  
"I joined the Chantry to live a life of religious contemplation. But I am no priest, not even an initiate," Leliana explained.  
  
 _Boring_ Merlissia thought to herself as the red head babbled on about herself. "I'm Merlissia. A pleasure I'm sure," Merlissia said disinterested. _Really I don't have time for this… if you want something say it damn it…_ Merlissia thought.  
  
"Those men said you were a Grey Warden. That means you'll be out fighting darkspawn yes? That is what Grey Wardens do… I know after what happened you will need all the help you can get… That's why I'm coming along," Leliana said.  
  
 _Makers balls…_  
  
"Grey Warden? Me? You must be mistaken," Merlissia shrugged as she started to turn away.  
  
"Please, I must go with you.. The Maker told me to! I know it sounds crazy but it's true! I had a vision!" Leliana pleaded.  
  
"I am no one worth following Leliana… and it's never going to be safe to be around me," Merlissia said as she turned away from the Chantry sister to look at the girl with the dark hair who was crouched on the her knees with her hands covering her head.  
  
"Get up," Merlissia said calmly. "What is your name?" Merlissia asked patiently.  
  
"Bethany…. Bethany Hawke," the girl stammered nervously.  
  
"Are you alright girl?" Merlissia asked as she ripped the bottom of her nightgown off and began wrapping it around her right palm.  
  
"I-I-Yes… you saved me.. how can I ever repay you? I don't even know who you are!" Bethany asked with tears in her eyes as she looked over Merlissia taking in her soft features that were tainted with a cold stare.  
  
"Normally I would say don't worry about it, but there is something I need. I have a few traveling companions waiting for me. We'll need a place to stay for the night. Do you have somewhere we can stay? I doubt this tavern has room and would accept us after this," Merlissia stated as she motioned towards all of the mess before picking up a rag and wiping away as much blood from her face as she could.  
  
"Uh.. Yes, I live in a small house nearby. You should come immediately.. you're hurt I can help you there," Bethany offered as her eyes trailed the maze of blood that covered Merlissia. Quietly, she watched as Merlissia adjusted her nightgown trying to make the stains of blood less obvious.  
  
"We'll be there later tonight, we have much to do before nightfall," Merlissia said as she brushed off the young girl's concern. "But you can answer me this.. Do you have a sister? You look familiar… There was a girl at Ostagar… She had short blonde hair… you look like her," Merlissia asked curiously.  
  
"Yes, and a brother… they were both at Ostagar… We've been waiting for them so that we can flee this village," Bethany explained.  
  
"I see… You should get home. We'll be by later," Merlissia said sternly before looking over to the owner. "Sorry about the mess! I really didn't want any trouble," she explained before she headed for the door. "Cain!" she shouted as she held the door, waiting as the large mabari charged outside.  
  
"Who is the best mabari in all of Ferelden?" Merlissia asked playfully as she watched Cain spin in a quick circle.  
  
Quickly Merlissia walked up to her two companions, "Alistair my pack," she shouted as she hid behind a bush taking off Morrigan's garment and quickly slid her armor over her nightgown, hiding any signs of a struggle. "I'll return your shirt after I have cleaned it," Merlissia said to Morrigan who seemed to not mind the bulky shirt that Merlissia had given her.  
  
After a couple minutes Merlissia walked out of the bushes, the only sign of a struggle was the makeshift bandage wrapped around her palm. "So, any luck you guys?" she asked as she approached them watching as the pair nodded and reported what they had found out.  
  
"I stopped by the Chanter's borad. There's some jobs we can do… I thought we could use the coin since we're here," Alistair suggested. "There's been some bears in the area which they wish taken care of, a missing woman," Alistair started.  
  
"Good, bear hunting.. Dinner and we can take the pelts… it isn't going to be warm for much longer," Merlissia said as she headed in the direction that Alistair had pointed when he spoke of the bears.  
  
On their way she heard a strange language being spoken by a man in a lone cage. After a seconds thought, Merlissia turned and walked over to the man. _A Qunari? Here?_ Merlissia thought as she looked over the man.  
  
"You are not one of my captors. I will not amuse you any more than I have the other humans, leave me in peace," the man said in a deep voice.  
  
"You are a Qunari? Who has placed you here?" Merlissia asked calmly.  
  
"The Chantry," he answered quickly.  
  
"What have you done?" Merlissia asked.  
  
"The revered mother said he slaughtered an entire family. Even the children." A familiar voice called out from behind them causing Merlissia's head to drop. _Not her… not again_ Merlissia thought as she looked back.  
  
"It is as she says," The Qunari answered quickly. "I am Sten of the Beresaad—the vanguard—of the qunari peoples," he explained calmly.  
  
"I am Merlissia, pleased to meet you," Merlissia said. She remembered all the lessons that the old sage had taught her about the Qunari. They were an honorable people, though their ways were different she respected their culture.  
  
"You mock me. Or you show manners I have not come to expect in your lands," Sten said bluntly. "Though it matters little, now. I will die soon enough," he added.  
  
"This is a proud and powerful creature, trapped as prey for the darkspawn. If you cannot see a use for him, I suggest releasing him for mercy's sake alone," Morrigan said, surprising Alistair with her words.  
  
"Mercy? I wouldn't have expected that from you," Alistair added quickly.  
  
"I would also suggest that Alistair take his place in the cage," Morrigan finished causing Merlissia to shake her head, instantly regretting having met up with them at all.  
  
"Yes, that's more like what I expected," Alistair finished as Merlissia turned away from the two of them to face Sten once more.  
  
"I suggest you leave me to my fate," he offered in the same calm tone that he had carried throughout their short conversation.  
  
"If I said that I am in need of skilled help, would you consider joining me?" Merlissia asked, ignoring Alistair's hesitant sigh behind her.  
  
"What help do you seek?" Sten asked bluntly.  
  
"I'm sworn to defend the land against the Blight," Merlissia said looking into Sten's dark eyes, noticing the how calm he truly was inside. Easily accepting his fate, and determined… just like she had always learned the Qunari were.  
  
"Are you a Grey Warden then?" he asked, with a small hint of curiosity in his tone.  
  
"I am," Merlissia answered.  
  
"Surprising, my people have heard legends of the Grey Warden's strength and skill. I suppose not every legend is true," he answered honestly.  
  
"No, they are not always as they seem. We'll be back," Merlissia said with her casual smile. "You two think you can handle a couple of bears? We want them for their pelts and food, so nothing too explosive," Merlissia requested as she looked to the other two.  
  
"What of you?" Alistair asked.  
  
"I'm going to pay the revered mother a visit," Merlissia said as she looked back over to Sten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo cameos...


	8. Lothering

"Bloody bitch," Merlissia mumbled after walking out of the revered mother's chambers with the key to Sten's cell.  _ All she wanted was my coin… _ Merlissia thought as she walked out, her eyes scanning over the room until she noticed a soldier looking through a book.  _ That's Redcliffe's sigil _ she thought as she looked over the soldier.

"Excuse me, but you hail from Redcliffe right?" Merlissia asked as she looked over the man. His eyes were tired despite his young features. For a few minutes she stood talking, inquiring about the conditions in Redcliffe.  _ Arl Eamon is sick? It seems too convenient _ she thought as the soldier explained their circumstances, and their fruitless search for the Urn of Sacred Ashes.  _ Alistair isn't going to be happy about this _ she thought before she remembered the soldier they passed when they entered Lothering. Quietly she handed over the man's belongings with a sad smile before she headed out of the Chantry and hurried back to Sten.

"You wish something more of me?" Sten asked from inside his cage.

"So, tell me about what got you put in here," Merlissia said, making sure of her decision of recruiting him.

"I have been convicted of murder, have the villagers not spoken of this?" Sten asked.

"The villagers speak of many things. I know little of the Qunari, but I know them as honorable and dutiful, so it is your word I wish to hear…" Merlissia explained bluntly. "What happened?"

"The people of a farm hold. Eight humans in addition to the children," he explained calmly.

"Are you guilty?" Merlissia asked out of curiosity of what he would take out of the question.

"Are you asking if I am responsible for the deed? Or whether I feel guilty for my actions? However I feel, whatever I've done, my life is forfeit now," Sten said, straightening his shoulders in his small space.

"How did they capture you? The guards here hardly seem a challenge for you," Merlissia inquired as she tried to determine how much she trusted him.

"There is no difficulty in capturing prey that surrenders," he explained patiently putting up with her questioning.

"So you allowed this then," Merlissia said nodding her head.

"I waited for several days for the knights to arrive," he admitted.

"Why?" Merlissia asked, becoming more and more convinced that she needed Sten to join her. She could see his devotion to his culture, and the regret he bore. The beresaad were known as some of the finest warriors in the lands, and they could use the help. But, it seemed he could use the help just as well.

"Because I wished to," he answered plainly.

"How long have you been here?" she asked quietly.

"Twenty days now, I shouldn't last much longer. Another week at most," he stated as if it were just a plain fact in a book you would read.

"I have the key to release you," Merlissia said, as she showed him the large key. “Will you follow me? Perhaps together we could make some good out of this world," Merlissia explained quickly.

"I'm surprised, I confess I didn't not think the priestess would part with it," Sten announced with the hint of actual surprise in his voice.

"She agreed to release you into my custody," Merlissia explained.

"So be it," Sten said as Merlissia opened up his cage. "Set me free, and I will follow you against the Blight."

"Very well," she said as she pulled the gate open.  _ It’s a start _ Merlissia thought.  _ I can’t believe he is inherently evil. Perhaps he will find a way to atone. _

"And so it is done, I will follow you into battle, and in doing so I shall find my atonement," Sten declared as he stepped out of the small cage.

"Thank you, Sten. I am honored to have you with us," Merlissia said sincerely, unaware if he took it as such.

"May we proceed, I am eager to be elsewhere," Sten asked.

"Of course… but first we need some armor and a weapon for you," Merlissia said as she headed towards the merchant's cart with Sten following just behind her.

"Sorry, I know none of this is quality gear," she said to Sten as he put on the mismatched armor. "Hopefully when we get to Redcliffe we'll be able to do better," Merlissia said with a shrug. "I suppose we should go see if they got their job done," Merlissia said as she pointed towards where Alistair said the bears would be found.

The two walked in a comfortable silence. Merlissia felt no need to pry into Sten's life and she had nothing to prove to him. Her thoughts were brought to a halt when a group of villagers stopped in front of her.

"We heard them soldiers in the tavern… You're one of them Grey Wardens they're looking for… I don't know if the rumors are true or not, but that reward would feed a lot of mouths," the villager declared as they pulled out their meager weapons.

"Please don't do this," Merlissia pleaded. "I have no wish to harm you, but I cannot give in to this," she explained as she readied herself to fight, already deciding not to use her weapons against the villagers, hoping to beat them up enough to just send them running.

Sten watched as the fight broke out. He watched as his new leader fought the men off with her bare fists. Nothing he saw truly impressed him.  _ So this is one of the fabled Grey Wardens _ he thought as he knocked out the last of the villagers.

"Well, this is going well," Merlissia said to herself as she continued on towards where the others should be. During the fight she could feel every swing she made with her right arm pull the wound on her shoulder, and the wound on her back was burning constantly.

Carefully she placed her hand on her lower back, acting as though she were stretching as she was walking to feel where the dagger had been. Slowly she brought her hand back to see a few drops of blood on her fingers.  _ Great… _ she thought as she pressed on.

Finally, they made it over to where Morrigan and Alistair were arguing. "Try to ignore them… I do," Merlissia said lightly as they stood a good ways away from them. As they walked closer she could see that they were just collecting the meat.

"Let's go, we have a place to stay," Merlissia announced as she pointed towards a house off in the distance. Patiently she waited as Alistair and Morrigan caught up with them as they walked to the house. 

"Your hand!" Alistair said as he hurried forward, shifting everything he was carrying so that he could grab Merlissia's hand as he just noticed that the bandage was around her palm rather than wrapping her knuckles as if she had punched someone. Carefully he looked at her hand, noticing how her knuckles now seemed swollen.

"Don't worry about it," Merlissia said as she pulled her hand away and walked ahead of the group until she reached the door to the small house. Carefully she knocked on the door waiting for a response.

After a moment, Bethany came to the door. "Maker, I was wondering if you would show up," Bethany started as she turned her attention to Merlissia's companions.

"Sorry, I find myself with an extra companion. Is that okay?" Merlissia asked as she watched Bethany's gaze fall on Sten.

"That's the Qunari from the cell," Bethany announced.

"You have nothing to worry about," Merlissia said, offering no excuses or anything. "We brought meat for dinner, though I suggest someone other than Alistair to cook it," Merlissia jested.

"I told you to come straight here, your inj-" Bethany started, but stopped when Merlissia walked past her cutting her off.

"Where do you want us?" Merlissia asked bluntly. "We'll only be here for a night… and if you know what is good for you, you will do the same," Merlissia explained as they settled into the room Bethany had escorted them to.

Merlissia sat peacefully in the corner, leaning up against the wall with her left shoulder. Her eyes popped open when she felt something tugging at the bandage on her hand.

"What are you doing?" she snapped at Alistair as he pulled off her bandage.

"Looking at your hand," he answered as he forced her hand over, looking over the gashes covering her palm. "What did you do to get these?"

"Broke a cup," Merlissia said quickly, turning her head as she heard Bethany enter the small room.

"You've waited long enough, those are serious injuries!" Bethany insisted, causing everyone to shift their attention to Merlissia. "Take off your armor and let me treat you," she demanded.

Merlissia was about to protest but Alistair beat her to the punch. "Serious injuries? What are you talking about?" Alistair demanded as he glared at Bethany and back to Merlissia.

"It's nothing," Merlissia lied as she shoved Alistair away from her.

"Please, let me heal you," Bethany pleaded, "Come back to our rooms when you're ready," she added as she walked out.

"Shit," Merlissia mumbled as she went to storm off, only to be caught by Alistair.

"If you're hurt, let her tend to you! We can't afford to be held back," Alistair insisted as he pulled his hand away from her back, looking down to see his hand coated in a thin coat of blood.

"Fine… if it'll shut you up," Merlissia finally agreed as she reached up and unlaced the straps holding her armor closed. Carefully she pulled the weighty plate over her head, revealing her blood stained nightgown from underneath it.

Alistair's eyes widened as he saw the maze of blood coating the gown, but his breath caught when he saw the blood that had streaked down her chest and arm from the wound on her shoulder. He watched as she quietly turned to place her armor down beside where she was. The back of her nightgown had now absorbed the blood that seeped from the wound in her back, staining the entire back of the gown red.

"Maker's breath," Alistair whispered.

_ Maybe that is why her fighting was lacking, _ Sten thought as he looked over his new commander watching as she left to find the young girl of the house.  _ Humph… _

"Please, you must tell me who you are! How am I to tell the stories of my rescue?" Bethany pleaded.

"I'm no one worth knowing," Merlissia insisted, as she watched the girl heal her shoulder.

"Please!" she begged, doing her best to give her most pitiful look.

"Ugh.. Fine… but if you utter a word of who I am around my companions. I will slit your throat. Do I make myself clear?" Merlissia asked bluntly.

"Ummm yes, crystal," Bethany agreed.

"I'm Merlissia Cousland," Merlissia admitted.

"The Merlissia Cousland? Daughter of Bryce Cousland? The famed -" Bethany asked before being cut off by Merlissia.

"There is only one me, so I assume that's all me," Merlissia agreed, already regretting telling the girl who she was.

"How can you say you are no one worth knowing?!" Bethany nearly shouted, covering her mouth as soon as she realized how loud she had become.

"Well, as a Grey Warden you give up any claims to who you are, there are no titles. No claims to your prior life… that and the fact that I'm the last of the Cousland line pretty much means that name is worthless," Merlissia explained quietly.

"But-"

"Enough," Merlissia cut in, eager to quell the pain caused by the girl's curiosity. "Bethany, the darkspawn are getting close. I know it doesn't seem like it.. But trust me they're coming… you can't stay here. You need to leave at first light tomorrow," Merlissia warned as she felt the wound in her back heal. “With… or Without those you’re hoping for,” Merlissia added solemnly.

"Here," Bethany said, giving Merlissia a new nightgown to wear as she filled a tub with hot water using her magic. "Dinner should be done when you are finished," Bethany offered as she left, shutting the door to the small room behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yup... she's still there


	9. Lukewarm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day by day, we have a choice of who we become.

Merlissia gently pushed Sten's broad shoulder, carefully waking him up as she moved on to Morrigan. She could barely see that Alistair was already packing up their things.

"You feel it too?" Merlissia asked quietly as she hurried to repack the few things she could. "Pack all the meat we can, it's 3 days to Redcliffe," Merlissia commanded Alistair as she turned to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" Alistair questioned.

"To wake them, tell them to leave now," Merlissia said as she walked out and headed down the short hall.

"Shhh" Merlissia whispered as she shook the young girl's shoulder before moving on to the mother. "If you want to have a chance, you have to leave now," Merlissia whispered.

"What? The darkspawn are that close? How can you know?" Leandra questioned as she pushed herself up.

"I'm a Grey Warden, we know these things. You have to believe me…" Merlissia started when the door behind her smashed open.

Quickly she pulled her dagger from her waist barely deflecting the large broad sword that came swinging down at her. Easily she stepped into the broad man, slamming her gauntleted fist into his stomach, knocking the wind from his lungs. With a quick sweep of her leg and a shove from the pommel of her dagger the man fell hard on his back.

Before he could even react Merlissia had reached up and pulled her sword from her shoulder, resting the tip on his adam's apple.

"Carver!" Bethany cried.

"One of the ones you were waiting on then?" Merlissia asked watching the scared women nod. "Morrigan no! Stand down!" Merlissia ordered from the back room her voice filling the small house as he echoed down the hall, listening to the questioning grunts of complaint coming from her companions.

"I'm so sorry! They-"

"They came home to find several unknown characters in their house? They're doing exactly as they should," Merlissia said as she looked up to see a woman appear down the hall from her. For a moment the two just watched the other. "No need to apologize, it couldn't be helped," Merlissia explained calmly.

"Boy!" Merlissia said sternly, as she looked down to see Carver's eyes exploring her body. "The only place your eyes belong when someone has a blade to your neck is on my eyes," Merlissia warned as she watched Carver flinch unable to hold her gaze.

"What is with all the cowards?" Merlissia grumbled as she flung her left arm up, throwing her dagger. The hall grew silent as the metallic ring of the daggers echoed in the hall.

"Now you…. Have some guts… You could have been fun," Merlissia said as she glanced up to the girl. "Bethany… her name?" Merlissia asked calmly as she gave Carver a swift kick to the side for moving. "Stay," she commanded sternly.

"Um… Rem… my older sister," Bethany yelped out nervously.

"Rem… stay your blade and I will stay mine," Merlissia said coolly. "You being here means you escaped Ostagar… you know we're wasting time," Merlissia continued on. "Long story short," Merlissia started as she pulled Carver off the ground, pinning him to the wall.

"I saved your sister. In return she granted me and my companions a room to stay the night in. The night is over, and as you both are well aware the darkspawn have come. It’s time to leave. You all can travel with us until the road splits," Merlissia offered as she looked into Carver's eyes instantly putting a stop to his futile attempts to escape her grasp.

"Your eyes… you're… you're a Grey Warden," Carver stuttered as he watched Merlissia nod.

"We're leaving now for Redcliffe… If I were you I'd go to Gwarin and take ship… Perhaps Kirkwal is large enough to hide from the templars, Orlais, Antiva hell anywhere would do… just don't stay here," Merlissia said as she leaned into Carver.

"Why are you so afraid boy?" she asked quietly as she felt his body stiffen. "Big sister not here to protect you?" she added with a laugh. "You have to become a man sometime," she whispered, letting her lips barely brush against him as she spoke.

Slowly she leaned into him, watching as he gave into her leaning his head in. Lowering his lips to her as if to press them against hers.

For a moment she waited.

He hesitated.

With a deep breath he finally took the plunge and went for it. Instead of soft lips, his face found the cold palm of her gauntlet as she gently shoved him off laughing as she watched him stumble.

"Boy," she said with a final laugh before she hurried out of the room, picking up her dagger as she walked down the hall. "Grab your things, we're going," Merlissia said as she reached around the corner picking up her pack. Quickly she straightened up as she heard someone approach her from behind.

Quickly she swung her pack up, hitting the wrist of her attacker. The glint of a dagger caught her eye as she spun around her target, wrapping hers around the blonde's neck.

"Rem was it?" Merlissia asked the frozen form, watching as the woman nodded slowly.

"You are no coward… I can see it in your eyes, you've seen things you never should have had to… I won't pry…." Merlissia started as Rem began to fight her hold. Stopping when she felt Merlissia push her dagger deeper into her neck, spilling a slow line of blood from it's point.

"You're not afraid… so why do you hesitate?" Merlissia whispered by Rem's ear. "What are you hiding that causes you to pause when threatened?"

"I-I" Rem started but stopped once she heard the shrug come from behind her.

"You can't hesitate, my friend. You must choose your actions and stand behind your decisions. You do the best you can that's all you can do," Merlissia whispered as she released the girl. "This isn't the end for you," she said as she turned around and headed out the door quickly followed by her companions, then Bethany and her family followed suit.

The sun was just starting to stretch over the land as they made their way through the village, heading towards the Imperial Highway.  _ What a start? _ Merlissia thought as she saw a familiar cloister sister standing near the path to the highway.  _ Persistent little bugger… _ she thought shaking her head.

"We're leaving now, you can come if you can leave right now," Merlissia said without turning her head in Leliana's direction. "And stay out of any fights the best you can until you have some better protection than rags," Merlissia said as she heard the girl fall in with the rest of her  _ pack _ .

"The darkspawn seem to be early risers as well," Alistair noted as they heard some cries for help coming from the highway.

"If you have no armor or weapons you're useless, stay back," Merlissia ordered as she dropped the pack she was carrying over her shoulder to the ground in exchange for her sword. In one fluid motion she drew her blade from its sheath on her back and flung it through the air. She watched as the blade buried itself in the chest of the hurloc who just struck down a struggling templar.

Quickly Merlissia ran up the stairs, eager to replace her blade. On her way she punched a genloc in the face as he got too close to her. She couldn't help but laugh at the surprise she caught on Alistair's face when she resorted to just punching the darkspawn. Like a cat on the hunt, Merlissia crouched down, pulling out her dagger and sliding it's sharp blade across the creatures face, finally impaling it into it's dark eye.

Looking up she saw an emissary had already sent an attack towards her. Quickly she pulled out her dagger from the darkspawn's eye as she brought her arms up in front of her exposed head, trying to defend herself.

When the blow didn't land, she gave a quick glance to see Bethany had casted a barrier between her and the ball of fire. "Good on you girl," Merlissia called as she looked back to Bethany with a half smile.  _ Come on girl… You have to get stronger to make it through this _ Merlissia thought as she looked around as she noticed the fight had died down. Sten was easily cutting through his targets with the large sword she had gotten him.  _ What they say about the Qunari beresaad must be true then… but why is he here alone _ Merlissia wondered as her eyes shifted from Sten to Morrigan who she expected to do well enough on her own.

Behind her she saw the Hawke family staying back, guarding their mother against any stragglers that someone might let through. She watched as Carver and Rem took the front, Rem a little further out than her brother. Leliana had picked up a stray bow and was firing arrows above them.  _ At least they're not a completely hopeless group _ Merlissia thought briefly as she surveyed the field.  _ Though they need to be more bold, can't always just defend _ she thought as she remembered her training days that now seemed like so long ago. Quickly she shook her head as the memory of her red haired trainer stood his ground that last night. "I'm sorry," she whispered to herself as she swung her blade in a wide arch, slicing deep into the side of the darkspawn in front of her.

Slowly, she turned her head the other way to see Alistair battling the last of the darkspawn.  _ Hmmm, I suppose he is useful in the battlefield at least _ she thought as she watched him thrust his shoulder into the torso of his target then slid his blade into the beasts neck.

Quietly, Merlissia walked over and pulled her sword from the hurloc's chest pausing only to wipe the blade off on a rag scattered on the highway.

"Mighty timely arrival there my friend. I'm much obliged," said the older dwarf of the pair.

"Don't worry about it," Merlissia said calmly as she looked over the pair.

"I am Bodhan Feddic, merchant and entrepreneur. This is my son Sandal. Say hello my boy," Bodhan explained formally.

"Hello" the boy said cheerfully.

"The roads been mighty dangerous these days. Mind if I ask what brings you out here? Perhaps we're going the same way," Bodhan asked politely.

"It's a bit complicated, but you're welcome to come along," Merlissia offered as she thought of the benefits of having a walking store along with her meager group.

"Complicated?" he laughed, "Somehow I imagine that only half of it. Thank you for the offer though. There may be more excitement on your path than is good for my boy and me. Now, I'm going to bid you farewell and good fortune," Bodhan explained lightly.

"Very well then," Merlissia said with a polite nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More cameos!!


	10. Warm

"Well, this looks like a good place for an ambush," Merlissia joked as they followed behind the woman. She looked over how the earth rose along the sides forming a narrow path through the middle. In the corner of her eye she saw the glint of a wire as she hurried by.

Slowly, Merlissia came to a stop as she watched the woman start to walk up to a tanned elf. Carefully she looked forward looking at the curve of the tattoos that lined the side of his face. Her eyes then flowed to his golden hair and armor, watching as he signaled for his companions to rise.

Calmly Merlissia turned, watching as a group appeared from the top of the ridge and hurried to their planned positions. She watched her companions dive out of the way of a falling tree with the same casual coolness that Merlissia carried along with her as she took two steps forward and a step to her left, waiting patiently as the enormous tree collapsed behind her.

"And here I thought I was joking," Merlissia said with a smirk as she leaned up against the branch that stuck out into the air next to her. "He's mine," Merlissia said with a shrug as she watched her companions climb to their feet as the dust settled.

"Shall we?" she asked as she finally came forward unsheathing the sword over her right shoulder as she walked towards the elf. "Let's see what fun you have to offer shall we?" Merlissia asked herself as she shifted her blade.

The sudden crackle from the mage distracted her, shifting her gaze she saw the woman beckoning a lightning spell at her fingertips when she heard a quick shuffle at her side. With an easy twist of her torso she easily stepped out of the assassin's swing, catching his wrist with her free hand. A slight tug and his weight carried him forward and out of the way of the mage's spell. "It's not time for you yet," Merlissia shrugged as she hurried forward towards the mage.

For a moment her eyes met with the mages. They looked so cold, so intent on her death… and for a moment Merlissia wondered if they mirrored her own. Quickly, Merlissia rolled to the side evading a mass of rock hurling through the air. Picking up a rock, Merlissia chucked the ample rock into the air hitting the mage with a laugh.  _ You're not the only one who can throw stones _ Merlissia thought as she hurried along and slid her blade along the mage's chest as she spun around her, finally ending when her blade emerged from her chest through her back.

"Now, care to play?" Merlissia taunted as she kicked the mage off her sword.

"Oh, I'm game… Might I suggest one that involves less armor?" the elf questioned.

_ That accent…. Stop it! _ Merlissia scolded herself as she allowed herself to get distracted. "Oh, I believe you'd have to try harder to win my prize," Merlissia laughed as she walked closer to the elf, watching as the sun glistened off his golden locks.  _ Stop _

"Tsk, a shame," he said quickly as he threw a vial to the ground, clouding the area with a dense smoke that he vanished into.

Quietly she turned, listening to the shuffling around her, trying to block out the sounds from everyone’s battles. Suddenly she leaned back, hearing a quiet ring from her armor as she barely missed the assassin's attack.

"You're an assassin then… and here I had hoped for a real tussle," Merlissia announced to the smoke as she listened to him reposition.

She tilted her head to the side as she felt a heavy hand grip her wrist. Dropping her sword she struggled to twist her arm catching his wrist as he held hers. Planting her heels in the ground she pulled him forward until his armor pressed against hers.  _ He's tall for an elf _ she thought as she noticed the difference in their height.

"But I can't say this hasn't been fun," she admitted with a smirk as she slipped out of his grasp, wrapping herself around him holding one of his own daggers to his throat. "Though, I am curious… how many daggers do you have on you?" She asked with a laugh. "I almost missed this one," she admitted.

"A few, not that they help me in this position," he answered promptly.

"I assume it's poisoned… comes with the trade I assume…" as she glanced at the dagger for a brief moment.

"Merlissia!" a voice called from outside the smoke.

"Oh yeah… the others," Merlissia mumbled as she slammed the pommel against the back of Zevran's head.  _ He seems chatty.. and fun to play with _ Merlissia thought as she watched him topple to the ground.

"What are you guys done too?" Merlissia asked as she looked over her companions. "I wish you would have said so, I wouldn't have knocked him so hard," she added as she motioned to the elf with his dagger.

"I didn't know you had a dagger like that," Alistair started as he watched Merlissia look over the elf.

"Oh, I don't.. it's his," she admitted quickly… "I wonder how many he has on him… assassins…" she wondered out loud and half tempted to find out.

Resisting her urge to strip the elf to find out, she decided to roll him onto his back so that she could look over his features. "An ideas where he's from? I assume Loghain hired him… but his accent…" she asked as she straddled the elf's waist.

Without a word she lowered herself down until she was sitting on just above his hips with her knees following the lines of his broad chest. Patiently she sat watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest as she padded his dagger on his armor.

"Can't we wake him up already? Morrigan?" Alistair asked eagerly as he kept his back turned from Merlissia.

With a smug smile Morrigan walked over and overturned her water skin over the elf's face, jolting the elf awake.

"Mmmm… oooo… what?" he groaned as he started to wake up, opening his eyes as he tried to focus on Merlissia who towered above him

"I rather thought I would wake up dead, or not wake up at all as the case may be," he started as he rubbed his temple with his free hand before moving it down, resting it on Merlissia's hip watching as she raised her eyebrow at him.

_ Is that… the same look… _ she thought as she looked over the elf's expression.

"But I see that you haven't killed me yet," he noted as he tested how long she'd let him leave his hand.

"Oh, I still could… though it makes it harder to question you that way… but you look smart enough to have figured this out from the moment you woke up," Merlissia jested as she casually brushed some of the dirt off her armor.

"So I am to be interrogated… Let me save you some time. My name is Zevran, Zev to my friends. I am a member of the Antivan Crows, brought here for the sole purpose of slaying any surviving Grey Wardens. Ha, at which I have failed at, sadly." He admitted eagerly.

"I knew you were chatty, why can't everything be so simple?" Merlissia asked calmly. "Can't say that I'm displeased with the result though," she added quickly.

"And so would I be, if I were in your shoes. However, it sets a rather poor precedent doesn't it? Getting captured by a target seems a bit detrimental to one's budding assassin career," Zevran added with a playful smile.

"No, I suppose that does put an ugly blemish on your record… I assume your employer won't be too thrilled either," Merlissia added as she tossed his dagger aside before running her hand through her thick hair. "Your employer?" Merlissia asked as she looked down as she shifted her hips, growing annoyed with herself for her inability to ignore his full lips or how his tattoos kept her attention.

"A rather taciturn fellow in the capital, Loghain, I think his name was? Yes, that's it," He answered promptly.

"So… keeping in mind that I'm not very fond of liars… does that mean that you are loyal to Loghain?" Merlissia asked as she tilted her head to the side, watching for his response.

"I have no idea what his issues are with you. The usual, I imagine. You threaten his power, yes?"

"I do suppose I can be rather threatening," as she mocked innocence.

"Beyond that, no, I'm not loyal to him. I was contracted to perform a service," he explained as he looked up towards her with his amber eyes, curious as to her behavior.  _ What is her game? All the rumors tell of the Warden are about how she is cold and calculating… _ he thought curiously to himself as he felt her brush his hand from her hip.

"Well, seeing as you failed, what now?" Merlissia continued on, watching as he left his hand where it landed.

"Well, that's between Loghain and the Crows. And between the Crows and myself," he explained coolly.

"I see… so when were you to meet with him next?" Merlissia pushed, eager to see how willing he was to divulge information about his employer.

"I wasn't. If I had succeeded I would have returned home and the Crows would have informed your Loghain of the results if he didn't already know. If I had failed, I would be dead. Or should be as far as the Crows are concerned, no need to see Loghain then," he explained readily.

"If? Quite the optimist aren't you?"

"Yes, though the chances of succeeding at this point seem a bit slim, don't they?" He laughed, causing her to bounce. Quickly she pressed her hand against his chest to steady herself as she felt his hands grab her hips. "Oh, but I don't suppose you'd find that funny," he finished as he released her hips bringing his hands down to his sides.

"Only a little," Merlissia jested with a small smirk. "But I am curious… how much were you paid to come after us?"

"I wasn't paid anything, the Crows however were paid quite handsomely, or so I understand. That makes me about as poor as a Chantry mouse come to think of it. Being an Antivan Crow isn't for the ambitious to be perfectly honest," he said shrugging at his own circumstances.

"So why be one?" Merlissia asked curiously, finally showing just a hint of something other than her typical coolness.

"Well, aside from a distinct lack of ambition I suppose it's because I wasn't given much of a choice," he shrugged. "The Crows bought me young, I was a bargain too. Or so I am led to believe. But don't let my sad story influence you. The Crows aren't so bad. They keep one well supplied, wine, women, men, whatever you happen to fancy," he said with a smirk. "Though, the whole severance package is garbage, let me tell you. If you're considering joining, I'd really think twice about it," he offered.

_ He almost sounds sincere _ she thought as she shook her head. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," Merlissia said as she looked down at him as he adjusted himself to be more comfortable underneath her.

"You seem like a bright girl… I'm sure you have, other options,"

_ Damn those eyes… _ she thought as she felt herself loosing herself in his eyes.

"Why are you telling me all this?" She asked quickly, returning to her typical cool stare.

"Ha, why not? I wasn't paid for silence… Not that I offered it for sale precisely," he jested.

"So are you even loyal to your employer at all?" She asked before she could stop herself.

"Loyalty is an interesting concept. If you wish, and you are done interrogating me. We can discuss it further…" he offered as his expression shifted to something appearing to be more serious than he had been displaying before.

"Here's the thing. I failed to kill you, so my life is forfeit. That's how it works. If you don't kill me, the Crows will… Thing is, I like living. And you obviously are the sort to give the Crows pause. So let me serve you, instead," he proposed.

"And I would believe that you wouldn't try finishing the job later because?" Merlissia asked as she began to twist around him, popping her back.

"I think I paid my worth back to the Crows, plus tenfold. The only way out, however, is to sign up with someone they can't touch. Even if I did kill you now, they might kill me just on principle for failing the first time. Honestly, I'd rather take my chances with you,"

"How are you useful to me?" Merlissia asked coldly, trying to hurry their discussion along, deciding whether or not she wanted to take him along with her or to simply leave him behind.

"Why? Because I am skilled at many things from fighting, to stealth and picking locks. I could also warn you should the Antivan Crows attempt something more sophisticated now that my attempts have failed. I could also stand around and look pretty if you prefer," he paused looking up to her. "Warm your bed, fend off any unwanted suitors, no?" he added in a more husky tone that struck a deep chord within Merlissia, who had already been fighting to ignore her immediate attraction to the elf.

"Bed-warming might be nice," she offered with a small smile.  _ It can't hurt to mess with him right? _ Merlissia thought to herself as she toyed with the elf's armor.

"See, I knew we could find a common interest.. Or 2 or 3… really I can go all night," he offered as she felt him flex his hips underneath her, almost pulling a quick gasp from her. "I'll even shine armor, you won't find a better deal!" he offered enthusiastically.

Eagerly Merlissia pushed herself up, grabbing hold of the Zevran's armor as she stood, pulling him to his feet. "Why not?" Merlissia said as she stretched her arms into the air.

"What?! You're taking the assassin with us now? Does that really seem like a good idea?" Alistair questioned as he looked over to Merlissia.

"Sure, why not? Just because he's an assassin doesn't mean he has no honor. This whole time he had access to take my daggers, but he didn't even try once. Plus, the Crows are pretty well known for their skill, so he could be a big help," Merlissia offered as she glanced over to Alistair.

"Hmm, alright.. I see your point. Though if there was a sign we are desperate, I think it just knocked on the door and said hello," Alistair agreed in a displeased voice.

"Anyone else have any concerns they'd like to get out before we head back? I'm hungry and this has taken long enough.. They probably think we died," Merlissia pushed as she looked towards her other companions, when no one spoke up she turned back to Zevran with a quick smirk.

"I hereby pledge my oath of loyalty to you, until such a time as you choose to release me from it. I am your man, without reservation… this I swear," He said calmly.

"Oh, that does sound like a weighty oath… Welcome to the gang Zevran. I assume you know me, and Alistair," she started as she looked to Alistair who raised up a hand in greeting. "Sten, and Morrigan," she finished. "Do you have any supplies stashed nearby? They're always useful," Merlissia asked as she watched the tanned elf pick up a large sack from behind the overturned wagon, wishing that she was watching for some suspicious movement rather than oogling the way his muscles pulled and molded as he moved.

"Good, now can we get out of here?" Merlissia complained as she walked back towards the large overturned tree, pulling herself over it. Zevran came easily down beside her the moment her stomach decided to growl.

"You weren't kidding about being hungry were you?" he laughed as he walked beside her.

"Apparently not," she sighed as they headed back towards their camp, holding out his dagger for him. "I thought I should probably give this back.. you might be more useful with it than without," she said as he took the weapon from her.

"Oh? I will need a dagger to warm your bed?" he questioned curiously.

"Ha, speaking of which, we don't have a tent for you unless you have your own means…" Merlissia began as she looked over to see him shrug. Shaking her head, she turned to look back at their path. "Then you can use mine... when I'm not," she said quietly as they made their way down the path.


	11. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to make the hard decisions... sometimes they aren't the right ones.

"You know that tree could have killed you," Alistair started as they walked towards their camp.

"No, I was out of the way… I just wasn't as dramatic about it as you," Merlissia answered blankly, ignoring the way their new companion was looking over her.

_ Her armor… and her skill… who is she _ Zevran thought as his eyes raised from her armor to her profile. Her features were much softer than her words. Her armor, pristine and fitted with an unfamiliar crest that adorned the back as well as her left bracer.  _ A soldier from a noble house? But it's too fitted.. No, maybe a personal bodyguard then? _ Zevran wondered as they strode by the empty countryside.

"So, I must confess… I know you as the Warden, and as you so conveniently introduced Alistair… I wonder if I might know your name..." Zevran asked as he looked over to Merlissia.

"Guess… You get three tries… if you come close I'm give you a prize," Merlissia offered playfully with a devious smile.

"Oh, it is to be a challenge then… This could be fun," Zevran laughed as he began to think of all the choices.

"Rana?"

"No… though it has some of those letters in it," she offered with a soft smile, obviously amused by their little game.

"Hmmm… seemed so fitting," he started as he looked over, "Will you tell me which letters is not in it?" he asked curiously.

"The n and one of the a's" she offered.

"Hmmm…"

"If I don't guess it, what will be the consequences?" He asked curiously.

"Then you'll never know my name," she shrugged as she brought her hand up pausing in front of their small group. "You hear that?" she asked softly as an echo of a small scream could be heard in the distance. The serious nod from Zevran was all she needed to push herself to run along, worried for the family she had left alone.

"She is an apostate!" he shouted loudly as he held his sword to Bethany's neck. "Now stand down and let me do my duty," he demanded as he took a few backward steps.

Merlissia found herself slowing to a stop as she saw what was going on.  _ This isn't your place… it is his duty _ She thought as she listened to the family scream and shout in protest. Quickly she closed her eyes as she walked towards the commotion, trying to clear her head from all the familiar sounds that were echoing in her mind. She clenched her teeth as the images of despair flooded her mind. A pale face of a small boy, the hopeless determination of a guard. An older woman with eyes of acceptance, a man who had eyes of pain.

Zevran turned to see his new commander hesitate. He watched as her facial features tensed and her eyes opened revealing something dark that had laid hidden beneath, and for a moment he was worried about who he had aligned himself with.

_ Yes? No? Yes? No _ Merlissia debated as she made her way around, watching as her companions were looking over the situation. Listening to Alistair debate with Leliana about how this was his duty, and not  _ our _ place to interfere.

"You must be joking! We're in the middle of the blight and you choose to stop and hunt the random apostate?" Bethany asked, clearly surprised by the templar.

"The one who just saved your ass," Carver muttered as he eyed the templar.

"It is my duty to apprehend the apostates," the templar explained plainly.

" _ Duty _ ," Merlissia mumbled to herself as she felt herself get lost in her own thoughts of her duty, slowly beginning to doubt her chances of fulfilling her own duty. Slowly an underlying rage began to take over her as she looked onto the templar. Not seeing his polished armor and dark hair; instead, she saw the one man who destroyed her family standing there with his black eyes staring back at her.

Merlissia watched quietly as the family backed up, all save Rem. She didn't take a step forward to meet the templar nor did she take a step back following the others.  _ Pathetic _ Merlissia thought as she slowly pushed herself to move.

_ Yes? No? Yes? No? _ she debated as she took two steps towards the templar. "Pathetic," she coldly as she silently pulled her sword from its sheath. The small shine that caught the sun's rising light caught Alistair's attention as he turned to see Merlissia walk up behind the templar.

Without so much as a hint of her actions, she swung her blade across the back of the templar's neck. The sharp edge easily severs the heavy limb from its position. All that was heard were the horrified gasps from the Hawke mother and a few of Merlissia's own companions as she watched the templar's body finally realize its demise as he collapsed to the ground, releasing the frightened girl from its grasp.

Merlissia ignored the young girl's expression. A mixture of relief and horror as she saw Merlissia standing behind her, blood dripping from her sword. Instead, Merlissia shoved past the girl and headed for the oldest.

Quickly she flung her dirtied blade to the side as she heard Alistair begin to protest, easily shutting the almost templar up as he evaded the carelessly thrown weapon. Without missing a beat she took the last two steps to close the distance between herself and Rem. Before she knew it her fist was flying threw the air, colliding with the side of Rem's cheek, pushing the girl back.

A step forward with her left foot and she caught Rem's hair and shoulder, pulling her close as she thrust her knee into the girl's abdomen. Smirking as she heard the air flee the woman's lungs. Quickly she replaced her hold on Rem's hair for her blade, unsheathing the weapon from Rem's back as she shoved her back into a convenient tree.

The sounds of a quick shuffle ended just as quick as it begun as she heard a heavy fall.

"Coward, stay still!," Merlissia ordered sternly.

"Mer-"

"NO! NO one says my name!" she shouted with a smirk and she took a quick glance to Zevran who had a dagger resting on the coward's shoulder with a smirk on his face.

"Mer huh? Well I'll have to think on that," he jested to himself as he watched the warden turn back towards the blonde.

Easily Merlissia held Rem's shoulders back as she pressed the point of her sword on the blonde's neck. "This is it? This is as far as you are willing to go?" Merlissia asked bitterly. "This is your family and that was it? A few screams and shouts?"

"No, you don't get to speak!"Merlissia shouted as Rem opened her mouth to protest.

"A man, who was only doing his duty is lying in a pool of his own blood because none of you have made a decision," she spat. "What will happen next time?" she continued on bitterly, "This was  _ not _ my place," Merlissia argued as she leaned in until she was barely an inch from Rem's face. Her eyes are colder than the winter's frost. "I reserve my blade for traitors, murderers… those who  _ deserve _ their end. Not this…" she admitted darkly as she closed her eyes for a moment hoping that the Maker would forgive her. "Is this really what your family is worth to you?" Merlissia asked impatiently.

Merlissia growled as she took out her inner frustration out on Rem. "One man stood in the way of your family remaining whole and you just stood there…" Merlissia started as she shook her head as she shifted her position from leaning on Rem's collar bone to where she held the blonde's jaw.

"Look at me," she demanded as she stared into Rem's sapphire eyes. "Remember this… succeed where I failed," Merlissia whispered darkly. "Do  _ whatever it takes _ to protect what you hold dear… Maker be damned," she finished quietly as she loosened her grip on Rem's jaw.

"What does it take to get it through to you..." Merlissia asked, "There is no room for cowardice, hesitation. Useless…" Merlissia said as she shoved Rem off, dropping her sword by the girls side. "Fucking pathetic," Merlissia muttered as she turned around to find Alistair right behind her, looking down at her.

For a minute the two glared at each other, daring the other to say something. When he had nothing, she pushed past his plate armor as she walked over to the pot that had been sitting over the fire.

"Have they eaten?" Merlissia asked as she pulled off her gloves and scooped a bowl of food out and handed it over to Zevran, Morrigan, Sten, setting one aside for Alistair. Sadly she looked into the pot to see barely a small serving left, as she half listened to Leliana spit out that they all had their fill. Keeping her bowl to herself she stared down at her stew, occasionally poking at one of the few chunks of food to eat.

"Bethany, when you're done healing your sister can you heal him as well?" Merlissia asked motioning towards Zevran, watching as the girl gave a quick nod as she turned away from her sister to head over to the tanned elf.

"Hello… this won't hurt," Bethany reassured as she brought her hands up to the elf's chest.

"I assure you, I'm fine, " he argued as she started her spell, quickly turning towards Merlissia who was just staring into her meager bowl as she chewed her bottom lip.

"You may be, but I will not be going against her wishes," Bethany argued nervously as she turned, following Zevran's gaze to see Alistair approaching Merlissia again.

A heavy weight fell onto her shoulder, causing her to look up from her small bowl in time to see Alistair's angry face before he started shouting at her.

"You just killed an innocent man! For nothing! He was doing his duty!" he screamed at her, already red in the face. He tightened his grip when he felt her start to pull away, forcing her to stay and hear out his complaints.

There wasn't anything for her to say, she couldn't dispute his angry words, she knew what she did was wrong. But it was like she told the Hawkes, she can't go back. She made her decision, and now she has to live with it. She finally started to listen to Alistair again when he began to shake her shoulder. Bitterly she felt her grip on the frail bowl growing tighter and tighter the longer she stood there listening to Alistair condemn her for her actions.

Suddenly she felt the pitiful resistance of the bowl give in as it smashed in her hand, spilling what little stew she could manage to the rocky path where they stood. Quickly she wiped her hand on Alistair's armor as she shoved him out of her way as she walked back over to her things.

"Get your shit, we're leaving," Merlissia ordered as she picked up her gloves and her pack. Pausing only briefly as she dug through her coin purse pulling out a few coins and dropping them into a separate pouch.

Quickly she tossed the pouch to Bethany who struggled to juggle it, eventually dropping it. Easily Zevran caught the small pouch with his free hand without spilling a drop of his stew, with a small smile he dropped the leather in her palm.

"Get to a port, take ship and get the fuck away from here," Merlissia commanded. "Don’t stop unless you have no other choice," she added as she started to walk off. Stopping after a few steps, "Bethany, if I ever find out you have become a blood mage," she started as she turned halfway towards the young girl, looking her dead in the eye. "I will hunt you down myself," Merlissia threatened before turning back towards Redcliffe.

_ Maker forgive me _ Merlissia thought as she headed out, hoping that their walk would remain as silent as it was at the moment.

"I can't believe she did that," Alistair kept on, complaining to anyone who would listen.

"So," Leliana started, clearly ignoring Alistair, "Who might you be?" she asked as she looked over to the tanned elf who hurried to help them pack up their things and follow behind their enraged leader.

"Ah, I am Zevran, Zev to my friends," he offered with a charming smile.

"He's the assassin who tried to kill us an hour ago," Alistair butted in bitterly.

"She took in an assassin?" Leliana questioned as she looked over Zevran questionably.

"'Why not?' was her answer," Alistair started, using that as an excuse to begin complaining about Merlissia's decisions.

"Not just an assassin, and Antivan Crow mind you," Zevran corrected as they followed behind Merlissia.

Quietly he watched as Alistair tried to catch up to Merlissia still going on about the templar. He watched as she rubbed her forehead as she looked up to the darkening sky. Carefully, Zevran waited for Alistair to get a few paces in front of him as he watched a particularly clever hole in the ground to approach when he shouted for him out of nowhere, causing him to fall.

"I was just trying to warn you about that nasty divet there," Zevran offered with a slight smirk as he hurried ahead to walk beside Merlissia.

"Here," He offered as he held out his bowl to her. "You haven't eaten," he added as her stomach growled again.

"Please, eat. I'm not hungry," she admitted. "Well, I am obviously" she added as she padded her stomach, "but I just… no," she finished suddenly.

"How about a compromise, will you take a few bites then? You can't go without. If you don't eat, you won't have any strength and who knows what tomorrow will bring," Zevran said pushing his bowl a little closer to her.

For a moment she just watched the bowl as they walked. "Fine," she muttered as she gave in, taking the bowl from him and taking a bite of the cooling stew. "This beats Alistair's cooking by all means," she admitted lightly as they carried on.

They all carried on quietly for hours until it was growing too dark to see. "I guess this is as good as any place to camp," Merlissia said as she looked at the sheltering trees in a small alcove they had found.

Dutifully they all set their packs down and started getting their tents and things ready. "Zevran, can you work on a fire since you don't really have much else to do?" Merlissia asked calmly as she pulled up her small tent and quickly arranged everything she needed inside before she started unlatching her buckles and pulling off her armor and stacking it in the corner of her tent before she walked back out with her short nightgown hanging over a pair of loose pants with her sword loose in her hand.

Quietly she walked over to the fire, finding a flat rock to sit on. "Thanks, go ahead and get some sleep Zevran. I'm going to take first watch tonight," Merlissia offered as she watched the others getting ready to go to sleep.

For a while she listened as he shifted in her tent. She imagined he was changing out of his armor. Her mind drifted off as she tried to imagine what he looked like as he changed. Quietly she growled as she tried to steer her mind back to where it should be.

She didn't know how long it had been that she had stared blankly into the fire, listening to the soft sounds of her companions as they slept when she realized that Zevran was still shuffling in her tent. Slowly she rubbed her eyes, realizing that barely any time had gone by at all.

"Mercia?"

"What?" Merlissia asked as she looked up to see Zevran standing beside her in a pair of loose pants, a small belt holding a dagger, and a shirt that was tight enough to hint at his physique but loose enough to disguise it.

"Your name," Zevran added as he sat down in front of a large log that was beside Merlissia.

"Ha, no," she answered as she shook her head. "Why aren't you resting?" she asked curiously. "You'll have to switch beds with those on watch until we can get to Redcliffe I'm afraid… and I believe we are behind in getting there," Merlissia admitted.

"Ah, I will be fine," Zevran answered, brushing off Merlissia's concern. "Care to share a drink with me?" Zevran offered as he opened up a bottle.

"Where'd you get that?" Merlissia asked as she eyed the way his lips pressed up against the rim of the bottle.

"From the travelers' wagon we borrowed," Zevran admitted, "Seemed a waste to leave it for the darkspawn," he added with a shrug as he held out the bottle for her.

For a little while they sat in silence, passing the bottle back and forth as they watched the fire, listening for any signs of trouble. "You really should get some rest while you can, I don't know how receptive the others will be about sharing their tent with you while on watch," Merlissia suggested as she looked over to the elf who already looked half asleep.

"I will be just fine," he insisted as he went to take a drink from the empty bottle, dropping it by his side when the liquid failed to flow. "But I do think it is a good time for me to rest… but first a small walk," he offered as he pushed himself up, stretching his arms into the air before walking into the woods.

It wasn't long when she heard Zevran return to their small camp. Looking over her shoulder she watched the elf sit down, leaning his back against a large tree, crossing his arms across his chest as he brought his legs close to him.

Finally the time to switch the watch came when Merlissia felt the night's cold breeze filter through their small cove. Quietly she made her way over to Alistair's tent, calling inside until she heard him begrudgingly agree to get up.

Patiently she waited for Alistair to come out of his tent, dressed in his loose clothing with his sword in hand. Rubbing the side of her face she made her way to her tent, quietly gathering up the few thin blankets she had before crawling out of her tent.

Alistair watched as she lazily walked over to the assassin, dragging her sword behind her. Slowly she lowered herself down and sat beside the elf.

"Merlissia,"

"mmmmm huh?" he grumbled as he opened his eyes to see her settling onto the ground beside him.

"My name," she answered quietly. "You were never going to guess it," she said with a soft smile as she listened to him chuckle. "I'd never be able to hide my name from you for this anyway," she admitted as she stretched.

"What're" he started as he mumbled.

"It's cold," she weakly threatened as she draped her small blankets over him. Slowly scooting closer so that she could be covered as well.

Silently he watched in disbelief as she snuggled into her thin blankets and made a spot for herself.  _ What is she thinking? I just tried to kill her hours ago…. This is not what a cold hearted Warden would do _ Zevran puzzled as he watched her close her eyes in the dim light of the distant fire.

"I swear if you kill me in my sleep, I'm going to come back and haunt your ass," Merlissia threatened weakly as she leaned her head back against the tree.


	12. Camp

Merlissia felt herself stirring to the smells of honey and spice. Slowly she opened her eyes, struggling to focus on the thin blankets. She shifted her gaze to the fire, expecting to see Leliana or someone starting breakfast, but all she saw was an empty flame. With a deep breath she smelled the scent again. It wasn't too strong, it was subtle. Enough to know it was there and to make her want to find it's origin.

Gently she stretched, pushing her chest out as she felt the tight muscles in her back slowly begin to loosen. In the corner of her eye she could just make out the collar of a shirt resting on smooth tanned skin. Startled, she realized her body's position and pulled herself up from Zevran's shoulder. She was sure that her movements were clumsy enough to wake the elf as she moved herself away from him, but all that came from the elf was a husky grumble as he shifted in his spot.

Shaking her head she looked to see Leliana was awake, sitting at the fire. For a moment she looked up into the sky to see that the stars had faded, preparing for the sun to take their place. Merlissia wanted nothing more than to go and train, clear her head. But those days were over, she couldn’t delay them. Not for her wants. So instead she pushed herself up and quickly resituated her blankets around the elf, making sure he was warm before she walked off to her tent.

After a few minutes she walked out, dressed in her full armor as she stopped and took down her tent. Leliana took the hint and headed to tend to her own things. Quietly Merlissia went to work, starting breakfast before she started to wake everyone up. Once the pot was on the fire, she made her way to Morrigan's tent that she positioned at the far end of the camp.

"Morrigan? It's time to get up, we've got a lot of ground to cover today," Merlissia said softly as she woke up the woman. Even Merlissia had to admit that the look in Morrigan's eyes rivaled her own.  _ Someone is not a morning person _ Merlissia thought as she headed over to Alistair's tent. 

"Alistair? It's time to get up. Breakfast should almost be ready and we have a lot of ground to cover today," she repeated as she listened to him mumble about muffins and cakes.

Clearly aware that she wasn't winning the battle over sleep with Alistiar she ducked her head into his tent to find him lying on his back one arm up, curled behind his head as the other rested on his bare chest. Immediately she was thankful for the thin sheet that was pulled up around his waist, as her mind fell into places that it didn't belong.  _ I wonder… how much of him is… stop… stop stop stop _ she thought as she leaned down and pushed on his shoulder. "Come on, get up," Merlissia mumbled as she shoved him finally getting his eyes open.

Quickly he jumped pulling his blanket up to his neck, shouting at her to get out of his tent. Which she did gladly, shaking her head as she looked over to see Sten was already up and serving himself some of the porridge to eat. Finally, she made her way back over to the elf.

"Zevran?" she called quietly, hoping that her voice alone would wake him up. Although she did regret having to wake him up, he looked so peaceful as he slept. His features softened from their tricks, yet he still didn't look at ease. She imagined herself reaching out, gently shaking his shoulder to wake him up and instantly find herself on her backside with a knife in her chest.

Rolling her eyes at her own thought she gently placed her hand on his shoulder as she quietly called to him again. As if by reflex he pushed off her hand and lunged forward with his dagger in his hand. Half expecting the reaction Merlissia leaned back, reaching forward a little too soon to grab his wrist as she felt his blade cut into her palm. Finally with his wrist in hand she flung her left side, shifting their weight as they fell to the ground. The came to a stop with Merlissia sitting on his hips, his wrist still in hand.

"Is this always how mornings are with you?" Merlissia asked as she peered down at the elf.

"No, there are better ways to wake up with me," Zevran jested as he rocked his hips underneath her.

Slowly she shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Breakfast is ready, we're moving out early," Merlissia said softly as she let go of his wrist and headed over to get herself some breakfast.

Quietly Zevran looked over his dagger to see a thin line of blood coating it's blade. Quickly he looked down to his wrist to see a large smudge of blood coating it.

"Merlissia," Zevran started as he walked up to her. "You might want to take this," he offered as he held out a small vial. "I'm afraid, my weapons tend to be poisoned," he finished as she looked over to him.

She was about to deny any injury but he held up his wrist and dagger revealing the blood that coated them. "The poison isn't lethal, though you will lose all use of your arm for a couple hours if you don't take this. And rest assured, you're more useful to me alive. I have no interest in killing you," he explained as she took the vial from him.

"This is going to taste bad isn't it?" Merlissia asked as she opened the small vial to see the yellow liquid inside. Without a second thought she slung the vial back, cringing as the bitterness invaded her senses.

"Ah yes, it does have a certain.. bitterness to it. I hope there are no hard feelings… I-"

"Don't worry about it, it's just a scratch," Merlissia explained as she held up her hand to show the small cut on her palm. "Trust me I already imagined that could happen," she continued, pausing for a second to see him raise his brow. "Though, in the way I saw it… you were on top," she added with a smirk as she watched him melt into a charming smile.

"Naughty boy," she whispered as she handed him a bowl.

"Who made breakfast? This is amazing!" Alistair chirped as he finished his bowl.

"Merlissia did," Leliana answered as she fixed Alistair another bowl. "How far until Redcliffe?" she asked curiously.

"About a day's walk if we make good time," Merlissia guessed as she leaned back against the large log. For a while they all sat in silence, enjoying the decent breakfast. Merlissia sat and thought over what she had done. The way it happened. She didn't mean to kill the templar, but the screams and shouts. The look on Leandra's face reminded her so much of the look on her own mother.  _ I can't lose myself like that again _ she thought as she set down her bowl, cleaning out the pot for later use.

"Everyone ready?" Merlissia asked when she had finished and looked over the cleared camp.

They set out before the sun had come to view, hoping that their travel would be peaceful and productive. No one really spoke. There was a mention of an interesting tree or something off in the distance but no one had anything worth speaking about. Merlissia was sure their thoughts were probably still focused on her recklessness, as they should be.

_ How am I supposed to put that behind me? To move on and pretend like it never happened? _ she wondered as she looked off into the distance as the golden sun cascaded the ground as it rose higher and higher in the sky.

"So, we're all thinking about it… How could you just kill him?" Alistair asked as he walked beside Merlissia.

Everyone held their breath, waiting to see how Merlissia would react to him. Would she be so reckless even with her own companion? A fellow Grey Warden? They were all thinking it, even Alistair.

"You killed him in cold blood. He was no threat to us!" Alistair continued on with growing courage.

Quickly she spun around, facing Alistair. "What the fuck do you want from me?!" she shouted angrily. "You want his debt to be paid?" Merlissia asked as she pulled out her dagger, flipping the blade so that she held out the pommel towards Alistair. "Here's my neck. Slit my fucking throat and be done with it. He's dead and nothing is going to change that!" she exclaimed bitterly.

"I'm done listening to your complaints of how things are going. It's a weak complaint if you offer no better. If you don't like how I lead then fucking grow a pair and man up," Merlissia shouted as she turned back around and headed towards Redcliffe.

As expected, the group fell back into silence for the next couple of hours. Eventually, Merlissia could just see Redcliffe in the distance as they stopped for a small break. Everyone split off into their own spot. Alistair and Leliana sat together talking about whatever was vomited out of his mouth. Sten sat watching the east. Morrigan sat playing with some spell or another while Merlissia climbed to the top of a hill. Looking over the distance they had yet to travel.

The lands down here were very different from her familiar homeland. The landscape was rougher, less trees and more hills.

"So, are you going to let the Warden stay mad?" Zevran asked as he walked up the hill behind her.

"That would make for an awkward adventure wouldn't it… Months of walking in silence..." Merlissia muttered. "I was a little harsh wasn't I?" she asked as she looked down to the dying grass. "Fuck apologizing," she muttered as she kicked a rock down the hill.

"Then lie," Zevran offered with a laugh.

"Oh, I plan to," she answered as she rolled her shoulders back. "He doesn't have to like me. We just have to get this done," Merlissia muttered as she thought about how hard she had been to travel with in the last couple of days.  _ But it doesn't matter _ she thought as she turned to head down the hill.

"Might as well get this over with," she said as she passed by Zevran.

"Alistair?" Merlissia called out softly. Watching as the templar jumped to his feet.

"No need to be so nervous," she continued in the same soft voice. "I just.. I'm sorry. I know this hasn't been easy for you and I know I am… I have been a difficult person. We all have our reasons to be who we are and I'm not asking for anyone to come out with them," she said with a soft smile, watching as he took her half hearted apology like a fish takes water. “I shouldn’t have turned on you like that. We have to trust each other. What’s done is done, I cannot go back,” she said sadly.

That was it, she could see the tension in his shoulders fade as a small smile etched its way on his lips. "Come on guys, I'd like to get a little closer before nightfall. I think we should be coming up to a river nearby, and I for one would love a bath," Merlissa offered as she picked up Zevran and her packs and headed back up the hill.

"Come on, there's a river coming up before Redcliffe. I know a naughty elf who needs a cold bath," she joked as she tossed his pack to him before turning back towards the village.

The march was much better this time around. They made good time, getting to the river much quicker than any of them had originally thought. After a little while they found a nice spot to set up their camp.

"Are you sure we should be stopping?" Sten asked in his typical voice of disapproval.

"We're not far from Redcliffe now, maybe a few hours. This gives us time to rest and clean up so we don't look like beggars when we try and appeal to arl Eamon," Merlissia offered, neglecting to mention how she would do anything to delay admitting her past. "We'll be in Redcliffe by midday tomorrow," she finished as she watched Sten wander off to set up his few belongings.  _ It won’t be long now… _ she thought as they got closer to Redcliffe. 

Quickly Merlissia and the others put up their tents and started on their dinner as they all sat down to talk about this or that. Leliana was first off for a bath to waste the time away as Alistair cooked their dinner. Then Morrigan, then Sten.

While everyone was away bathing or preparing Merlissia took the time to sit and have a needed chat with Alistair who was hopelessly stirring his excuse of a stew.

"Alistair?" Merlissia asked quietly looking around to see everyone else was preoccupied with their own needs. "I know I'm not exactly the friendliest… but … do you want to talk about Duncan?" she asked softly, trying her best to sound like she was really concerned about him.

"No, you don't have to do that. I know you didn't know him as long as I did," Alistair insisted.

"No I didn't. But I am not heartless. I know he was like a father to you. And he was doing his best to help me as well," Merlissia answered.

"I… I should have handled it better. Duncan warned me right from the beginning that this could happen. Any of us could die in battle. I shouldn't have lost it, not when so much is riding on us, not with the Blight and… and everything. I'm sorry," he said softly as he gazed into the fire's dance around the bottom of their shabby pot.

"There is no need to apologize Alistair," Merlissia assured him with a heavy hand on his shoulder.  _ We all lose it sometimes _ she thought as she reflected on her own actions.

"I'd… like to have a proper funeral for him. Maybe once this is all done, if we're still alive. I don't think he had any family to speak of," Alistair admitted as he looked over to Merlissia to see her looking off into the flames as well.

"He had you," Merlissia said wondering if that was the wrong thing to say.

"I suppose he did. It probably sounds stupid, but part of me wishes I was with him, in the battle. I feel like I abandoned him," he explained grimly.

"No, I understand what you mean," Merlissia said blankly.  _ More than you'll ever know Alistair… more than you'll ever know _ she thought as she looked up to him.

"Of course, I'd be dead then wouldn't I? It's not like that would make him happier," he said with a pause. "I think he came from Highever, or so he said. Maybe I'll go up there sometime, see about getting up something in his honor I don't know… The Cousland's have always honored Ferelden and it's heros, so I don't suppose they would mind the trouble," Alistair admitted as he thought the idea over, easily missing the tension that grew in Merlissia's jaw.

_ I was certain Duncan had told him about Highever… _ she thought to herself as she tried to ease the pain that seeped into her heart. "Yes, the Couslands have always honored those worthy," Merlissia agreed flatly, hoping to delay the inevitable.

"Have you… had someone close to you die? Not that I mean to pry, I'm just…"

"No," she lied trying to keep her expression as neutral as she could.  _ What difference does it make if he knows or not? _ she thought. "That doesn't mean I don't understand, Alistair," Merlissia said as she thought of everyone she lost in that one night. Her father, mother, nephew, sister-in-law, all the familiar faces that she had become so used to seeing.

"Thank you. Really, I mean it. It was good to talk about it, at least a little," Alistair admitted as he watched Merlissia get up with a smile.

It wasn't long before everyone was trying to force down Alistair's stew. Merlissia even tried offering it to Cain who showed no interest. "Alistair… this is so bad Cain won't have anything to do with it," she laughed as she scratched the mabari's head. "Go on, go find something for you to eat then," she said and with that the dog leapt to his feet and was off.

"I don't think I've seen a creature flee from food as quick," Zevran added as he watched the mabari leave the camp.

"It's not that bad is it?" Alistair said as he tasted it. "…. Maybe it is," he laughed, agreeing when Leliana said that he was banned from cooking.

"I would offer my hand at cooking, but I somehow doubt that you would trust that," Zevran offered quickly joining in with all the laughter.

Quietly, Merlissia sat listening to Leliana trying to figure out who everyone was, where they came from and why they were here in their little group. Once she was done trying to convince herself that she was hungry for this slop she went over to her tent to collect her belongings so that she could finally take the bath she had been long waiting for.  _ If all goes well I can take a proper bath tomorrow _ she thought happily as she looked back over to see everyone sitting by the fire.

Without a word she turned and headed off towards the river excited to finally clean her clothes and armor and be able to… _ sleep on the dirty ground with my clean self _ she grumbled in her mind as she sat her things down by the river side. She started with cleaning her armor, bringing back it's normal shine before she started washing her clothes. When she was finally finished she lowered herself into the cool water.

For a while she just soaked in the feel of the gentle flow as the cool water as she rested against the riverside. She had finally decided to get on with her bath when she heard someone in the bushes. "I know you're there, you might as well come out," Merlissia said plainly, annoyed that someone would interrupt her precious time to herself.

Tiredly she watched as Leliana came out. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. You had just been gone for a while and Alistair was getting worried… He was going to start looking for you but.. well," Leliana explained as she leaned up against the tree.

"Ah, that's fine. There are far prettier women in the world to spy on than me," Merlissia said as she submerged herself under the water rinsing off her hair. "I do miss taking a proper bath I'll return in a little bit," Merlissia admitted as she pulled herself from the river, quickly drying off before throwing a short night gown on.

She waited a few moments before she gathered her things and walked back to camp. Stopping at her tent, she put away her things. Quietly she made her way back to the small campfire, looking for something to sit on. She tried to ignore how both Alistair and Zevran looked up her lean legs as she walked over to them.

Carefully she sat down between the two, mindful of how short her gown was. "So, what are we talking about?" Merlissia asked as she saw the two glare at each other.

"Oh, nothing too exciting, just about who was going to take first watch," Alistair offered as he watched the Antivan elf oogle her as her attention was turned to Alistair.

"Ah… I can take the first watch, I have to wait for my clothes to dry anyway," she offered with a shrug. "So I guess that means you get to rest," She said looking over to Zevran who just shrugged his shoulders. His amber eyes glistened as he watched the blush grow on Alistair's face when he couldn't resist looking at the way Merlissia's gown clung to her.

"So, dear Warden, if you don't mind my asking. What is our hopes of this trip to this Redcliffe?" Zevran asked, watching the subtle tells of tension building on Alistiar's features.

"Well… neither he nor his men were at Ostagar, so we're hoping that he will join the side of the underdog and aid us in battle and politics really… I have never met the man personally so I do not know what to expect really," she shrugged as she turned towards the fire.

"Is there no other high noble that we might call on?" Zevran asked curiously.

"Teyrn Bryce Cousland has always been a respected man of the Landsmeet, we could try to get in contact with him… his men were at Ostagar but he was delayed. Their family is highly respected. He could offer much needed support in the Landsmeet, if it comes down to it," Alistair suggested as he watched Merlissia suddenly push herself up from the log she had been sitting on and walked off to her tent.


	13. Camp Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some flirting might soften you up.

"So, Alistair… what is the deal with her?" Zevran asked after he saw Merlissia's tent close behind her.

"What about her? You try to kill her and now you want to woo her?" Alistair questioned hostily.

"Ah.. Are you two… involved?" he questioned lightly as he shifted on the log he was sitting on.

"Are we? Involved? No-nooo" Alistair sputtered as his cheeks became a rosy pink color.

"Then she is fair game," he laughed as he watched Alistair's face contort with repulsion. "Worry not dear Alistair… I am only curious, who is she? Where is she from?" Zevran specified, accepting Alistair's hesitation.

"What? Your Crows don't investigte their targets?" he criticized. "I'm afraid I know little more than you. Her name is Merlissia… she hails from somewhere in Highever… Duncan saved her from something or another. She came to Ostagar. We fought our way up the Tower of Ishal. Whatever she survived had to be pretty rough. I remember seeing her back covered in bruises before the battle had even begun," Alistair explained as he looked over towards her tent.

"She really is tough. I remember her killing the ogre on top of the tower like it was yesterday. It's like she flew through the air drenched in blood. When the ogre was downed she stabbed her sword into the beast's skull," Alistair described the scene, continuing on in detail of the blood and how Merlissia was fearless.

"That was when the tide changed. Just after we lit the beacon the darkspawn flooded in… Did you know it took 4 arrows to take her down?" Alistair said as he recalled the night at the tower. "The first was in her back, she was shielding me…" Alistair admitted grimly. "The second in her thigh.. then her side and neck… but it was after the second one… After the arrow was buried deep in her thigh, one of the darkspawn came up to her. Ready to take her life, with an easy swing of an axe. She looked up to that beast. She looked it in the eye and laughed as she pushed herself up, stabbing her sword into the creatures neck… she was smiling…" he recounted with his eyes closed as if imagining the scene in his mind all over again.

"But that's it… She's exactly what you see, an angry woman, a fearsome fighter," Alistair explained flatly.

Zevran was going to press for more, but Merlissia had finally come back from her tent, sword in hand, assuming everyone was ready to rest. With a final glance Alistair rose and went off to his tent, leaving Zevran alone by the fire.

"You going to rest? It is getting late," Merlissia asked as she sat down beside him.

"Ah soon enough.. But I think a bath first," Zevran said happily.

"This late?" Merlissia asked curiously.

"What? Are you worried for me? I am an assassin you know," He jested calmly.

"True… but you lost to me…," Merlissia jested..

"Oh ho, is that so? We'll have to have a rematch then," Zevran insisted with a raised brow.

"Another time, now go before it gets too late," Merlissia said, waving him off.

**

_ How much of what Alistair said could be true? _ he wondered as he pulled the ribbon from his hair. Dropping it down on top of his discarded clothing.  _ Fought off an ogre by herself? No wonder she was so… difficult.. but her games… _ he wondered as he hurried to clean himself off.

When he was done, he quickly dried off and pulled on a pair of loose pants before he headed back to the camp. Quietly he walked up, watching the way Merlissia sat staring into the stars.  _ Ah, if only it weren't all games with her _ he thought as he admired how the light of the fire danced upon her skin before he set his pack down in her tent before walking back over to the fire.

"Care for another drink?" Zevran asked, pulling out another bottle.

"Mmm?" Merlissia asked as she turned around to see the dim glow of the fire dancing over Zevran's lean muscles.  _ Oh Maker where is your shirt? _ Merlissia thought as her eyes travelled over the lines of his toned stomach curious as to the marks she thought she saw.  _ Are those? Scars? Tattoos? _ she thought. For a moment she wondered how much trouble she would get into if she threw him on the ground and had her way with him,  _ then he'd probably slit my throat once done _ she thought sadly as she forced herself to turn away.  _ But if what they say about the Antivans… it might be worth it _ Merlissia thought as she felt herself blush.

"Sure… but you need to rest Zevran, we'll have a busy day tomorrow," Merlissia insisted as she tried to distract herself.

"After a few drinks," he assured her. "So, Warden, what is your story?" he asked curiously as he sat down beside her. His eyes traveling over her strong shoulders to her silky legs before returning to her eyes.

"There's really nothing to know.. I hail from Highever, I fight darkspawn and have a wicked temper. I thought it was quite obvious," Merlissia answered before taking a long drink from Zevran's bottle.

"Ah, I see… you wish to keep your story to yourself," Zevran acknowledged readily. “But I did tell you mine,” he added encouragingly.

"How about a game, a question for a question? You are free to answer as fully as you want, but we must be honest. You game?" Merlissia asked as she handed the bottle back to Zevran without looking at him, afraid she would be distracted once again.

"It's always games with you isn't it?" He asked with a raised brow.

"If I'm not killing someone… What can I say, it makes life more entertaining…" Merlissia offered with a half hearted smile.

"Indeed… This should be good, go ahead," Zevran insisted as he shifted, straddling the log so that he could face her.

"What does it take to be an assassin?" Merlissia asked as she turned towards him to watch his expression better.

"Well, the Crows would have you believe that it is an involved process that takes years of training, the sort that tests both your resolve and your endurance. Survive that process and maybe, just maybe, you're good enough to start being considered one of them. But, quite frankly the truth is that all it requires is a desire to kill people for a living. It's surprising how well one can do in such a field." He explained quietly.

"I take it you did quite well… though it doesn't show," Merlissia teased as she watched him flinch before he gave a quick laugh. "But, I feel like that was not an honest fight either," Merlissia said with a cool eye as she watched him grin.

"Ah, but that is a different question, and is not yet your turn," Zevran said waving his hands in front of him. "Within the Crows, I did. But it has been something the Crows have devoted a great deal of time perfecting," Zevran admitted. "An assassin simply specializes in striking from stealth… and in maximizing that first attack to be as lethal as possible," he explained calmly noticing how Merlissia would watch how he moved as he spoke.

"Debilitate your foe, either by poison or by crippling their limbs, makes any follow up combat you need to engage in that much simpler," he continued on, dropping his hands high on his thighs, smirking as he watched Merlissia struggle to divert her eyes.

"That sounds like it would be quite a useful skill to have," Merlissia started as she took the bottle away from him to take another swig of the sweet wine.

"See? Getting paid for the art is besides the point. An assassin is more a tactical choice than a lifestyle," he added as he watched Merlissia licked up the small bit of wine left on her lip.

"That is assuming you're talented as an assassin," Merlissia added in, "I might have to rethink allowing you in my company," she said plainly as she offered the bottle back to Zevran.

"Oh, but I am quite talented," he replied as he watched Merlissia's uninterested stare into the fire. "But that is a different question, sneaky aren't you," he added bluntly.

"I thought I answered that already…" she started hesitating a moment as she turned her head halfway towards the elf and looking through the corner of her eye she added, "I'm not a good person."

"So you claim. But to complete your answer, the Crows like to pretend that their abilities are trade secrets, shrouded in shadows and wrapped in a blanket of mystery," he started pausing to take a drink of the wine.

"Don't worry… I doubt I'll be having any words with the Crows anytime soon," Merlissia said with a wave of her hand.

"Your turn," She added quietly as she looked down to her bare legs, rubbing her hands along her thighs.

For a moment, Zevran thought about what he should ask. He wasn't sure how long their game would last so he figured his more pressing questions would have to be the ones to come first.

"Why did you spare me?"

His voice was smooth and certain, and his amber eyes that shined in the fire's light had a severity to them. Merlissia couldn't explain it but she knew that he really wanted to know this, but what could she say? 'You looked like I did when I woke up for the first time since the tower' that she saw a glimpse of the demons he hides the way she hides her own.

"I don't know," she lied. “Perhaps you reminded me a little of myself,” she added sadly. "Or maybe it just suited my mood at the time I suppose," she offered with a weak smile.

"Ah, I see. Lucky me," he laughed.

"So, last night, why sleep out in the open when I offered you my bed?" Merlissa asked curiously before noticing how what she said sounded.

"Ha ha, I think I would remember that offer," Zevran said with a devilish smirk. "It was late… and no other in the camp would offer the same courtesy, so there was no point," he answered promptly.

"Why do you trust me so?" Zevran asked, watching her reaction for some tell.

"Oh, that's a good one!" Merlissia said, "I'm sure the rest are wondering the same," she added. "Honestly? I don't," she said plainly as she shook the empty wine bottle. "I think you're… more than what you put on…" she added with a shrug.

"You think I'm more?" he questioned as he watched the way her lean muscles moved as she stood up to stretch. "More what?"

"Deadly, vulnerable, intelligent, sly… whichever one fits best," Merlissia listed off as she twisted her back. "But… The way I see it… It doesn't matter," she explained. "More than likely I'm not going to survive all this. Whether it's your hand, Loghain's or some random darkspawn I'm going to die," she explained as she looked down to the tanned elf with the distant look she typically had.

"So if you believe I am more than what I seem… why have you not pressed me for answers then?" he asked, hoping she would answer the question even though his turn was by all means done.

"Like I told Alistair, we all have our reasons for being who we are. We all have secrets, Zevran," she admitted as she looked up to see the moon had traveled much further than she had expected. Slowly she turned and walked over to Alistair's tent calling to him to get up to take his watch. Quietly she walked back to the fire as she heard Alistair shifting inside his tent.

"Come on," Merlissia said as she padded Zevran's shoulder as she walked by.

"Where are we going?" Zevran asked as he stood up from his spot, slowly following behind Merlissia, watching the way her nightgown swayed as she walked.

"To bed," she said quickly as she ducked into her tent, leaving the flap open behind her.

"I'm not sure that your companions would—"

"Not like that…” she answered quickly. “Zevran get in here before I have to kick your ass… again,” she jested. “I don't care what they think… I thought everyone got that by now.." she muttered as she situated her bedroll. "I'm not about to sleep leaning up next to a tree like that again… I'm just regaining feeling in my ass from that," she joked.

"I am fine, please just get some-"

"Zevran… stop being a pain… Antiva is a warm place where Ferelden is not and winter is coming," Merlissia argued as she looked outside her tent to see Alistair watching in the distance.  _ Maker save me if I wake up cuddling into him in the morning _ she thought as she waited impatiently for Zevran to hurry up and get in so that she could sleep.

Slowly, Zevran made his way into her tent. "I am no frail elfling," he insisted.

"I really never thought that I would be so horrible to sleep next to," Merlissia thought out loud as she ran her hand through her hair. "I never said you were… can't you just take the kindness that I am offering?" She asked as she felt aggravation growing in her.

“I’m not trying to do anything more than sleep. If you kill me, well you saved everyone else some time,” she said tiredly as she rolled out her bedrolll.

For a minute he watched her as she tried to make as much room for him as she could in her bedroll. His mind quickly wandered as thoughts of how her skin would feel flooded his mind. "I'm sure your suitors have never been disappointed," he offered as he moved over to the available side of the bedroll. Quietly he listened to her scoff at his comment as she scooted down in her bedroll.

For once, she was glad for the darkness in her tent as she felt her cheeks flush as his broad shoulder brushed against hers as they lied there in silence.  _ How great would it be for Alistair to come in here to find us like this _ she thought as she listened to Zevran take a deep breath as he appeared to relax. 


	14. Old Friends

He opened his eyes to find a pair of silver ones staring back at him. Slowly he blinked again trying to focus. "What do I owe the honor?" Zevran asked quietly only to hear the broad mabari snort as he hovered above the elf. Cautiously, the elf began to unfold his arm from behind his head to hear the low growl of Cain filling the space between.

Through the corner of his eye he saw Merlissia shifting on the small bedroll, trying to keep herself as far from him as she could.  _ Hmmm well this is certainly uncomfortable _ Zevran thought as he tried to make out the shape of Cain in the shadows, but all he could see was the dog's silver eyes glowing in the darkness and the glimpse of white teeth when he growled. All he could feel was the beast's warm breath on his neck and the weight of his massive paw on his chest.

Lazily, Merlissia rolled onto her side. "Mmmuhh, go be a pain somewhere else Cain.. I don't want to.." Merlissia mumbled as she rolled onto her side, shoving the mabari's shoulder.

As soon as Cain turned to walk out of the tent, her arm fell down onto Zevran's chest. He began to thank her for calling off her hound when he noticed how her hand didn't move. Looking down he saw her eyes were closed. Slowly he shook his head.  _ Convenient how that worked out _ he thought as he closed his eyes, trying to get a little more rest before the long day ahead started.

Just as his body was about to give into the Fade, he felt her shift. Lazily he opened his eyes just enough to see her. It was slight, but he could feel it. She was shaking. Carefully he shifted, looking over to her. Noticing the way the strap of her night gown had slid from her shoulder and now rested loosely on her arm.

Slowly he lifted up, reaching for her blankets as he felt her shiver he paused as she began to mumble.

_ "No…" _

_ "I'm sorry…" _

Carefully he turned hoping to get a good look at her. Her features were tense. Whatever she dreamed of, wasn't a good one he thought as he thought he saw a tear streak down her cheek. Slowly he pulled up the thin blankets covering her as he settled himself back down, resting his head back on his hands.  _ Now, I do wonder what could bring our fearsome leader to tears… _ he thought as he closed his eyes once more hoping that there was still time for a decent rest.

Once again he was on the edge of the Fade when he felt someone enter her tent. Annoyed he cracked his eyes open to see Alistair paused at the tent's opening. His face was nothing short of bewildered as he looked at the two. Zevran was sure it was a sight to see. Their beautiful leader lying next to him arm around his chest... both appeared to be naked he was sure from the templar's perspective.  _ Well now… what will this turn into? _ he thought as he pretended to sleep.

Watching through shaded eyes, Zevran saw Alistair grabbed Merlissia's arm from off of his chest as he dragged her out of her tent, instantly waking her up. In Merlissia's mind, she was still in the midst of her dream where Howe's men were taking her from her family. Without a thought, she swung her fist hitting Alistair square in his jaw.

Zevran couldn't help but smirk as he watched the other Warden defend himself, catching Merlissia's wrists until she noticed who he was.

"Ow" he cried like the wimp Zevran thought he was. Amused, Zevran sat up watching the shadowed figures from inside the tent. 

"Mmahh, what? What the hell Alistair?" She shouted as she pulled the strap of her night gown back to where it belonged. "I'm sure there are several better ways that you could have woken me up… You know, calling my name would have been a start," She said as she rubbed her knuckles gingerly.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alistair's voice echoed into the cool air as he peered down at Merlissia.

"I thought that was obvious, I was sleeping," Merlissia answered as she shifted her weight and ran her hands through her messy hair.

"Sleeping with the assassin?" Alistair asked, his tone was riddled with arrogance as he spat out his question.

"I am supposed to force him to sleep on the ground with nothing?" she asked bitterly as she turned to go next to the fire for warmth. Her annoyance written clearly in her expression. "I would have asked you but—"

"I will not lower myself to share a bed with some common harlot," Alistair spat out before Merlissia could finish. He watched her stop mid step as the words reached her ears.

"Excuse me?" She said coolly before she turned back to him.

Quietly Zevran pulled himself from the warm blankets, and made his way outside the tent never taking his eyes off the pair.  _ Oh Alistair, you are digging yourself into quite a hole _ he thought as he walked towards the pair, unnoticed by either of them.

"You know nothing about him... Is it really so wise to sleep with the man who just tried to kill you?" Alistair asked bluntly.

That was it, something inside her just broke. Before she knew it she was inches away from him. Her fist was already in motion, dead set on beating him senseless. Even before she felt heavy weight hold her back, she realized that this… her anger was pointless. She remembered where she was, who she was. Nobody. It didn't matter. None of this mattered. All that mattered was they defeat the Blight. Slowly she looked over to see Zevran standing beside her, his1 warm hand holding her wrist firmly, halting her failing assault.

"Excuse me," Zevran said with a polite nod to Merlissia as he turned and slugged Alistair in the face hard enough to knock him to the ground.

His movements were like water, fluid and graceful as he repositioned himself. Stepping on Alistair's wrists as he leaned over the templar, his hand pressing on his jaw forcing Alistair to look back up at him. "I am many things Alistair, a murderer, a thief… I am an assassin afterall, but I do have honor. If I am nothing else I am a gentlemen," he explained coolly as he stared down at the frightened Warden. "I have done nothing to provoke these actions," he added nonchalantly.

"Zevran… Enough," Merlissia said softly as she glared at Alistair. "It doesn't matter. Whatever or whoever I was before the Wardens… hell who I am now doesn't matter," she admitted grimly before turning away from the two of them. "Get everyone up, we're moving on to Redcliffe," she ordered as she placed their cooking pot on the fire. It wasn't like it was the last morning. She was tired like before but now she didn't care. Didn't care how their breakfast was to be, how everyone would get along.

"What are you waiting for?" she spat as she dumped some berries she had saved into the porridge.

For a minute she stared into the pot as she listened to Alistair shuffle to his feet and wake everyone up. It didn't take long for it to thicken, so Merlissia scooped herself a small amount out, making sure that there would be enough for everyone else. She forced herself to take a bite or two, and honestly it was good, the berries sweetened the bland taste. But she was in no mood to eat.

Zevran watched as she set her bowl down, abandoned after barely taking 2 bites.  _ This can't be good… _ he thought as he decided to keep a watchful eye on their leader. Curiously he scooped himself a serving of the porridge and glanced into her bowl, even with the few spoonfuls she took there was barely anything in the bowl.  _ You're not a good person hmm? _ he questioned as he ate, watching everyone dutifully pack their belongings and ready themselves for the road to Redcliffe.

He watched the same as his other companions did at the way that Merlissia and Alistair avoided one another even through their camp. He watched as Merlissia stopped by Sten to talk. Her expression was her common neutral. He wasn't close enough to hear everything that was asked, but from what he gathered she was just asking about his well being.  _ He must be yet another rescue of hers _ Zevran imagined as he tried to piece together who all the members of her small party were.

The sun was almost above them when they made it to Redcliffe. Merlissia had just begun to feel at ease knowing their destination was so close when Alistair walked up in front of them, stopping the group.

"Look, can we talk for a moment? I need to tell you something. I, ah, should probably have told you earlier," Alistair said nervously as he looked towards Merlissia to see her stern expression from the morning hadn't eased.

"By all means Alistair, what's on your mind?" Merlissia said patiently, her tone contradicting the anger that still ruled her eyes.

I told you before how Arl Eamon raised me, right? That my mother was a serving girl at the castle and he took me in?" he started speaking faster as he got closer to his point. "The reason he did that was because… well, because my father was King Maric. Which made Calin my… half-brother, I suppose" he explained watching Merlissia's jaw drop.

"So… you're not just a bastard, but a royal bastard?" she joked with half a smile.  _ Fuck! I suppose he was kept secret… Like this doesn't complicate things _ she thought as she watched him laugh.

"Ha! Yes. I guess it does at that. I should use that line more often," he laughed as he shook his head.

"Good, not every day you get to punch the heir to the throne in the face," Merlissia admitted as she thought about how the day had started.

"I would have told you, but… it never really meant anything to me. I was inconvenient. A possible threat to Cailan's rule and so they kept me secret. I've never talked about it in years. Everyone who knew either resented me for it or the coddled me… even Duncan kept me out of the fighting because of it. I didn't want you to know as long as possible. I'm sorry," he apologized quietly.

"Don't apologize for who you are," Merlissia started as she looked up to him. "You make it sound like you asked for this," she added as she glanced over at the others. "I understand why you didn't say anything about it, and it's not like I was asking," Merlissia finished as she looked back to him.

"Ha, good. I'm glad. It's not like I got special treatment for it anyhow. At any rate. That's itn that's what I had to tell you. I thought you should know about it," he rambled nervously as he stood before their companions.

"Anything else you'd like to get off your shoulders?" Merlissia asked as she tilted her head to the side.

"Besides my unholy love of fine cheeses and a minor obsession with my hair? No. That's it, just the prince thing," He offered lightly as he watched her shrug with an amused smirk.

"So should I be calling you Prince Alistair?"

"I have no illusions about my status, however. It's always been made very clear that I'm a commoner and now a Grey Warden and in no way in line for the throne," He explained plainly. "And that's fine by me. No, if there's an heir to be found, it's Arl Eamon himself. He's not of royal blood, but he is Cailan's uncle.. and more importantly, very popular with the people. Though, if he is really as sick as we've heard… no, I don't want to think about that" he finished as he watched Merlissia's expression.

"And you think Arl Eamon will look over tradition to take the throne?" Merlissia asked bluntly. "Hate to tell you this, but the way I see it… The throne will go to you or Anora," Merlissia explained, immediately kicking herself for letting her thoughts fly out of her mouth.

"I… I don't know…." He rambled.

"While we're stopped, does anyone else have a confession that we might need to know about?" Merlissia asked as she turned to her companions.

"I have an unholy love of leather," Zevran said lightly with a devious smile.

"Good to know," she said as she shook her head.

"So, can we move on, and I'll just pretend you still think I'm some… nobody who was too lucky to die with the rest of the Grey Wardens," he pushed eager to get off of the subject.

_ And what does that make me? _ she wondered briefly before she noticed he was looking to her again. "As you command… my prince," she replied with a smirk watching as he flailed his arms into the air in annoyance.

"So, does that make you one of the few that were too lucky to die with the rest?" Zevran asked Merlissia as he walked up next to her.

"No, I wouldn't call it luck," she muttered with a frown. "Come on we're practically here… And I'm pretty sure from here on out, things are going to get a whole lot more interesting," Merlissia urged as she started walking down the hill towards the bridge.

They were greeted by a nervous man, Tomas, who told them about strange happenings at the castle. He had little information to offer but he brought Merlissia and her group to Bann Teagan.

"It's… Tomas, yes? And who are these people with you? They're obviously not simple travelers," Bann Teagan said as Merlissia looked about the Chantry. Her eyes gazing over the injured and frightened.

"No, my lord. They just arrived, and I thought you would want to see them," Tomas offered quickly.

"Well done, Tomas. Greetings, friends. My name is Teagan, Bann of Rainesfere, brother to the arl," he introduced himself with a polite bow.

_ I see little has changed since I saw him last… Please don't recognize me _ Merlissia thought as she looked over his familiar features. She could remember the times she had spent talking with the Bann as her father visited, the fond thought was tinged with pain as she thought of happier times.

"I remember you, Bann Teagan, though the last time we met I was a lot younger and … covered in mud," Alistair mentioned, taking the Bann's curious gaze from her companions to her fellow Grey Warden.

"Covered in mud? …Alistair? It is you, isn't it? You're alive! This is wonderful news!" Teagan exclaimed eagerly.

"Still alive, yes, though not for long if Teyrn Loghain has anything to say about it," Alistair agreed.

"Indeed. Loghain would have us believe all Grey Wardens died along with my nephew, amongst other things," Teagan offered.

"You don't believe Loghain's lies?" Merlissia laughed, hating herself again for drawing attention towards herself.

"What, that he pulled his men in order to save them? That Cailan risked everything in the name of glory? Hardly." Teagan answered bitterly. "Loghain calls the Grey Wardens traitors, murderers of the king. I don't believe it. It is an act of a desperate man," he finished with the same anger he started with.

"I'm sorry, Bann Teagan, I did not mean to upset you," Merlissia said quickly hoping to calm him down.

"So… you are a Grey Warden as well? Is it possible we've met? You seem familiar," Teagan questioned as he looked over her face. Merlissia could just feel her companions eyes studying the situation, eager to know a little glimpse of who she might be.

"No… You must be mistaken," she lied as she quickly looked away after noting how he accepted her lie.  _ Damn it Teagan, not here… not now _ she thought before he decided to speak again.

"You're here to see my brother? Unfortunately, that might be a problem. Eamon is gravely ill," Teagan explained. "No one has heard from the castle in days. No guards patrol the walls, and no one has responded to my shouts. The attacks started a few nights ago. Evil… things… surged from the castle. We drove themback, but many perished during the assault," he explained calmly.

"Is there a better way to describe them? Evil things seems a bit vague for my imagination," Merlissia asked curiously.

"Some call them the walking dead; decomposing corpses returning to life with a hunger for human flesh… They hit again the next night. Each night they come, with greater numbers." He tried to explain, but she could see the desperation on his features. "With Cailan dead and Loghain starting a war over the throne, no one responds to my urgent calls for help. I have a feeling tonight's assault will be the worst yet. Alistair, I hate to ask, but I desperately need the help of you and your friends," he begged.

"It isn't just up to me. Though the Grey Wardens don't stand much chance against Loghain without Arl Eamon," Alistair insisted.

_ We don't have time to save everyone… but Teagan…  _ she thought for a moment before she decided. "Of course we'll help," she said firmly listening to the few complaints of her companions. "Look, we need an army. One who is not loyal to Loghain, this must be done," she insisted.

"Thank you! Thank you, this… means more to me than you can guess," Teagan said, his voice tinged with the tiniest bit of hope. "Tomas, please tell Murdock what transpired. Then return to your post," Teagan instructed calmly. "There is much to do before night falls. I've put two men in charge of defenses outside. Murdock, the village mayor, is outside the Chantry. Ser Perth, one of Eamon's knights, is just up the cliff at the windmill watching the castle. You may discuss with them the preparations for the coming battle."

"Alright, let's go have a chat with this Murdock fellow," Merlissia said as she turned to her companions.

"If I may…" Teagan spoke up after they had taken a few steps away from him. "Warden, may I have a word with you?" he asked as he looked to Merlissia.

"If it pleases you, my lord," She said with a soft smile. "Go on, see what is needed to be done and help out. The village isn't that large, I will catch up with you when we are finished," Merlissia ordered as she turned back to Bann Teagan.

For a while they watched as her companions left the Chantry before they had spoken.

"So they don't know who you are?" Teagan asked curiously as he raised his brow.

"You'd think they would since I'm wandering around with my family armor on," Merlissia jested quietly.

"So you're not going to tell them?" he pushed as he motioned for her to have a seat in the vacant room off to the side.

"What would be the point Teagan?" she asked, finally letting the sadness show in her eyes. "Howe meant to kill us all… Fergus had made it to Ostagar… I never found him… I couldn't even tell him about Howe," she said with a heavy sigh.

"Now it's just me, and I have no title, no name. The Cousland's are gone my friend," she said quietly as she looked over to him as he rested a heavy hand on her shoulder.

"You are still a Cousland, my lady. You always will be," he assured her as he squeezed her shoulder gently. "Your father was a good man, he would be proud of—"

"No… I have done nothing to be proud of Teagan…" she interrupted as she shook her head. "So let's talk of some truths… don't you think the timing of all this is awfully… convenient?" She asked as she looked into Teagan's eyes.

"Are you suggesting what's happened here is related to Cailan's death and the civil war? Even Eamon's illness?" he asked, surprised by Merlissia's accusations.

"I'm not saying it is for certain. I can't say the walking dead would be… that's the work of a mage or demon… Not to say that Loghain couldn't be pulling the strings, but either Loghain is the luckiest man in this world or Eamon's illness was planned," Merlissia explained darkly. "Do you know why he is sick?"

"No, I do not. I arrived recently myself, having heard the news. I know as much as you do. I haven't given it a lot of thought, to be honest. It's been a struggle just to survive. But it could be involved with the throne, yes." Teagan agreed solemnly.

"Don't worry Teagan, we'll get to the bottom of this… I was too lucky to die once.. I don't see why it couldn't happen again," she said with a dark laugh. "So this quest… the Urn of Sacred Ashes…" Merlissia questioned as she leaned back savoring the small bit of time she had to relax.

"I question Isolde's decision to send so many knights in search of this relic, but I am a practical man whereas she is a woman of great faith," Teagan explained.

"A shame faith alone doesn't win battles," Merlissia snapped before she caught herself. "Sorry," she added quickly.  _ Maker I hate that woman _ she thought as she watched Bann Teagan laugh at her expense.

"Your dislike for her still lingers I see," Teagan teased. "Ser Perth was one of the knights sent on this quest, perhaps he'll have more information for you," he offered as he sat down beside her.

"So why stay cooped up in here. You're not new to a blade," Merlissia pressed quietly.

"Ser Perth insists. He wants me to be with the villagers, so everyone he needs to protect is in one place," he said with a slight pause. "I don't mind, to be honest. The point of all this is to protect the villagers, and I can do that best here. This is the last line of defense, should things go amiss," Teagan explained in his typical calmness that she always envied.

Quietly he looked over to see her smile as she listened to him. "Always the protector…" she laughed. "There will be no need of that talk, my friend," she assured him as she stood up, squaring her shoulders. "We have been good friends for quite some time now… You've always been so good to my father and I," she started pausing to look back to his worried eyes. "I will not allow anything to happen to this village," she proclaimed as she gave him a final determined glance before she turned around.

"No harm will come to you, my friend," Merlissia promised as she took a step towards the Chantry doors.

"Nothing will pass the Chantry doors until dawn, and we'll storm the castle."


	15. A Softer Side

She heard them as she reached for the door, the sounds of the men screaming echoed under the old door. Gently she tightened her grip on the boys shoulder, pulling him to her side as she looked over to Zevran.

"The fighting has already started," Merlissia explained quietly as she knelt down in front of the boy. "But, it's going to be okay, we're going to get you into the Chantry where you'll be safe," she said softly as she looked into the frightened boys eyes.

"But they're out there!" he insisted as tears started to swell in his eyes.

"Yes they are, but do you know what I am?" Merlissia asked as she brushed her hand across the boy's cheek.

"A soldier?" he squeaked.

"I am, but not just any kind of soldier. I am a Grey Warden. And do you know about the Grey Wardens?" she asked as she lifted his chin.

"They fight the archdemons and defeat the blight," he answered quickly.

"And do you know who my friend here is?" Merlissia asked as she motioned towards Zevran. She watched as the boy shook his head. "He is… the finest knight from Antiva, the best of the best," she lied as she smiled at the boy. "So what are a few of these creatures to a Grey Warden and her fearless knight?" Merlissia asked with a warm smile.

"I won't let anything happen to you. You have to trust me, and stay close to me," Merlissia said. "Can you do that?" she asked calmly.

Slowly, the boy nodded. "Okay, here we go," Merlissia said as she looked up to Zevran. "Wrap your arms around my neck," she whispered as she pulled her sword from her back. Gently she wrapped her arm under the small boy lifting him as she stood.

"This is going to be interesting," Merlissia said as she looked to Zevran.

"I will get you to the Chantry safe and sound," Zevran said with a quick smile as the door swung open with a corpse standing in a doorway.

With a quick swing Merlissia severed the creature's spine. "Now, close your eyes and bury your head in my shoulder boy," Merlissia ordered softly as she followed Zevran from the house. For a moment, they looked over the scene. The villagers were holding their own surprisingly.

Quickly they ran to the Chantry, pounding on the door shouting for Leliana to open up. They waited for a while with no response as they struggled to protect the boy.

"Zevran, prove to me you're the man you claim to be. Find another way in, I'll be fine," Merlissia shouted as she twisted away from one of the corpses.  _ Maker this is disgusting _ she thought as she shoved one of the corpses off to the side.

Merlissia turned to see Zevran had vanished.  _ Please make it quick Zevran… he isn't getting any lighter _ she thought as she leaned back leaving inches between her neck and the creatures blade.

**

_ There is always another way _ Zevran thought as he searched around the Chantry for some clue. In the shadows he ran, carefully looking over the walls and the shadowed ground as he moved when he felt the earth underneath him change. Quietly he bent down feeling the earth, expecting the brittle grass and soil only to find a cold metal slab.

Quickly he searched as he cleared off a hidden door. It creaked loudly as he pulled the rusted door open revealing stone steps leading beneath the surface. Quietly he headed down, relying on his elven eyes to guide him in the darkness. Easily he found a torch hanging on the wall waiting to be lit.

It took two strikes, and the assassin was able to light the torch giving the tunnel a faint orange glow. Quickly he made his way through inspecting the walls as he rushed.

Finally he came to a door that was easy enough for him to pull open only to find the back of a chest in the doorway.

"Hey!!! Can anyone here me!!" Zevran shouted. "I would suggest moving if you're around this," he warned as he started to push the dresser.

As soon as the wood scrapped against the stone Zevran heard woman scream, and children cry.

"Leliana!" Zevran shouted when he got enough room to look in with to see the red head hurrying over.

"Zevran? What in the Maker's name are you doing here?" she asked as she helped to move the bookshelf.

"You wouldn't answer the door," Zevran answered quickly. "We found the boy and wanted to get him in here. Merlissia has him… don't block this I will be right back," he rushed as he turned back and ran through the tunnel, dropping the torch at the base of the stairs as he hurried up, closing the door.

**

_ What is taking so long Zevran? _ Merlissia thought as she pulled the boy to her side. She had created quite a pile of corpses or parts of corpses as she waited for Zevran to return. Glancing over, she looked for him. Desperate to get the boy from her arms.

"You okay boy?" Merlissia shouted as she swatted away an axe before she spun around, severing the corpses skull from its body. "Hang on, it won't be long now," she reassured the boy as she looked back to the side of the Chantry.

When she turned back, she had just enough time to slide her sword up, catching the corpse's sword by the guard. She felt herself flinch as she felt the tip of the corpse's blade pressing against her neck.

"Boy? I need to borrow your sword. I promise you I will give it back after everything is done, but I need that blade," Merlissia said as she fought to hold back the corpse's sword.

"You can feel my arm right, I need you to put it in my hand so that the blade faces away," she explained quietly. For a moment she waited, holding her breath as the boy hesitated. Finally she felt him shift in her arms, doing as she asked.

"Now, I'm going to drop you to the ground. Get behind me and crouch down as fast as you can okay?" Merlissia asked, nervously waiting as she felt the boy nod into her shoulder.  _ Don't worry child, I won't let anything happen to you _ she thought as she took a deep breath.

In one motion she dropped the boy as she twisted her sword shifting the corpse's blade from her neck, leaving a small cut behind. Quickly she swung her left arm up slicing off half of the corpse's head as she spun, slicing her own blade through the skeleton's spine.

Quickly she glanced behind her to see the boy was crouching behind her with his eyes clenched shut as tightly as he could. Softly she smiled as she saw him. Turning her attention back to the battle she saw one of the corpses had made its way up on them.

As if by instinct Merlissia spun around, falling to her knees she wrapped her arms around the boy shielding him from the corpse's attack. She knew to expect the sharp pain in her left shoulder. She already closed her eyes, waiting for the pain to shoot through her back.

"It seems our fearless leader has a soft spot after all," Zevran said when she realized that the pain wasn't coming.

Looking over her shoulder she saw Zevran standing between her and the corpse. "Nasty things, these are," he said as he twisted his blade popping the skull off of its shoulders.

"Maker, I could kiss you," Merlissia said as she stood up.

"Oh, maybe I'll have to do this more often then," he jested as he cut down another corpse.

"Please tell me you found a way in," Merlissia pleaded.

"Will it earn me another kiss if I have?" he laughed as he turned to her with a playful smile.

"No, but I won't take back the first one if you hurry it up," she said as she picked the boy back up.

"Of course I did, come this way," Zevran said as he led the way cutting down any corpse that came their way

In no time, they made it to the hidden door.

"Go on, Zevran will take you inside," Merlissia said to the boy as she set him down. "You have been so brave, do you hear me?" she insisted as she guided him to Zevran.

Quickly she turned to watch for any creatures as she rolled her shoulder. She could feel the strain in her back from holding the boy up.  _ Come on Zevran, I'm sure the others aren't happy with our absence for so long… Alistair probably assumes we fled to shack up in someone's bed _ she thought as she heard light steps echo from the tunnel.

"Finally, come on the others are probably wondering where we disappeared to," Merlissia insisted as she started to head to the windmill.

"Ah, but what about my kiss?" Zevran asked as he caught her wrist.

"Later, after we've bathed," Merlissia said quickly.

"But what if we perish before that happens?" Zevran pressed as he looked over her. His amber eyes pausing on the knick on her neck. Quietly he reached up, wiping away the small trail of blood that was making it's way down her neck.

"Well, seems like you'll have to make sure that doesn't happen then," she answered with a shrug. "Come on, the faster we're done the faster I get a bath," she suggested as she pulled away from him and jogged up the hillside.

_ Keep you alive? I think I can manage that _ Zevran thought as he ran after her. In no time, the pair saw their companions and the knights in the thick of battle when they arrived.

Easily, she slid her sword into the skull of a corpse that had snuck up on Alistair. He turned to find the corpse half a pace from him. Immediately he thrust his shield forward, shoving the corpse back revealing more of Merlissia's blade in the corpse's skull. Quickly she swung her arm tearing her blade out of the skull, leaving a wide gash in its wake.

"Merlissia?" Alistair questioned as he panted for breath.

"That's me. Sorry, it took so long we had to find another way into the Chantry for the boy," Merlissia explained as she turned to duel one of the dual handed corpses. "How are things up here?"

"It has been a steady flow of corpses… This is a demon's work… but how is there a demon in the castle?" Alistair questioned as he backed up against Merlissia.

"We'll be finding out at dawn," Merlissia said plainly as she caught the wrist of her corpse, blocking its sword with hers, she planted a quick kick to it's spine sending it reeling backwards. After a minute she realized that the monster's arm was still in her grasp. Quickly, she flung the appendage away with a quick groan. "How is everyone here? The villagers seem to be holding their own," Merlissia said calmly as she turned to Alistair in their brief break from the corpses.

"It's not bad here, the knights seem to be more than enough for them with the aid of the fire," Alistair said as his eyes settled on the cut on her neck before noticing how she lazily let her left arm sag.

"If you think the knights can handle it, let's move on to assist the villagers," Merlissia said as she headed over to Ser Perth to tell him their plan.

After a few nods, Merlissia turned and led her companions turned and headed down to the villagers. Exhausted, they all made their way down to the Chantry to see swarms of the undead approaching the villagers. It was obvious that the shear number was beginning to take its toll on the villagers.

"Come on, they need us," Merlissia shouted as she charged into the nearest corpse she found.

Bann Teagan watched from a nearby window as he heard the villager's cheers as the Wardens came from the hill with their swords raised high.  _ We really might survive this night _ Teagan thought as he watched Alistair and his comrades making quick work of any creature in their path.

He watched as Zevran disappeared into the shadows only to see the glimmer of his blades as he struck his next foe. Morrigan stood happily away from the crowd casting her spells upon the vial beasts. Sten sliced his sword through them as if they were paper.

It wasn't long before the villagers started cheering as the sun crept over the horizon. When there was no signs of any more corpses Merlissia quietly made her way off to the docks. Slowly she knelt down on the sand by the water's edge as she wiped the sweat from her forehead with her arm.

The cool water felt refreshing as she dipped a rag into the water before she pulled the boy's blade from her sheath. Quietly she sat, meticulously cleaning the boy's blade until no evidence of its use remained.

"Where were you?" Alistair demanded from behind her, interrupting her peaceful silence.

"Couldn't you have asked Zevran?" Merlissia mumbled as she inspected the boy's sword. Finally pleased with it, she pushed herself off the ground to see Alistair glaring at her. "Some girl in the Chantry asked Zevran to find her brother, and he did… but by the time we talked him into returning to the Chantry the corpses were here, it took some time to find another way to get him into the Chantry," Merlissia explained quickly as she headed back towards the Chantry.

"You-"

"I what? What does it matter? The night is over and not a soul perished, why is that not good enough? The longer we sit and argue about shit that doesn't matter, the less time we have to make it into the castle," Merlissia snapped as she walked off, set on returning the boy his sword.

She saw the villagers gathered around the Chantry steps listening to Bann Teagan speak to the crowd about his plans to enter the castle. However, the moment she came into view the villagers cheered and Teagan called her up to his side. With a quick sigh she made her way to him, eager to be done with everything that had to do with the walking dead.

She gave a polite bow as Teagan gifted her some armor from his family name and then quietly asked her to meet him by the windmill as soon as she could. She struggled to fight a yawn but she readily agreed, knowing from the start Teagan wanted to enter the castle she just had to make sure it was the safest way.

Quickly, she turned to see the boy standing next to his sister. "Your brother is probably the bravest boy I have come across," Merlissia said with a smile. "Here, as I promised, your grandfather's sword. I cleaned it and looked it over, it is a fine blade and will serve you well when you are strong enough to wield it," she said as she held out his blade to him.

Looking over her shoulder she could see Teagan was already half way up the hill. "Here, it's not much but it should be enough to get you two a wagon, do you have family you can go to?" Merlissia asked as she gave the girl some coin when she saw her nod.

"Be safe," Merlissia said as she hurried out the door heading after Bann Teagan and shouting for her companions and a quick whistle bringing Cain running to her side.

"Where are we going?" Leliana asked quickly as she ran up to Merlissia.

"The castle of course, you didn't suspect he'd plan something like that?" Merlissia questioned as they walked up to Teagan.

"So, how are we getting in?" Merlissia asked as she rolled her shoulder.

"What?" Bann Teagan questioned as Merlissia walked up to him.

"You planned to make sure we secured the village through the night, and then sneak into the castle today right? So how are we going in? Please tell me a secret path, I love secret paths," Merlissia rambled.  _ Maker I'm tired…. I want a bath _ she thought as she watched the surprise ease from Teagan's face.

"There's a secret passage here, in the mill, accessible only to my family. I thought…. Maker's breath…" Teagan explained as he pointed behind them.

With a quick turn Merlissia saw who she recognized as Isolde approaching them with a lone guard.  _ Maker I hate that woman…. _ Merlissia complained as she tried to hide her face behind her hair. Luckily the wind was aiding in concealing her identity.

"Teagan! Thank the Maker you yet live!" Isolde cried when she got close enough.

"Isolde! You're alive! How did you… ? What has happened!" Teagan demanded frantically.

"I do not have much time to explain! I slipped away from the castle as soon as I saw the battle was over, and I must return quickly. And I… need you to return with me, Teagan. Alone." Isolde explained.

_ Maker can't she just shut up… _ Merlissia thought as she listened to the two talk.

"I'm afraid we'll need more than your words. Why don't we all go to the castle?" Merlissia asked quietly.

"What? I… who is this woman, Teagan?" Isolde asked, not recognizing Merlissia for who she was.

"You remember me, Lady Isolde, don't you?" Alistair asked, pulling Isolde's attention off of Merlissia.

"Alistair? Of all the… why are you here?" Isolde practically spat.

_ Bitch _

"They are Grey Wardens, Isolde. I owe them my life," Teagan explained calmly.

"Pardon me, I… I would exchange pleasantries, but… considering the circumstances…" Isolde pleaded.

"Please, Lady Isolde… we had no idea anyone was even alive within the castle. We must have some answers!" Alistair pleaded.

"I know you need more of an explanation, but I… don't know what is safe to tell. Teagan, there is a terrible evil within the castle. The dead waken and hunt the living. The mage responsible was caught, but it still continues," she explained quickly. "And I think… Connor is going mad. We have survived but he won't flee the castle. He has seen so much death!" she cried.

"You must help him, Teagan! You are his uncle. You could reason with him. I do not know what else to do!" she added quickly.

"Why do I get the feeling you aren't telling us everything?" Merlissia said in the same quiet tone as before, watching as Isolde glared at her. Trying to make sense of who she was as she hated her.

"Well that is an impertinent thing to say!" Isolde argued.

"Not if it's true," Merlissia said as she looked off to the castle's shadow as she heard a quiet laugh echo behind her.

"What about Arl Eamon? Is he, thank the Maker," Isolde finally answered.

"Kept alive? Kept alive by what?" Teagan asked curiously.

"Something the mage unleashed. So far it allows Eamon, Connor and myself to live. The others… were not so fortunate. It's killed so many, and turned their bodies into walking nightmares! Once it was done with the castle, it struck the village!" She explained, panic creeping into her voice.

"It wants us to live, but I don't know why. It allowed me to come for you, Teagan, because I begged, because I said that Connor needed help," she pleaded.

"Could this be the work of a demon?" Merlissia questioned.

"I… I do not know.. oh, Maker's mercy. Could it truly be a demon? I can't let it hurt my Connor! You must come back with me, Teagan! Please!" she cried hysterically.

_ Something seems too off… she's just a little too much _ Merlissia thought as she shifted her gaze to Bann Teagan.

"What about the mage you mentioned?" Merlissia asked curiously.

"He is an… infiltrator, I think- one of the castle staff. We discovered he was poisoning my husband. That is why Eamon fell ill," she explained patiently.

"Eamon was poisoned!?!" Teagan exclaimed as he heard the words seep from Isolde's lips.

"He claims an agent of Teyrn Loghain's hired him. He may be lying, however, I cannot say," Isolde explained calmly.

_ You sure calmed down quick Isolde… _ Merlissia thought briefly. "You're still not telling us what we need to know… what are you hiding?" Merlissia asked as she watched Isolde flinch under her words.

"An evil I cannot fathom holds my son and husband hostage! I came her for help! What more do you want from me?" Isolde questioned, the panic returning to her voice.

"The truth," Merlissia muttered as she rolled her eyes.

"Teagan, I do not have much time! What if it thinks I am betraying it? It could kill Connor! Please come back with me… must I beg?" she pleaded.

"I know you could order your men to follow me when I return to the castle. I beg you not to, for Connor's sake!" she added quickly.

"The king is dead, and we need my brother now more than ever. I will return with you to the castle Isolde," Teagan said quickly, not giving Merlissia a chance to intervene.

"Oh, thank the Maker! Bless you, Teagan! Bless you!" Isolde praised.

"It seems there really isn't much of an alternative…" Merlissia muttered to herself, forgetting her concealed identity as she ran her fingers through her hair. She saw the enlightenment on Isolde's face as she finally got a good look at Merlissia.

"I have no illusions of dealing with this evil alone. You, on the other hand, have proven quite… formidable," Teagan explained calmly. "Isolde, can you excuse us for a moment? We must confer in private before I return to the castle with you," he requested.

"Please do not take too long! I will be by the bridge," she accepted as she hurried off.

"Here's what I propose: I go in with Isolde and you enter the castle using the secret passage. My signet ring unlocks the door. Perhaps I will… distract whatever evil is inside and increase your chances of getting in unnoticed. What do you say?" Teagan asked as he looked down to Merlissia.

"It will work, but don't put yourself at risk Bann Teagan, you said it yourself we are quite capable fighters," Merlissia said as she held out her hand to take his ring. "And do be careful, there is more to this that what she is telling us," Merlissia warned as she looked into his pale blue eyes. She had always been fond of Bann Teagan. He was a gentle man, honorable and wise.

"Ser Perth and his men can watch for danger at the castle entrance. If you can open the gates from within, they can move in and help you. I don't think there's anyone else who can help you. If you choose not to go, it will be up to me to do what I can," Teagan explained watching Merlissia's calm expression turn into a frown.

"Whatever you do, Eamon is the priority here. If you have to just get him out of there. Isolde, me and anyone else… we're expendable," Teagan explained calmly as he handed Merlissia his ring.

Carefully she wrapped her fingers around his as she looked up to him. "No. I don't believe that. Life is not expendable. I will rescue you all; I promise," Merlissia promised with a soft smile.

"You are brave as well as beautiful, it seems. The Maker smiled on me indeed, when He sent you to Redcliffe. If only this had been…" he sighed softly.

_ I'm not sure I would say the Maker sent me here… more like we stumbled upon it _ Merlissia thought as she listened to Teagan.

"But I can delay no longer. Allow me to bid you farewell… and good luck," Teagan hurried to finish.

"No, you owe me Ferelden's best bath when we're through, I can't collect it if you're not here," Merlissia jested as she looked up to Teagan.  _ Maker, if you do exist, keep him safe until I get there _ she prayed. 


	16. Blame

_ I can't believe I'm letting him go in there with her… I swear if she is hiding something… _ Merlissia thought as they headed down the dark tunnels to get to the castle. "You know she's not telling us something right?" Merlissia asked as they headed down the dark tunnels under the windmill.

"And you know her well enough to guess this?" Alistair questioned curiously.

"No, but I know a liar when I see one," Merlissia said quickly as they walked up to see a group of corpses trying to break into a cell. "You know, all my life I have heard of men trying to break out of a cell but into one?" Merlissia asked with a shrug.

"Ah, shall we see what is so interesting then?" Zevran asked as they entered the room. Unnoticed until Alistair clumsily bumped into the rock walls. The scratch of the metal and rock echoed in the damp dungeon, drawing the attention of everything in the room.

"I suppose we don't have much of a choice now," Merlissia offered as she unsheathed her blade from her back.

"I thought we were done with these things," Zevran complained as his dagger sank between the vertebrae of one of the corpses.

"I wish," Merlissia muttered as she swung her sword high, severing the head from her corpse. With a sigh she turned to the cell to see a man trembling in the back corner. He was dressed in robes from the Circle. She could only assume he was the mage Isolde spoke of, but she had to let him say his peace.

"Well, well… who do we have here?" Merlissia asked as she leaned up against the cell bars.

"You don't look like the arlessa's guards. Are you from outside the castle?" the mage asked quickly.

"Yes, there's a tunnel," Merlissia explained quickly. "Who are you?"

"My name is Jowan, I'm a mage lady Isolde hired to tutor her son, Connor. Until they threw me into the dungeon," he explained readily.

"See she was hiding something from us. I assume this was done in secret and arl Eamon wasn't aware," Merlissia snapped as she looked over Jowan to see him flinch under her glare.

"So you've spoken to her? Then you know what I did," Jowan accepted dully.

"Poisoning the arl," Zevran said from the side as he leaned up against the damp stone.

"I'm not proud of my deed. Poisoning Arl Eamon was what I was hired to do. Lady Isolde had no idea when she took me in to tutor her son, of course," he explained.

"Oh, you don't have to protect her…" Zevran said coolly as he looked over Merlissia's cold stare, thankful that it wasn't him in her sights.

"So you don't claim responsibility for the walking dead?" Merlissia asked as she sheathed her sword.

"I.. I know it looks suspicious, but I'm not responsible for the creatures and the killings in the castle. I was already imprisoned when all that began," Jowan pleaded nervously. "At first, Lady Isolde came here with her men demanding that I reverse what I had done. I thought she meant my poisoning of the arl," he continued. "That's the first I heard about the walking corpses. She thought I'd summoned a demon to torment her family and destroy Redcliffe."

"And you're saying you didn't naturally," Zevran said with a soft chuckle.

"She had me tortured. There was nothing I could say or do to appease her. So they.. left me to rot," Jowan finished.

"So, why did you poison arl Eamon?" Merlissia asked, already expecting his answer.

"I was instructed by Teyrn Loghain. I was told that Arl Eamon was a threat to Ferelden, that if I dealt with him Loghain would settle matters with the Circle," Jowan explained eagerly. "You see… I'm a maleficar: a blood mage," Jowan admitted.

"Of course you are," Merlissia said as she rolled her eyes.

"A blood mage! Well  _ that _ isn't good," Alistair muttered behind Merlissia.

"I was in hiding when I was caught, but instead of killing me, Loghain made me an offer. But he's abandoned me here, hasn't he? Everything's fallen apart, and I'm responsible! I have to make it right somehow, I have to!" Jowan shouted emphatically as he pleaded to the group.

"So let me get this straight. Isolde's son started to show signs so you were hired to train him so he wouldn't have to go to the Circle of Magi. … _ Hiring a blood mage to teach a boy _ …. Brilliant," Merlissia mumbled.

"So, would it be a stretch to believe that Connor could have summoned a demon on accident?" Merlissia asked as she turned back towards Jowan.

"I thought that, too. Connor has little knowledge of magic, but he may have done something to tear open the Veil," Jowan explained.

"Right, we're to take the word of a blood mage? He's just blaming the boy!" Alistair insisted as he pulled Merlissia's shoulder to force her to pay attention to him.

"Oh, how could I forget that you were an expert on all things demon," Merlissia spat bitterly. "Take your hand off me," she whispered as she shifted her eyes from his hand to his eyes. “I don’t find it to be that much of a stretch for a child to be desperate to help his father,” she added coldly. "Continue," she said to Jowan as she turned back to the mage missing the snicker from Zevran.

"… With the Veil to the Fade torn, spirits and demons could infiltrate the castle. Powerful ones could kill and create those walking corpses," Jowan offered.

"Why couldn't it just be something simple?" Merlissia muttered to herself. With a heavy sigh she looked back to Jowan's fearful eyes. "How much magic did you teach Connor?"

"Some. But he's still very young. He can barely cast a minor spell—never mind something more powerful. At least, not intentionally," the mage insisted.

"So… if he were put in a desperate situation he could have achieved this… say finding out his father had been poisoned?" Merlissia asked as she grew annoyed with the idea and angry with Isolde for causing all of this.

"Yes," Jowan answered. "I never meant for it to end like this. I swear. Let me help you fix this," Jowan insisted.

"You want me to believe that if I let you out of this cell you'd come and fight with us rather than piss yourself in the corner?" Merlisia questioned with a laugh. "You can barely look me in the eye."

"I say this boy could still be of use to us. But if not, then let him go. Why keep him prisoner here?" Morrigan insisted.

"Hey, hey! Let's not forget he's a blood mage! You can't just… set a blood mage free!" Alistair argued.

"Better to slay him? Better to punish him for his choices? Is this Alistair who speaks or the templar?" Morrigan asked cleverly.

"My thoughts as well," Merlissia said quietly. "Plus, you are practically a templar," Merlissia said turning around to face Alistair. "Shouldn't you be able to handle one frightened mage?" Merlissia questioned as she watched Alistair's face contorted with rage.

"I'd say it's common sense. We don't even know the whole story yet," Alistair insisted.

"Here's my take on things, the Arlessa came and told us part of the story… Arl Eamon was poisoned by a mage. Said mage tells us he was hired both by Loghain, as if we didn't expect that, and the Arlessa to tutor her mage son. The son summoned a demon in panic to save his father from death," Zevran offered quickly. "I say let him out between the two we should be able to figure out what is going on," Zevran finished with a shrug.

"Give me a chance… Please," he pleaded.

" So tell me, you want your chance and I'm willing to offer that… But how will you make things right?" Merlissia asked as she turned back to Jowan.

"I'd.. well, I'd try to save anyone still up there. There must be something I can do," he pleaded desperately.

For a minute she looked him over. His nervous fidgets had faded. She wanted to believe that he was true with his intentions. Quickly she turned away from the cell and headed for the next door. "Zevran, get him out," she ordered as she headed to the next room. "Don't make me regret this. I really don't care what you do, but be useful. This is your chance to attone for your sins," Merlissia said before she disappeared into the darkness.

"Quite the intimidating woman," Jowan muttered as Zevran picked the locks to his cell.

"Indeed, she's quite interesting to follow," Zevran admitted. "Aha! And you are free," Zevran said as he put his tools away and headed after Merlissia and the others. "I wouldn't cross her if I were you," Zevran warned as he faded into the darkness as well.

Room by room they fought the corpses, leaving their bodies in her wake. It seemed never ending, every room seemed full of them.

"Maker, what are you doing? You're wasting our time going through all these rooms," Morrigan complained as Merlissia made her way through every room she could find, clearing it of the creatures and aiding anyone she came across.

_ I have to find her _ Merlissia thought as she ignored Morrigan's complaint as she opened up the last room on the floor. A frightened girl had cowerd in the corner. "You, girl. Who are you?" Merlissia asked as she took a minute to catch her breath. She could feel her body's pleas for rest.

"Please, don't hurt me!" she cried.

"Calm down. I'm not going to hurt you," Merlissia assured her.

"I.. I'm sorry. I'm so frightened! These monsters are everywhere!" The girl shouted hysterically. "My name's Valena, the arlessa's maid. Is she… alright? What happened to everyone?" the girl asked.

"Valena? The smith's daughter?" Merlissia asked as she raised her brow.

"You know my father? I want to go back to the village! Is there a way out of here?" Valena asked nervously.

"There's a tunnel leading out of the dungeon," Merlissia offered calmly.

"But the monsters…" Valena hesitated.

"I've killed most of them. It's safe, but do not linger. Hurry out of here," Merlissia said with a quick smile before turning to leave.

"You…. You found her," Alistair muttered in disbelief as he followed behind Merlissia.

"That's what happens when you look," Merlissia answered as she made her way to the courtyard.

Once outside they were greeted by several corpses. "That one doesn't look especially friendly," Merlissia jested as she saw a larger opponent off in the distance.

"I suppose it's good for a change of pace," Leliana offered as she pulled out her bow and started shooting down corpses.

Morrigan and Zevran focused on the corpses leaving the larger opponent for Merlissia and Alistair to handle. Quietly they circled the creature before the fight began. Zevran watched as he half hearted slaughtered his targets. He watched the way Merlissia fought with one blade but had no shield. Instead, she left her hand open and useless. But her right arm, was deadly enough for the both of them. Every attack she made, if it landed with a normal person would have been an instant death, or a serious would to cripple a foe. But alas, she served as a distraction while Alistair positioned himself to become the victor. 

"Come on guys, there can't be much more," Merlissia said as she struggled to hide how tired she was. Slowly she made her way to the gates, raising them to allow Ser Perth's men entrance.  _ I have to keep going _ she thought tiredly.

"My men and I are eager to see our arl again," Ser Perth said cheerfully.

"I doubt we're out of trouble yet," Merlissia warned as she looked back towards the castle.

"Then, shall we enter the main hall together? It must be held if we are to regain control of the castle," he suggested, following after Merlissia as they climbed the grand stairs.

As soon as they walked into the main hall, they saw Bann Teagan acting as a fool to entertain Isolde and her boy.  _ What in the Maker's name is going on? _ Merlissia wondered as they walked further into the room.

"So these are our visitors? The ones you told me about, Mother?" the boy said plainly.

_ Bitch… You didn't have to blow our cover… this is all your fault. _

"Y-yes, Connor," Isolde stuttered.

"And this is the one who defeated my soldiers? The ones I sent to reclaim my village?" the boy asked, his voice much deeper than any young child's should be.

"Yes,"

"And now it's staring at me! What is it, Mother? I can't see it well enough," the boy demanded.

"This… this is a woman, Connor. Just as I am," she answered calmly.

"You lie! This woman is nothing at all like you! Why, just look at her! Half your age and pretty, too. I'm surprised you don't order her executed in a fit of jealousy!" the boy shouted.

"I see he is not blind," Zevran laughed quietly.

"Connor, I beg you, don't hurt anyone!" Isolde pleaded.

"M-Mother? What… what's happening? Where am I?" the boy asked in a soft tone.

_ Demons… that's never good _ Merlissia thought as she watched the scene in front of her.

"Oh, thank the Maker! Connor! Connor can you hear me?" Isolde pleaded as she knelt down to her knees.

"Get away from me, fool woman! You are beginning to bore me," he threatened.

"Maker's breath! What has happened here?" Ser Perth asked.

"Grey Warden… please don't hurt my son! He's not responsible for what he does!" Isolde pleaded.

_ You say nothing about not hurting you though _ Merlissia thought darkly before taming her attention. "What have you done to Bann Teagan?" Merlissia asked calmly.

"Here~ I am! Here am I! Ha-ha!" Teagan said loudly.

"I like him better this way. No more yelling, now he amuses me!" Conner shouted.

"Connor didn't mean to do this! It was that mage, the one who poisoned Eamon—he started all this! He summoned this demon! Connor was just trying to help his father!" Isolde shouted.

"That sounds like a conflicting statement to me," Zevran said skeptically. "It was the mage… Connor was just trying to help his father, humph," Zevran shrugged as he shook his head.

"By making a deal with a demon? Foolish child," Morrigan said plainly.

"It was a fair deal!" Connor insisted.

"Father is alive, just as I wanted. Now it's my tun to sit on the throne and send out armies to conquer the world! Nobody tells me what to do anymore!" the boy shouted eagerly.

"No-body tells him what to do! No-body!" Teagan chimmed in.

"Quiet, uncle. I warned you what would happen if you kept shouting, didn't I? Yes,I did," Connor threatened. "But let's keep things civil. This woman will have the audience she seeks. Tell us, woman… what have you come here for?"

"I came here to help, if I could," Merlissia offered plainly.

"To help me? To help Father? To help yourself Which?" Connor asked.

_ Clever demon. _

"To help you of course," Merlissia lied.

"I don't need help. I can do everything myself, isn't that right mother?" Connor asked eagerly.

"I… I don't think…" Isolde started shakily.

"Of course you don't. Ever since you sent the knights away, you do nothing but deprive me of my fun. Frankly, it's getting dull," he threatened.

_ This isn't sounding good. _

"I crave excitement! And action! This woman spoiled my sport by saving that stupid village, and now she will repay me!" he shouted.

"Thought so," Merlissia mumbled as she watched the boy flee from the room as Teagan and the remaining guards drew their swords.  _ Maker I don't want to fight you _ Merlissia thought as she drew her own sword. "Bann Teagan, please wake up!" Merlissia pleaded as she guarded his attacks.

Merlissia braced herself for his heavy attacks.  _ I see he was being modest when he spoke of his training _ Merlissia thought as she backed away from him. She hated being on the defensive. It wasn't her style to say the least.  _ Maker what am I going to do? I can't simply run you through Teagan _ she thought as Zevran appeared behind the Bann.

With a quick strike with the pommel of his dagger Teagan collapsed to the ground. "Seems to work for the other guards as well," Zevran pointed out as he motioned to the guards he had already knocked out who were getting back up, clueless as to what was going on.

"Nice going," Merlissia said with a quick smile.

"Ah, yes… I am a clever one… but do I get another kiss for my ingenuity?" he wondered out loud.

I wouldn't bet on it," Merlissia laughed as she looked over the Bann. "Did you have to hit him so hard?"

"Better one good hit than two sloppy ones, no?" Zevran offered with a shrug. "Here, this should help," he added as he knelt down and held a small vial in front of Teagan.

Within seconds Bann Teagan stirred. Grumbling as he rubbed the side of his head.

"Sorry about that," Zevran offered with an indifferent shrug.

"Teagan? Teagan? Are you alright?" Isolde asked as she helped him to his feet.

"I am… better now, I think. My mind is my own again," he reassured her. "Blessed Andraste, I would never have forgiven myself had you died," she sobbed. "After I brought you here, What a fool I am!" she cried as she turned to see Merlissia pacing back and forth trying to contain her temper.

"Please! Connor's not responsible for this! There must be some way we can save him!" she insisted as she watched Merlissia stray from her small path as she headed her way.

Easily, Merlissia pulled off her gauntlet, dropping it to the floor as she made her way to Isolde. With a quick swing, the back of her hand sent Isolde tumbling to the floor.

"Of course it's not Connor's fault!" Merlissia shouted as she looked down to the Orlesian woman as she cradled her cheek. "It's  _ your _ fault!" she added as she looked down at the cowering woman, curled up on the floor with her eyes held tightly close.

Squatting down, Merlissia grabbed the neck of Isolde's dress as she lifted the woman inches off the ground. "Look at me!" Merlissia ordered angerly. "This… ALL of this is YOUR fault!" Merlissia shouted bitterly as she tossed Isolde back to the floor.

"I can't believe you. Have you no mind? All this danger you put everyone in.. the Arl, the guards and servants, the village. You are supposed to be the example for these people. It may seem cruel but the Circle is where mages need to be," Merlissia argued as she looked over to Teagan before shaking her head.

"You knew this all along… I can't believe you would be so stupid," Merlissia muttered as she picked up her gauntlet.

"Connor is no longer a child. He is an abomination," a voice echoed from the door way.

"You! You did this to Connor!" Isolde screamed.

"In the end you did this to him woman," Zevran muttered just loud enough for Merlissia to hear. He realized this when she took a quick look to him over her shoulder as she turned to see Jowan walking into the room.

"I didn't! I didn't summon any demon, I told you! Please, if you'll let me help…" Jowan pleaded as he walked further into the room.

"Help?! You betrayed me! I brought you here to help my son and in return you poisoned my husband!" she shouted.

_ Maker this is getting us nowhere _ Merlissia complained in her head as she watched the mage walk up to the group.

"This is the mage you spoke of? Did you say he was in the dungeon?" Teagan asked plainly.

"He was. I assumed the creatures had killed him by now. He must have been set free," Isolde said darkly.

"Yeah, about that…" Merlissia said as she shifted her weight. "I let him out," she explained. "What can I say? I'm a sucker for second chances," she added when she saw Teagan's curious glance. "Besides, he's no more at fault for this as you are Isolde."

"How dare you!" Isolde said as she swung her arm towards Merlissia. Her hand stoping inches from her cheek.

"Uh-uhhhh, I think not," Zevran said as he tossed Isolde's hand back to her side.

"If this man hadn't poisoned my husband, none of this would have happened! He should be executed!" she shouted.

"Oh, and you are blameless for trying to hide Connor? Fool," Merlissia spat bitterly.

"I have to agree Isolde, your secrecy made his actions possible," Teagan offered watching as Isolde glared at Merlissia's smug smirk.

"I know what you must think of me, my lady. I took advantage of your fear. I am sorry. I… never knew it would come to this," Jowan explained.

"Well, I shan't turn away his help. Not yet. And if Connor is truly an abomination—" Teagan interrupted.

"He's not always the demon you saw, Connor is still inside him, and sometimes he breaks through. Please, I just want to protect him!" Isolde pleaded.

"Isn't that what got us in this mess? You hired the mage to teach Connor in secret… to protect him!" Teagan accused angrily.

"If they discovered Connor had magic, then they'd take him away! I thought if he learned just enough to hide it, then…"

"Then clever demons could talk their way into his mind," Morrigan remarked with her usual flare.

"Well, what options have we?" Merlissia asked as she looked over everyone's tired expression.

"I wouldn't normally suggest slaying a child, but… he's an abomination. I'm not sure there's any choice," Alistair offered quietly.

_ Slaying a child? There has to be another way… please no _ Merlissia thought as the room mulled over Alistair's words.

"We can't kill a young boy, demon or no demon. Please don't say we're considering that!" Leliana begged.

"So we're to allow him to remain as he is, slaughtering those around him for his amusement?" Merlissia asked quickly as she looked to Leliana.

"Connor is my nephew, but… he is also possessed by a demon. Death would be… merciful," Teagan explained as he looked to Isolde.

"There is… another option, though I… loathe offering it. A mage could confront the demon in the Fade, without hurting Connor himself," Jowan explained catching everyone's attention.

"What do you mean? Is the demon not within Connor?" Teagan asked.

"Not physically. The demon must have approached Connor in the Fade while he dreamt, and controls him from there. We can use the connection between them to find the demon," Jowan explained.

"You can enter the Fade, then? And kill the demon without hurting my boy?" Isolde asked eagerly.

"Ah, but what's the catch?" Zevran asked quickly as he eyed the mage.

"This… It normally requires lyrium and several mages, but I have… blood magic," Jowan explained nervously. "The lyrium would have provided the power for the ritual… but I can take that power from someone's life energy, but it would require a lot of it…. All of it," Jowan finished quietly.

"So… someone must die? Someone must be sacrificed?" Teagan asked nervously.

"Yes, then I could send another mage into the Fade. I can't enter because I'm doing the ritual. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. It's… not much or an option…" Jowan finished sadly.

"Is there no other method?" Merlissia asked as she began pacing again.

"Power must come from somewhere… either lyrium or blood," Jowan answered plainly.

"Then let it be my blood. I will be the sacrifice," Isolde offered quickly, drawing everyone's attention to her.

"What? Isolde, are you mad?! Eamon would never allow this!" Teagan said quickly condemning Isolde's idea.

_ Maker you are too cruel to me… I hate her so… but this, this is too easy for her _ Merlisia thought bitterly as she mulled over their options…  _ Isuppose we could try to hurry to the Circle for aid… but that takes time that we don't really have _ she argued with herself as she paced back and forth.

"Either someone kills my son to destroy that thing inside him or I give my life so my sone can live. To me, the answer is clear," Isolde said gravely.

"Humph, disgusting," Zevran muttered under his breath as he watched Isolde.

"Blood magic. How can more evil be of any help here? Two wrongs don't make a right," Alistair said, clearly uneasy about the topic.

"But two lefts do," Zevran jested with a soft chuckle.

"It does seem like a sensible choice, with a willing participant," Morrigan offered.

"It.. it's up to you, my friend. You know more about such thing than I do, and it's your companion going into the Fade. The decision is yours," Teagan admitted quietly.

"What about the Circle?" Merlissia asked tiredly as she started to rub her eyes.

"You can find lyrium and more mages there… if they would even do it," Alistair offered.

"Alright.. Morrigan, Sten remain here with Jowan and watch over Connor. We will go on to the Circle for help," Merlissia finally decided as she glanced to see Isolde's expression of surprise. "After we get a bath," Merlissia added. "It's unnatural to have the filth of a poor creature forced to die twice on you," she finished.

"We'll clean up and eat, then head for the Circle,," Merlissia finished tiredly.

"That is an excellent idea! Plus, one of the treaties is for the Circle of Magi," Alistair chirped eagerly.

"Oh, and Isolde… Don't look so surprised," Merlissia said as she turned back to the stunned woman. "I'm not doing this to save you… I won't let you play the martyr for your stupidity," Merlissia said bluntly as she stepped up to Isolde, leaning in close. "It will be much more enjoyable to know you'll be alive and well to watch them take your son away from you," Merlissia whispered slowly into Isolde's ear before she turned around to walk back to her group.

Isolde reached out, grabbing Merlissia's wrist. "How dare you—" she began to shout as Merlissia twisted freeing her arm as she pulled out her dagger and slid the blade into Isolde's mouth as she held it open to shout at her.

"I would suggest that you don't provoke me," Merlissia warned as she watched Isoldes eyes grow wide in fear.

"Now, I need a bath," Merlissia said nonchalantly as she started to walk off.


	17. Boats

I just want to relax Merlissia complained to herself as she felt her body urging her to sleep in the warm water of the tub she had climbed into. But no~ Isolde screwed everything up… she added as she felt herself slip under the water. I wish this was a dream… I wish I would wake up at home to find my brother laughing at me for sleeping in so late.. or Mother to be angry… or Father… she thought as she blew out a bubble under the water.

"I guess I don't have time for this," she mumbled to herself as she started to scrub herself down. Maker it seems like too long since I've been able to use proper soaps and oils… this is heaven she thought as she finally finished rinsing herself off.

Quickly she stepped out of the tub and started to get ready. She could already hear them complaining outside her bathing chamber.

Why did he have to go? You better not betray us, assassin…

She did her best to ignore them as she finished clasping her armor on and running the towel over her hair again, desperately trying to dry it as best as she could before heading to the Circle. "Don't they ever shut up?" Merlissia asked as she looked down to Cain. Lazily, she dropped her arm down scratching the fur on his shoulders. "I hope you're done growing, you're awfully big," she joked listening to him puff out a quick breath. "Just means more of you I have to feed," she laughed as she reached up and scratched his head.

Quietly she opened the door, holding her swords and dagger high in the air as she stretched. "Oh I smell like a woman again," she said to herself with a small smile, interrupting everyone who was arguing in the hall. "If you are all quite finished, we can take our fabulous cruise to the Circle," Merlissia said plainly. "You will have to stay here, Cain. Keep Sten company," she said as she ignored the hound's whine. " You don't even like boats," she explained and watched as he wagged his tail and ran off to find Sten.

"I have a boat for you, it will carry 7 of you over," Bann Teagan offered from the entrance to the hall.

"Good, send us 3 guards… they can row and let us rest," Merlissia said lazily as she tried to straighten her hair.

"Ah, come with me," Teagan said to Merlissia as he headed off towards what appeared to be Arl Eamon's study. "Here," he offered as he held out a ribbon from Eamon's desk. "I know it's not much but it will hold your hair back," he said softly as he brushed a stray strand from Merlissia's face.

"I thought you could use a drink," Teagan offered as he began to pour a glass of wine for the two of them. "Merlissia, I know this isn't easy for you… But thank you, for choosing the harder path to save Connor… For saving Redcliffe. For coming for me… We surely would have perished if it weren't for you," He added softly.

"I wouldn't leave you behind…" she started softly as she looked down the ribbon in her hand. She could tell it was silk, not meant for a warrior but it was beautiful.

"I had always hoped for a different time, for a chance…" Teagan started softly as he leaned up against the desk next to her. "But when your father announced your betrothal…" continued sadly.

"I don't think we'll have to worry about that now…" Merlissia laughed. "I doubt I'll be surviving this… It's ridiculous, Teagan… Two Grey Wardens to defend all of Ferelden… especially now that we're traitors," Merlissia admitted with a heavy shrug.

"So why do you continue?" Teagan asked as he tried to brush the stubborn hair from her face.

"I'm a Cousland… we always do our duty… and until Arl Howe has been brought to justice, and the Blight defeated I don't have a choice," she said softly. "Plus, after all this I don't suspect that betrothal will hold up any longer, I'm no prize to be won… Who knows what reasons Howe gave for his actions," she added as she looked down to hide from Teagan's gentle eyes.

"I wouldn't marry me…" she added sadly.

"I do suppose you're right… but that just means you are free to follow your heart now," he offered. "You are still the same woman you were before all this," Teagan said softly as he used his knuckle to raise Merlissia's chin so he could look into her eyes. "You have to choose to live," he whispered softly as he leaned in and softly kissed her cheek before he pushed himself away from the desk and left the room.

For a moment, she sat there propped up against Eamon's desk as Teagan's words echoed in her mind. You have to choose to live. With a quick sigh she looked over Eamon's desk to find a piece of paper. Easily she took the fresh quill and dipped it in the ink so she could write herself a quick note.

After a quick dash of powder to dry the ink, Merlissia folded it carefully and hid it in her pouch before walking out to meet the others. "Come on," she said as she walked passed the group.

"It's a days trip, let's try using it to rest… Not argue," Merlissia said as they walked up to the small boat that had 3 guards standing beside it. For a minute Merlissia stopped and spoke with the guards as she watched Leliana and Zevran find a spot across from one another. She couldn't concentrate when the arguing of her companions started up again.

"I will not sit next to someone like him," Alistair insisted adamantly.

"For the love of the Maker shut up!" Merlissia scowled as she turned away from the guard and walked over to the boat. Taking the hand of one of the guards she stepped inside. "Sit by Leliana!" Merlissia ordered coldly. "The common whore and the assassin will sit together," Merlissia added bitterly as she sat down next to Zevran.

"No offense," Merlissia mumbled as she watched Alistair settle in next to Leliana. "Now, I don't want to hear it. You don't have to like any of our companions. You don't have to like me, no one… Just play nice for the time being," Merlissia said as the guards pushed off.

For a time they all remained silent, afraid that whatever they say would upset Merlissia. After a while, she leaned over as she looked through her pouch to see what she had with her. Carefully she made herself read her note to herself once again. Her eyes traced the letters, hoping that one day she would believe the words she wrote.

Slowly she shifted, resting her head on her palm as she hunched over and closed her eyes listening to the sounds of the water around them. She could feel herself falling asleep as her body would sway, reminding her to wake up before she either fell onto Zevran's lap or off the boat.

Sitting up she looked into the fading light left in the sky. How much longer? she thought as she rubbed her fingers over her eyes.

"Come," she heard as she felt a heavy weight on her shoulder. "You are tired, rest a while," Zevran said as he pulled Merlissia into his side. "I'll keep you safe… You owe me anyway," he whispered as she shifted so that she could curl into him.

"When I wake up," she mumbled as she took a last glance to see Alistair struggling to stare at anything that wasn't them. "Mmm, you smell good," she mumbled softly as she took a deep breath and rested her hand on his chest as she leaned into his shoulder.

It seemed like as soon as she closed her eyes everything around her faded and memories began to flood her mind. She easily recognized her home as she looked over the rubble and bodies scattered across the floor. She watched as every step she took was in a layer of blood.

"Must be a bad dream," Leliana said softly as she looked to Zevran who tried to hold Merlissia close as her body would tense every so often.

"Of what?" Zevran asked curiously as he looked up to the cloister sister. "Do you know anything about who she is?" Zevran asked as he ran his fingers through Merlissia's hair, trying to calm her down.

"No… I met her in Lothering when she saved some mage from Loghain's men… She was looking for information I think," Leliana offered with a shrug.

The pair fell quiet as Merlissia continued to tense in her sleep. She walked through the large gates of her estate. The lands were ruined, trees dying… crops failing. Slowly she turned back to see her family's heads up on pikes.

"No" she mumbled quietly as she felt her body's jump being restricted. For a minute she struggled in Zevran's arms as she realized where she was.

"Shh, hey now… You're okay," Zevran said softly as he held her close to him, futilely rubbing his thumb across her shoulder guard. Trying to keep her from overturning the boat. Slowly, she brought a shaky hand up covering her eyes as she took a deep breath as she clung to Zevran's forearm with the other.

"Sorry," she muttered as she took a deep breath as she let Zevran ease her back into his side. "Where are we?" she asked lazily.

"We're about there. The guards say that only the Circle's boat can approach the tower so in a couple minutes we'll switch from this boat to another," Zevran answered gently.

Slowly she looked over to see the tower looming over then as she felt the small boat brush against the shore. Lazily she sat and watched as Zevran jumped out of the boat, holding it steady as Alistair made his way to do the same. She watched happily as Zevran offered Leliana his hand to help her from the boat.

That's nice Merlissia thought tiredly as she finally convinced herself to stand up and get moving. Her joints popping as she stood causing her to moan quietly. Carefully, she took Zevran's hand as she stepped out of the boat. Gracefully, she planted one foot on the shore followed by the other. But when she put weight down on her leg her knee gave, causing her to fall into Zevran's chest.

"Well that's one way to start this," Merlissia jested as Zevran's hands cradled her sides as he made sure she was steady. From the corner of her eye she saw Alistair and Leliana watching her as she rested on Zevran for a moment longer. Maker, I'm never going to hear the end of this she thought as she lightly pushed off of Zevran's chest just enough to give her space.

Slowly she held onto his shoulder as she pushed up on her toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. Letting her lips linger against his warm cheek for a little longer than she had to. His skin was soft against her lips, and for a moment she wondered if he tasted as good as he smelt. But she was quick to remind herself of their position. Although, in that moment, he didn't feel like an assassin who had once tried to end her life… she couldn't describe what it felt like, but she knew it wasn't that. Quietly she pulled away with a sly smile as she licked her lips. "We should make a game out of this…" Merlissia offered quietly as she watched him raise his brow, obviously intrigued by her offer.

"So anytime I save your hide, I get a kiss?" Zevran asked quietly, his eyes full of mischief.

"It must be a legitimate rescue, but sure… And if I save yours?" Merlissia questioned with a sly smile of her own.

"I kiss you," Zevran answered promptly. Confident in his tone as he bit his bottom lip.

"Hmm… that doesn't sound like much of a prize for me," Merlissia said with a shrug.

"Oh?" Zevran question as he leaned down beside her ear. "You think it wouldn't be different when it is me kissing you?" he whispered in a husky voice as he tilted his head as he kissed the sensitive skin just below her ear. He could see how she tried to resist the moan caught in her throat.

"Hmm, as you wish… A massage then? I did grow up in a whorehouse… you won't find one better," he offered.

"Ah, that is a prize I could go for," Merlissia laughed, "Although it is awfully generous..." she offered as she started to walk back to her group.

"That's because I will be doing all the rescuing," Zevran said confidently as they waited for Alistair to come back from talking to the templar on the pier.

"Did she just?" Alistair started, his cheeks red as roses.

"Kiss him? Yes… seems like she lost a bet or something… seems like a game to me," Leliana offered with a shrug.

"Umm… He says we can't cross… though he won't mention why," Alistair mumbled embarrassedly.

"Because something is obviously gravely wrong… so far I haven't found a place without something going awry," Merlissia grumbled as she turned to look at the Templar.

"Come on, we're going to cross," Merlissia ordered as she headed towards the templar.

"You! You're not looking to get across to the tower, are you? Because I have strict orders not to let anyone cross," the templar insisted.

"Yes, yes… But you have to let me cross, one of the perks of being a Grey Warden," Merlissia said plainly fully expecting him to deny her.

"Ha, then prove it!" the templar insisted eagerly.

"By doing what? I have treaties that obligate the Circle to help in the time of a blight…" Merlissia started only to be interrupted by the templar.

"I have documents too, you know. Says I'm the Queen of Antiva," the templar mocked.

"No, she's much prettier," Zevran offered lightly.

"There are no darkspawn around here to slay as proof… but there is you…" Merlissia said more firmly than she was before.

"On your way. Right now, go," he insisted.

"Isn't there anything we could do to change your mind?" Merlissia asked softly as she bit her bottom lip.

"Oh.. the choices… That redhead, there at the back.. She doesn't have to go into the tower does she?" He asked quickly. "Because it gets a little lonely out here sometimes… and you know, you could just leave her with me," he finished quickly.

"I don't think so," Merlissia said quietly as Zevran appeared behind the templar holding a dagger to his neck.

"Did you know, dear templar, there are poisons commonly used in Antiva where the smallest knick is needed to defeat your foe?" Zevran asked as he pressed his blade to the templar's neck.

"You said you wanted across? Shall we go now?" the templar asked nervously.

"I knew you were reasonable," Merlissia said with a nod. "Come on," Merlissia said as she headed to the small boat, following behind Zevran as he climbed in.

"So we'll go in, have a nice chat with the first enchanter about Connor and the treaties, easy right?" Merlissia joked as she looked over the edge of the small boat looking over her reflection.

"I've been thinking… We're this far north, after we are done with the mages why don't we head to Highever?" Alistair suggested. "Surely, the first enchanter will be able to handle the situation in Redcliffe. We can appeal to Teyrn Bryce Cousland to speak for us in the landsmeet!" he insisted as he looked over his companions for a reaction.

"Why do you presume it would be profitable to go there?" Merlissia asked quietly. Maker can I even stand to go back? she thought as she reached down running her fingers through the cold water, destroying her reflection.

"The Couslands are one of the most respected families in all of Ferelden. If we can get them to speak on our behalf, it should provide the influence we need. We're this close it doesn't make sense to not go," Alistair said determinedly.

"Fine," Merlissia conceded with a light sigh. Maker what am I going to do? she thought as they came up to the docks. "Let's just hope this goes as smoothly as it can," Merlissia said as she turned back to her companions with her expression as cold as it usually was. 


	18. The Tower

"Mages.. abominations and demons?" Alistair questioned as the heavy doors sealed behind them.

"Oh my," Zevran added lightly, quite pleased with his ability to annoy Alistair.

"Save the tower before the rite comes? Is that even possible?" Leliana asked nervously.

"The mages are probably already dead. Any abominations remaining in there must be dealt with, no matter what," Alistair insisted as they walked into the first room. A few bodies, mages and demons alike littered the floor.

"Greagoir is right you know," Alistair added quietly as they walked around the cots and bodies.

"Mages aren't defenseless Alistair… How can you believe that everyone would succumb to whatever is going on? I will not condemn the mages. If you feel it is necessary to slaughter everyone in order to ensure safety, you do it," Merlissia said bitterly. "I will have no part in that," she added adamantly.

"I agree with Merlissia… If there are mages that can be saved, we must save them," Leliana insisted. "It might not be the easiest option but we need the mages for Connor," she added as they walked through another empty room.

"Doesn't it seem odd, that this supposed outbreak is going on yet we hear nothing… See no demons or abominations?" Zevran asked curiously.

"You know… you're right… Where are the demons?" Alistair asked as they made their way through the tower.

"Ah, there's one!" Zevran said emphatically as they saw an elder mage casting a spell easily defeating the firery beast that had appeared before them. Merlissia turned her attention to the mage as the others watched as the demon sank into the floor.  _ I remember her… she was at Ostegar _ Merlissia thought as the mage turned around as soon as the demon was dealt with.

"It's you! No… come no further. Grey Warden or no, I will strike you down where you stand!" the elder mage threatened as Merlissia and her group walked into the small room with the few mages and children.

"Strike me down where I stand? For walking into a room?" Merlissia questioned as she tried to remember the mages name. "Wynne? What are you doing here?— I'm not here to fight you," Merlissia said calmly.

"You know her?" Alistair asked quickly.

"Yes, she was at the battle of Ostegar," Merlissia answered as she turned her attention back to the mage.

"I am a mage of the Circle. More importantly, why are you here? The templars would not let just anyone by," Wynne explained calmly.

"Naturally… I came here seeking the aid of the mages to defend against the blight… and this is the mess I found," Merlissia said bluntly as she looked over the other mages in the room.

"And you were told that the Circle was in no shape to help you, I suppose." Wynne added quickly.

"That sums it up pretty well I'd say. I need allies, whether mages or templars. So this mess needs to end," Merlissia started to explain.

"What?! You can't mean!" Wynne interrupted.

"As, I was saying," Merlissia continued. "If there are lives to be saved, I will save them. If there were none to be found I would clear out the abominations to free the templars up for my aid. Preferably rescuing mages, but either way something had to be done," Merlissia finished as she watched Wynne frown at Merlissia's glibness.

"So why did the templars let you in? Do they plan to attack the tower now?" Wynne questioned.

"I really didn't give them a choice in the matter… But I assume your concern is the Right of Annulment… It was sent for, but has not arrived. I was hoping to be in and out of here before such measures were needed," Merlissia answered as she shifted her weight from leg to leg.

"So they sent for it, then… I feared they might have. What else could they do?" she pondered aloud. "So Greagoir thinks the Circle is beyond hope. He probably assumes we are all dead," she continued on. "They abandoned us to our fate, but even trapped as we are, we have survived. If they invoke the Right, however, we will not be able to stand against them," she added.

"So, then the less talking we do here the more time I have to… fix this…. So you help me correct the Circle or not… either way I don't have time for pleasantries," Merlissia offered with a shrug. "Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm going on the idea that there was a revolt. A mage wanted to rule the Circle or escape it and change the fate of mages. Probably involves blood mages and cults and it didn't go as planned since you all are still here," Merlissia summed up briefly.

"That would be correct. A mage, Uldred, tried to take over the Circle," Wynne explained in her motherly way. "I don't know what became of Uldred, but I am certain all this is his doing. I will not lose the Circle to one man's pride and stupidity," she decided firmly.

"Sounds like you've made your decision then," Merlissia said in a bored tone.

"I erected a barrier over the door leading to the rest of the tower, so nothing from inside could attack the children. You will not be able to enter the tower as long as the barrier holds, but I will dispel it if you join with me to save the Circle," Wynne offered.

"Yes, yes… fine… Dispel the blasted thing already. Leliana, stay here and help protect the children," Merlissia said in the same bored tone, ignoring Leliana's complaints.

"Wynne… are you sure you're all right? You were so badly hurt earlier. Maybe I should come along," A woman added quickly before Wynne turned to the barrier.

"The others need your protection more. I will be alright. Stay here with them… keep them safe and calm," Wynne assured the woman.

"Have faith, we will not fail," Merlissia said quietly as she waited for the barrier to fall.

"Your confidence is refreshing, though you should make sure it does not blind you to your weaknesses," Wynne warned as she looked back over to Merlissia to see that her emerald eyes with their golden centers had grown cold.

"I know my weaknesses, and I will find none of them here," Merlissia spat as she motioned towards the barrier impatiently.

"Look after her will you?" the mage from before asked Merlissia as Wynne went to deal with the barrier.

"You sound a little worried, is there something I should know about?" Merlissia asked quietly as she looked over to Wynne.

"I don't know if she's up to this.. Especially not after.. I just worry," she mumbled.

"Not after? If there is something worrying you I need to know there are lives at stake in this," Merlissia pushed.

"I was on my way down to the library when I heard screaming, and a demon came around the corner. Its eyes were afire with evil… I was certain it was my death coming upon me. I think I screamed; I was so afraid. And then Wynne was there, in front of me, shielding me. It was light and fire, blood and chaos… When it was over, the demon was dead but Wynne wasn't moving either. I was so afraid she was… gone," the mage explained nervously.

"What happened then?" Merlissia questioned.

"As I moved to help her, she stirred and coughed… I don't know what I would have done if she had died… for me," the mage answered shyly.

"You would have died too, don't waste what chances you are given girl," Merlissia said quietly as she walked up to Wynne as soon as the barrier was down.

As they walked past the barrier, Alistair began to complain about her choices. "Why did you leave Leliana behind?" Alistair questioned as he gave Zevran a dirty glance.

"Because if I left Zevran, you'd ask how could I leave the assassin with the mages… If I left you, you'd bitch at me for it when I returned until your head turned blue," Merlissia explained. "And I couldn't have stayed behind because this has to be done," she added as she shook her head.

"Is this common amongst you all?" Wynne asked the tanned elf as she glanced over at him.

"Ah, yes… You see, Alistair there… he doesn't like me," Zevran began to explain as they made their way deeper into the tower.

"Because you tried to kill us!" Alistair insisted.

"You tried to kill them?" Wynne asked curiously as she took a second look over the elf.

"Indeed, I failed obviously. I am Zevran, a former Antivan Crow hired by Loghain to hunt down any remaining Grey Wardens," Zevran explained plainly with his usual pep. "Upon finding and battling the Warden, I lost… She decided to keep me around to assist in her battle against the Blight," he finished.

"So, why keep you around?" Wynne asked plainly.

"Who knows, she hasn't said… I suppose they needed some skilled help around," Zevran shrugged as they walked into the library to find abominations scattered about the room.

"How can you be skilled help when you lost?" Alistair shouted as he swung his heavy blade through an abomination before moving to the next.

"That's only if I intended on winning," Zevran mumbled to himself before jokingly accepting Alistair's view as he stabbed both his daggers deep into an abomination's back before slicing them across the next one's face.

Merlissia tried not to become too distracted by the monsters before her. Much like the darkspawn she had seen pictures of them in books, but she had never come across one in her time. They were monstrous. Mutilated flesh covering their girth.  _ Disgusting… _

Room by room they fought, clearing away all types of demons and abominations. Merlissia could see that they were all getting tired, but there was no time to rest. Here and there they found groups of mages fighting amongst themselves over Uldred's actions. The others didn't really approve of Merlissia's strategy of letting the mages fight it out amongst themselves and then clean up what was left, but they didn't have a choice. The relentless numbers of demons and abominations had drained their spirits as the climbed the tower. There were no more witty quips during battle or banter to entertain them as they made their way through the tower.

Even now Merlissia was leaning against the wall as they prepared to storm another room. She could feel her companion's eyes on her as she looked to the ceiling trying to keep her breath. Without a word she looked down to Alistair for a brief second before pushing off the corner. She took a step in the room when she saw a large fireball cast her way. Quickly she back stepped her hand pressing against someone's hip as she pushed them back.

She felt her hand slip in the grime coating the leather as she turned her face away as she felt a piece of rock graze her cheek. "Shit" she muttered as she pushed back forward into the burning rubble.

Quickly they were all in the large room fighting their own opponents. Distracted with her mage she didn't notice the spell coming her way. When she finally cut down the mage in front of her she turned trying to look over the scene when she felt a heavy weight pushing her off to the side. She felt as the weight glided through the air with her, how it twisted so that when they collided with the ground it absorbed the force. When they finally came to a stop, she held her blade down to what she assumed was an attacker's neck.

"Is that anyway to treat your rescuer?" Zevran asked as he lay underneath her. "I mean, if you prefer to be on top… I won't fight you for it," he added in a quiet husky tone that made Merlissia's cheeks blush.

Quickly she looked away to see Alistair was standing beside her, a shield blocking the spell. "This one doesn't count," she said quietly as she motioned towards Alistair as she felt something on her cheek as she was distracted. Quickly her eyes shifted to see Zevran wiping away the trail of blood that seeped from the small cut on her cheek. For a moment she paused as she thought of how his fingertips brushed on her skin before she pushed herself away from Zevran, trying to cool her body down from the flush she felt overwhelming her.

"I'm glad to see that there is dissent amongst the rebels," Merlissia muttered as they looked over the room.

"How can you search through all these…" Wynne asked as she furrowed her brow, disgusted with the way Merlissia scavenged through the room.

"What would you have me do? We're named traitors… funds don't come easy," Merlissia explained as she searched a templar's corpse. "It's not like I enjoy it," she answered as she looked over to see a worn book sitting on the table. She didn't know what it was about that book but for some reason she wanted it.. not that Wynne would ever allow her to take something of the Circle's.

With a quick look around she found Zevran poking around the room. Her eyes met his and she looked down to the book, then back to the elf with a sly smile before heading back into the hall. She didn't know how he did it; his movements were so graceful that you hardly noticed him.

"That was Irving's chamber… I suppose it was too much to hope that he would have been safe within," Wynne said interrupting Merlissia's thoughts of the various ways the elf could move.

"It figures really… nothing is ever simple," Merlissia shrugged as she saw Zevran joining up with the group as if he had been with them all along. A confidant smile plastered smugly on his face.

"But Warden, how does my heroics not count? What if we were to perish in this tower and you were never able to keep your side of the deal?" Zevran asked playfully.

"You did not rescue me, Alistair did… and unless you want him to join in our little game…" Merlissia thought ignoring the bewildered look as well as the overwhelming blush covering his cheeks.

"Your game?" Alistair chirped nervously.

"Ah… I never thought of that.. What say you my friend?" Zevran said as he looked over to Alistair.

"I don't understand, what is this game?" Alistair questioned curiously, trying to figure out what his companions were into.

"You see, when one of us saves the other… we get a prize of our choice… granted it is a reasonable one," Zevran started. "See, if I save her.. I get a kiss… She saves me, she receives a massage. It keeps things interesting," Zevran offered.

"So what would your prize be?" Zevran asked curiously. "A kiss, a lonely night resolved?"

"What?! So any time you save her she kisses you now? And you… No… I'll have no part in this!" Alistair stuttered as he hurried into the stairs to the next floor.

"What? What is wrong with the game? It keeps us alive does it not? Genuine or no," Zevran answered with a shrug.

"You offer mercy to these blood mages… Is that truly wise?" Wynne asked quietly, stopping Merlissia in her tracks.

"You say that like you think I am wrong? What would you prefer that I do?" Merlissia asked as she turned to the older mage.

"I… … They may rise up against us again is all I am saying," Wynne added quickly, unsure of what Merlissia's view was on the matter.

"Yes, and we'll deal with them then," Merlissia said as she tilted her head as she heard someone speaking nearby. “Until then they deserve the chance.”

"It's time to eat, my dear,"

"Yes, my love. What are we having tonight?"

"Roast boar, your favorite. And candied yams. The meal looks sumptuous,"

"What is that?" Merlissia whispered as she looked into a room to see a demon facing a templar. Her body was pale and flawless as the purple smoke seeped around her head like hair.

"A demon of desire… taking advantage of that templar," Wynne answered as they peered into the room.

"You spoil me, my sweet. How fare our children at their lessons?"

"You should ask them yourself,"

"Enough," Merlissia muttered as she barged into the room.

"Everything is just as you wanted, my knight. Our love and our family is more than you hoped for," the demon said as she walked before the man.

"What's going on here?" Merlissia shouted across the room.

"Do you hear something, love?" the templar asked in an aloof tone.

"It is nothing, my darling. Just the door. I will get it," the demon reassured him.

"You are intruding upon a loving, intimate moment and I dislike disruptions," the demon started as she turned around to face Merlissia.

"Ah-Is she dressed more to your liking Zevran?" Merlissia joked as she tilted her head to see how the elf's eyes danced over the demons exposed form.

"She does have quite the shapely frame… but her hair.. and those horns… so not my style," Zevran jested as he wrinkled up his nose to feign disgust.

"So you have a thing for hair?" Merlissia asked as she turned back to the demon.

"Maybe."

"You've put a spell on this templar haven't you?" Merlissia said cutting off her joke with Zevran to get the task at hand done.

"Happiness is bewitching. There is a certain power in all things mortals delight in," the demon explained as she rubbed her thin fingers over her slim waist. "I have given him what he always wanted. Where is the harm in that?" she continued as she turned back to the templar.

"This is just a mockery of our humanity… His happiness is false, nothing more than a cruel lie," Merlissia insisted as her eyes fell onto the templar.

"All emotion is intangible. You cannot see it, cannot grasp it…"

"But it is normally caused by something real—real events, real people. What you've done to him is.. is abhorrent," Wynne cut in.

"I saw his loneliness and longing for a family that loved him…" the demon started when it watched Merlissia turn her head to the ground as she shook it side to side.

"Enough of this," Merlissia said angrily as she pulled out her sword, feeling the weight of it in her hand.

"Help! There are bandits at the door! They are going to murder the children!" The demon lied.

"They will not get past me!" the man shouted as he drew his sword.

"Zevran, the templar. Alistair focus on the corpses," Merlissia instructed as she found herself focusing on the demon.

The demons they had faced previously were nothing like this one. Her attacks were thought out and powerful. Each one forced Merlissia to take a step or two back as she defended against the demon.

"You put an assassin up against a templar? Our fighting styles do vary you know," Merlissia heard as she felt her back press into someone else's.

"I had to see that you were able to hold your own right?" Merlissia jested as she recognized Zevran's voice as she pushed off his back.

"You dubt me?" Zevran asked as he gracefully slid his dagger across the templar's throat as he turned to see Merlissia still struggling with the demon.

Aggravated, Merlissia finally thrust her sword into the demon's abdomen. Cringing as the creature screamed as it doubled over, revealing a pair of twin daggers stabbing into it's back.

"Does this one count?" Zevran asked with a quick smile.

For a moment, Merlissia thought about it. Shifting her weight from one leg to the other. "I would hate to perish and not receive my payment," he laughed as he watched her slowly walk closer to him.

His body froze as she pressed her hand against his chest, allowing it to slide up a little as she brought her body inches from his. Quietly she looked up to him, her eyes pausing on his pouty lips as she nibbled on her own. Slowly she looked up to see his eyes, deepening with the lust of a man as she brought her lips close to his.

"Well?" she whispered as her breath danced on his lips. She watched as he looked over her expression, judging what he should do. Finally as he turned his head to receive her, she smiled, "Still doesn't count," she said plainly as she turned away laughing, leaving Zevran frozen in his place.

"So cruel, Warden," Zevran admitted as he finally regained his composure.  _ What a minx… Such games…. _

With a few quiet steps Zevran found himself across the halls with the others staring up into a larger demon. Quietly he found his place beside Merlissia as they looked upon the demon.

"Oh, look. Visitors. I'd entertain you but… too much effort involved," the demon said slowly.

"That's fine, then just stand there and die," Merlissia said lightly as she pulled her sword from her sheath as her eyes fell onto a mage lying on the floor. "What have you done to him?" Merlissia asked as she looked over the seemingly uninjured mage.

"He's just resting. Poor lad, he was very, very weary. You want to join us, don't you?" He asked calmly as it squared its shoulders to Merlissia. "Wouldn't you like to just lay down and… forget about all this? Leave it all behind?"

_ Maker I would…. But I can't… damn demon _ Merlissia thought as she felt her body beginning to betray her.

"Can't… keep eyes open. Someone… pinch.. me," Alistair muttered as he fell to his knees.

"Resist. You must resist, else we are all lost…" Wynne warned.

"Oh… this can't be good… if I catch you when you fall… does that count?" Zevran asked as he forced himself to remain on his feet.

"Why do you fight? You deserve more… You deserve a rest. The world will go on without you," the demon reassured her as his powers emitted from his body.


	19. Nightmares

The next time she opened her eyes she found herself squinting up into the bright sky. With a deep breath, she breathed in the moist air from the ocean with a smile.

"Sing for me, my sweet," a voice said beside her. The tones echoing from his throat were deep and husky. She could feel a small sense of eagerness within her as she heard the familiar voice.

Slowly she turned to him only to see his frame. A pair of fitted leather pants with daggers hidden around his thigh. A loose shirt that hid his physique just enough to invite her imagination to play. She watched as the breeze caught his dark locks that dangled down to his shoulders. For a moment, she wished he would turn to her so that she could see his dark eyes that she knew them to be. His shy smile, but he remained as he was. Resting on his side as he looked out to sea.

With a quick smile she complied. Taking a deep breath, she let the words dance from her lips filling the air around her with her song. The words telling the tale of a fallen hero were so familiar, but it felt like so long ago.

As her mind began to process what was happening, she pushed herself to her feet turning away from her friend. Watching as her father and mother walked up on the hilltop to meet with them.

"There you are, pup!" her father said as he finally reached the top of the hill and pulled her into a warm embrace.

_ This… this can't be… no… _

"You know you two shouldn't be here unsupervised. Whatever will people think of your betrothal?" he insisted as he looked over to the figure who was now standing. The wind blowing his dark hair across his face concealing his identity.

"This isn't right…" Merlissia said as she slowly pulled herself from her father's embrace to look over to her mother to see her green eyes begin to question her.

"What could you possibly mean, honey? You are but a month away from your marriage… Everything is as it should be," her mom said quietly.

"No…. Demon…" she whispered quietly as she pressed her eyes shut tightly. "You messed up, demon…" she said as she looked back at her mother with a sad smile. "Her eyes were blue…" she whispered as she pulled out her sword and swung it across her mother's throat.  _ Please be right _ she thought to herself as she felt the blade cut through the air.

She opened her eyes to see that her mother had fanished and her father had drawn a blade on her.  _ This is just a trick _ she thought as she felt her heart skip a beat at the thought of fighting her parents. With a quick growl she sent her sword into motion. The heavy strikes of the steel sent shivers down her arms as they fought.

She fought back tears as she felt her blade slide into his stomach. "This isn't real," Merlissia said to herself as she closed her eyes, trying to convince herself that this was all a dream.

"Why can't you just accept things as they are? Are these not happier times?" her father asked in a dark voice.

Suddenly everything was clear. Everything around her, it was all out of focus as if it didn't quite fit together. Slowly she backed away, eyeing her surroundings carefully.

"Foolish child. I have given you so much and you cast it back in my face. Can you not be content with the peace I offer?" her father asked.

"You offer complacency, not peace," Merlissia said bitterly as she grew angry at the demon for trying to use her memories against her. “This life is over. This happiness is pain!” Merlissia shouted angrily.

"It seems only darkness and death will satisfy you. So be it! Have your war and your fate! May they be your doom!" he shouted as he began fighting again.

She felt her insides twist into knots as her blades cut through those around her. Leaving her standing alone in the now clouded sky before she noticed the pedestal at the base of the hill. She took a moment to look over the land as she remembered it to be. Her eyes began to burn as the tears coating them threatened to escape. With a deep breath she shook her head as she headed down the hill to see what else awaited her.

For a while she looked at the small stones in front of her. Watching as small droplets fell, splashing on its surface. Slowly she lifted her hand, wiping her eyes and pressed on the glowing stone. Immediately she turned around as her surroundings faded away as a new world appeared around her.

The moment she appeared a man cried out to her. For a moment, she stared at him looking over his face until she realized that he was the man they had seen as they entered the room.

"Who are you? Are you a demon?" he questioned quickly. "No.. I see that you're not. You're like me. Congratulations on getting out of that trap," he added quickly as he looked her over.

"Thank you… My companions? Are they trapped too?" Merlissia asked as she shifted her weight to her hip to try and hide her unease.

"You came here with others? Then yes, they would be trapped as well," the mage offered grimly. "The demon traps everything that comes here in a dream it thinks they can't— or won't— try to leave," he explained calmly. "I thought I'd escaped, too, but I've been wandering these empty grey spaces for a lifetime," he finished sadly.

"Who are you?" Merlissia asked softly as she glanced over their area.

"My name is Niall. I was trying to save the Circle when I encountered the sloth demon. I expect our experiences were similar from that point," he deduced easily.

"You're the mage the tranquil mentioned," Merlissia muttered as she remembered her conversation with Owain.

"Yes, he gave me the Litany.. It was our weapon against the blood mages' domination. But it's too late. Everyone's dead…" he explained darkly. "This place drains you of everything, hope… feeling… life…" he added.

"We'll find a way out," Merlissia said with a shrug.

"No, there is no way out of here. You think there might be, but you'd be wrong," Niall insisted.

"Well, I can't just sit here and do nothing," Merlissia argued before Niall began to explain what he had managed to figure out. "So… it's like a giant puzzle… Fantastic," Merlissia muttered as she began to explore the realm.

It felt like forever since they had been caught by the sloth demon. Realm by realm Merlissia fought her way, seeking to find some way around the the barriers that blocked her way. Even she was surprised that her body hadn't felt given in as she fought her way through demons and monsters so that she could defeat the demons protecting the sloth demon.

One by one she worked her way through earning different powers until all of the stones were glowing.  _ Where to now? _ she thought as she looked at the pedestal. Finally she picked one of the outer stones, and waited patiently as the realm changed around her.

When the realm finally settled down she saw Wynne standing amongst the mages who had fallen.  _ Finally! _ Merlissia thought as she saw Wynne, instantly she felt a tinge of relief by finding someone she knew.

"Maker forgive me. I failed them all. They died and I did not stop it," Wynne said remorsefully.

"But they're not dead yet. The Circle can still be saved, Wynne," Merlissia reassured the woman as she looked over the mages lying on the ground.

"What about all this? How can you say that when you are faced with this?" Wynne questioned sadly. "Death. Can you not see it? It's all around us," she added quickly.

"Wynne, you're in the Fade. This is a dream," Merlissia insisted sternly.

"Why was I spared, if not to help them? What use is my life now that I have failed in the task that was given me?" Wynne said softly as she looked over the dead. "Leave me to my grief. I shall ury their bones, scatter their ashes to the four winds, and mourn their passing till I too am dead," she added.

"You have to fight this feeling Wynne… This is a trap," Merlissia said sternly.

"Your blatant disregard for the souls of the dead strikes me as being utterly inappropriate," Wynne continued on, sulking in her grief.

"Once again… this is a trick… I thought mages were suited to know the Fade when they saw it," Merlissia mumbled.

"I do not know what you are trying to tell me. Why must you make this more painful?" Wynne asked. "And where were you when this happened? I trusted you as an ally and you were nowhere to be found!" Wynne argued.

"Stuck in my own trap… I am the only thing that is real… Ignore everything else. Don't you remember what we were doing… how did you get here?" Merlissia insisted one last time, growing more and more tired of the Fade.

"We were entering into the tower… and then I remember that there was all this death about me… There was no sign of you, none at all. It was just me and… all this. I… I don't remember anything of them dying. I just know they are dead," Wynne explained as she thought it over. "Why, why wouldn't I remember them dying?" she wondered out loud.

"Because, it's a trap," Merlissia said.

"Something in your speech rings true, but I feels as though my mind is… clouded over," Wynne added.

"Because of the demon… come some time away from here will make you feel better," Merlissia insisted, hoping to get out of there with an ally as soon as she could.

"No, stay with us Wynne. We don't want to be alone," one of the mages said as he rose from the ground.

"See.. I told you… we have to fight them to escape," Merlissia instructed quickly as she plunged her blade deep into one of the mages. A few smartly placed attacks and the battle was done.

"Is it over? Thank the Maker for you," Wynne explained as magic seemed to form around her. "Wait, what's happening? Where are you going?" Wynne asked quickly as she faded away.

"I wish I knew where you were going," Merlissia mumbled as she stood there alone for a moment before heading back to the pedestal.

_ Maker I hope that the others aren't as deceived as she was _ she thought as she selected another glowing stone.

"Hey, it's great to see you again. I was just thinking about you… isn't that a marvelous coincidence?" Alistair said cheerfully.

_ Great… he's a goner… _

"Just thinking of what a whore I am?" Merlissia questioned as she looked over towards the woman standing beside Alistair.

"This is my sister, Goldanna," he introduced quickly as he looked over to the woman. "These are her children, and there's more about somewhere. We're one big happy family, at long last!" he added jovially.

_ Oh Maker… Alistair… I wish I didn't have to take you from this _ Merlissia thought regretfully as she saw how happy he looked. He was almost handsome this way. "They're demons, you know," Merlissia said softly, hoping not to crush his happiness too bad.

"Oh, that's what everyone says about their relatives, but I've never been happier," Alistair insisted.

_ I'm sure you're right about that.. and I'm not making it any better for you… _ Merlissia thought sadly as she began to feel bad for Alistair.

"I'm overjoyed to have my little brother back. I'll never let him out of my sight again!" Goldanna insisted, emphasizing on key words of her phrase.

"Hmmm… Might I borrow him for a while… we have business elsewhere," Merlissia inquired calmly.

"I… don't think I'll be coming. I don't want to spend my life fighting, only to end up dead in a pit along with rotting darkspawn corpses," Alistair admitted.

_ I don't either _ Merlissia thought as she listened to Alistair as the demon asked if she would stay for supper.

"Say you'll stay. Goldanna's a great cook. Maybe she'll make her mince pie. You can, can't you?" Alistair pleaded.

"Of course, dear brother. Anything for you," she insisted as she glanced over to Merlissia.

"I can't stay and you shouldn't either, Alistair. She's a demon, can't you see that?" Merlissia said firmly.

"How can you say that about Goldanna? She's… she's the soul of goodness!" he insisted.

"And I'm Andraste…" Merlissia spat after listening to his idiocy.

"You're acting really strangely," he added as he tuned back to her.

"Think about this Alistair, how you got here… Think carefully," Merlissia insisted. Annoyed, Merlissia gave up on Alistair and turned to the demon. "I'm tired of your games demon…" Merlissia said angrily.

"He's ours. Nothing you say will convince him otherwise. He sees only what we want him to see," the demon said in a deep voice.

"And I see your head being severed by my blade," Merlissia said as she pulled out her sword and fulfilling her word and severing the demon's head from it's body.

Quickly she turned to see the children had transformed into corpses as Alistair just stood there, entranced by their lies. With the crushing of various bones, she finally was able to defeat the children. Quietly she turned back to Alistair as she sheathed her sword.

"G-Goldanna? I can't believe it. How did I not see this earlier?" Alistair asked as he looked over the demon.

"We're in the Fade Alistair, the demon probably did something to prevent you from seeing the truth," Merlissia said softly as she looked over to him. She already felt bad about seeing his discontent, but now to witness him realize his mistake hurt her even more.

"Yes… uh, well. Try not to tell everyne how easily fooled I was," he insisted nervously.

"My lips are sealed," she said softly as she saw the same magic that formed around Wynne begin to form around Alistair.

"Are we going now? Wait, where are you going? What's happening to me? Hey!" Alistair insisted as he faded away.

"Hopefully at least you are returning to normal," Merlissia mumbled as she made her way back to the pedestal… "I better be getting a great massage for this," she mumbled to herself as she pressed the last outer stone.

This time, when she appeared she saw Zevran lying on a large table with elves standing on either side.

"I think I saw him flinch that time," one of the elves said.

"Maybe. We'll make you scream yet, apprentice," the elf added with a laugh.

"We're not going to go easy on you, trust me," the other elf said as he turned the crank, tightening the ropes bound to Zevran's wrists and ankles.

"No," Zevran groaned. "I wouldn't… want you to hold back. I'd be disappointed if you… did," he struggled as the ropes pulled his body in opposite directions.

"This one has spirit. It's a shame we have to break him," the first elf said as Merlissia heard the ropes creak as they were stretched.

"Zevran! Are you all right?" Merlissia said quickly. Her eyes frantically looking over the tanned elf.

"What… what are you doing here? You're not supposed to be.. here…" Zevran said as he struggled to look over to Merlissia.

"I'm your better dream.. Now come with me," Merlissia said as she looked at the two demons beside him.

"I can't… I need to stay strong. This is my test. I am going to become a Crow… I need to show them I can tolerate… pain" he grunted as the continued to test his body.

"But you are already a Crow Zevran!" she pleaded as she watched the two elves motioning for each other.

"What? That cannot be and yet… you speak the truth? I can feel it. Is this nothing but a bad dream? A bad memory?" Zevran questioned.

_ So these are the types of memories you have? _ Merlissia thought sadly as the demons began to threaten him. "I will not allow you to hurt him!" Merlissia shouted as she pulled out her blade while the demons drew theirs.

Merlissia was thankful for whatever it was in this place that kept her body from feeling as tired as it should, but she did wonder how that affected her real form. Quickly she swung, dancing around one assassin and the other until she had defeated them.

With a deep breath she turned to see Zevran looking over his torture table. Turning to her with a smile, she could see something behind it. Something she was sure she wasn't supposed to.

"You owe me a massage," Merlissia said with a laugh as she looked into Zevran's eyes to see them soften a little as she chose to ignore what she had witnessed in his dream.

"That I do…. That was bracing! There's nothing like a good racking, is there?" he joked hesitantly as he avoided her eyes. "Hmm? What are you doing? Where are you going?" he asked quickly as he felt the magic stirring around him. "Mer—" he started when his body faded away.

_ Maker I hope they're safe _ She thought as she walked back to the pedestal to go to the last island.  _ Fucking finally, I want to kill that son of a bitch for wasting so much of my time _ she thought bitterly as she pressed the center of the pedestal.  _ This has to be it _ she complained as she looked around her to find a large demon standing in the middle of the plane.

Slowly she pushed herself to walk towards the demon, eyeing the creature as it watched her approach.

"What do we have here? A rebellious minion? An escaped slave?" it laughed. "My, my… but you do have some gall. But playtime is over. You all have to go back now," it insisted calmly as if this whole time he had been toying with her.

"Oh, here I am… and there you are… you just disappeared… well no matter," Alistair said as he appeared behind her.

"How did I get here? What happened to all those luscious wood nymphs?" Zevran jested as he looked over to see Merlissia looking at the three of them over her shoulder.

"You will not hold us! We found each other in this place and you cannot stand against us," Wynne threatened bravely.

"If you go back quietly, I'll do better this time. I'll make you much happier," it promised.

"You will not keep me here demon," Merlissia said plainly as she turned back to the creature before her.

"I made you happy and safe. I gave you peace, what you truly desired. I did my best for you and you say you want to leave?" it questioned slowly. "Can't you think about someone other than yourself? I'm hurt, so very, very hurt," it complained.

"You know nothing about me," Merlissia laughed. "A demon with a sense of humor… Priceless," Merlissia joked. "Sorry, but I'm done with all this," she said motioning in the space around her. "It's time to be rid of you," she said sternly.

"You wish to battle me? So be it.. you will learn to bow to your better, mortal!"


	20. Allies

She could feel the hesitation in her body as she opened her eyes. For a minute she felt like she was still dreaming until the bloody mess of the tower came into focus. Quickly she turned, looking around to see her companions stirring around her.

Looking down she saw a tanned arm around her waist.  _ I suppose he did catch me after all _ Merlissia thought as she felt Zevran's muscles beginning to work underneath her. Slowly she brought an arm up, rubbing it against her face before pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Let's…" Merlissia started as she slowly pushed herself off of Zevran.

"Not do that again," Zevran insisted as he pulled himself from the cold stone floor.

"My thoughts exactly," Alistair announced as he helped Wynne to her feet.

"Well now that we're finishing each other's sentences can we finish this… I don't know how long we've been here but we didn't have a lot of time to start with," Merlissia insisted as she looked down at the demon collapsed to the ground, stabbing her sword into the back of its head for good measure before turning to the Niall's body.

Silently she searched through the mage's things to find the Litany to use against Uldred. "I'm sorry… I wasn't able to save you," she whispered before she stood up, plucking her sword from the demon's skull. "Everyone okay?" she asked over her shoulder watching as they all nodded, not willing to go any further into what had happened between them.

They were silent as they searched room-by-room killing any stray demons or abominations that were scattered about until they found a templar sealed in a magical barrier. Quietly she looked around, inspecting the barrier curiously as she ignored the templar's ramblings until she decided that she would get neither here nor there by looking at the cell.

"Have you seen anything like this Wynne?" Merlissia asked as she looked to the kneeling templar.  _ Yes… go on a pray to the Maker… as if that will do you any good _ she thought bitterly as she shook her head trying to focus on what was going on.

"No… Rest easy, help is here," she assured the templar in her motherly tone.

"Enough visions. If anything in you is human… kill me now and stop this game," the templar pleaded desperately. "You broke the others, but I will stay strong, for my sake… for theirs…" he went on.

"Calm down.. you're going to be okay," Merlissia said, trying to be as soothing as she could be.

"Silence… I'll not listen to anything you say. Now be gone!" he shouted as Merlissia shook her head. She couldn't blame him after being sealed and tormented like this but her patience for the tower was wearing thin. "No… you're still here? But that's always worked before," he insisted as he looked around.

"That's because I'm really here, it's going to be okay," Merlissia said again with a soft smile at the corner of her lips.

"Did Greagoir send you? How… how did you get here?" the templar asked nervously, but clearly more settled down than he had previously been.

"I'm a Grey Warden… I came to save the tower if it could be done," she explained plainly as she watched the disbelief in his eyes.

"Good…. Kill Uldred. Kill them all for what they've done," he said quickly, his anger still too near the surface. "They caged us like animals… looked for ways to break us. I'm the only one left… They turned some into… monsters.. And there was nothing I could do," he explained grimly.

The look in the templar's eyes was almost haunting. She could sympathize with the templar for his situation, not like she would ever admit it. "I'm sorry…" she whispered as the glare in her eyes softened. "Where are Irving and the other mages? Surely some must live," Merlissia asked carefully.

"Irving and the other mages who fought Uldred. Where are they?" Wynne asked softly as she saw the confusion in the templar's expression.

"They are in the Harrowing Chamber. The sounds coming out of there… oh, Maker… You can't save them… you don't know what they've become," he shouted nervously.

"I can't just kill them all," Merlissia said as she averted her eyes at the thought of killing innocent mages.

"They've been surrounded b-by blood mages whose wicked fingers snake into your mind and corrupt your thoughts," he mumbled, shaking his head.

"His hatred of mages is so intense…. The memory of his friends' deaths is still fresh in his mind," Alistair commented softly beside Merlissia.

"He's suffered pain and anguish like few have had to endure. That and his lust for revenge have confused the issue—" Wynne insisted.

"Do not presume to judge me, mage! I am thinking clearly—for perhaps the first time in my life," he insisted angrily.

"So, every mage should be condemned? Have you never witnessed anything to think that they all aren't so bad?" Merlissia asked curiously. Watching as the templar took a step back as he thought.

"Once… an apostate… It was one of my first missions… We were searching for a family of mages… we stumbled upon them just out of South Reach… the templars I was with… were terrible… They found one of them… a girl…" he paused as he remembered her. "Unlike any mage I had ever seen… They tortured her and still she didn't give in and fight back… it wasn't until they killed her lover that she attacked. She left me alive with a warning to not follow her… that I was the worst of them all." He said softly as he balled his hands into fists. "I just stood there and watched as they did as they pleased… I did nothing to protect her… I ran into her later after a squad of templars had invaded her home… slaughtered her father before her," he said as he looked off to the side.

"She was dangerous… a mage who didn't have to sing their chants or move their hands for spells to attack you… It's like all she had to do was think about it and it would happen... but she let me live again," He finished as he looked to his feet.

"And you don't think there would be others as strong as her? Ones who could resist Uldred? I want to save everyone who can be saved, templar," she said as he peeked back up into her emerald eyes.

"I will not kill an innocent… I have enough blood on my hands, templar," she said as she started to turn away. “Besides, you have resisted this long,” she added quietly.

"You have to kill them, you cannot just ignore this!" he shouted adamantly.

"There is nothing you can do about it," Merlissia said as she took a step closer to the barrier, eyeing the templar as he pleaded for her to hear his reason. "Everything will work out… if not we won't be coming out of this tower alive," Merlissia said as she headed up the stairs listening to the screams echoing from the room above them.

Quietly they walked in to see a mage casting spells on another. There were abominations around the room aiding his magic. They watched in horror as the mage stood up as another one of his abominations.

"Ah… look what we have here. An intruder. I bid you welcome. Care to join in our… revels?" the mage asked darkly.

"I'm afraid your  _ revels _ aren't really my thing… But I assume you're Uldred," Merlissia said flatly.

"Oh! Very observant," he mocked. "I'm quite impressed you're still alive. Unfortunately, that must mean you killed my servants," he deduced aloud.

"Yes, she is rather challenging to kill," Zevran joked quickly, feeling uneasy with how quite his companions had been since they woke from the Fade.

"Well, they are probably better off dying in the service of their betters than living with the terrible responsibility of independence…" he finished ignoring Zevran's quip.

"What are you up to?" Merlissia asked, annoyed with the delay in the mage's death but she knew it was better to have as much of an understanding as she could. She listened as the mage spoke his nonsense.

"Oh Uldred… I already have my demons… I have no interest in what you offer… I'm done with this," Merlissia said as she drew her blood stained sword with a smile. "Goodbye, Uldred," she said as the rest of her companions followed suit.

The battle proved to be more challenging than Merlissia had hoped. At first they began attacking the abominations, hoping that as smaller prey they would be easier to deal with. However, Uldred had remained a constant problem. Always attacking them as they focused on the lesser abominations or the mages.

Wynne had remained off to the side, to use the Litany when needed and to act as a healer for those who needed it, while the rest were trying to balance between defeating abominations and the larger demon.

Once the abominations had been dealt with, however, defeating Uldred was an easy task. Zevran positioned himself as the role of a distraction. Constantly trying to keep Uldred's attention focused on himself so that Alistair and Merlissia were free to attack the monster.

Merlissia took a deep breath of relief as she heard the monster howling in pain as Alistair ripped his sword through its spine. Distracted, she turned looking over the room to see Wynne already heading over to Irving. Zevran was wiping his blades off as he watched the demon begin to fall.

Immediately she was brought back to reality as she felt herself colliding with the floor with a heavy weight on top of her. Looking up she watched as the demon collapsed where she was standing. Quickly she shifted her eyes to see Alistair lying between her legs, his hand pressed firmly against her breastplate.

"If it weren't for all this armor I would say this would be quite awkward," Merlissia said lightly as she watched Alistair's face turn every shade of red known to man.

Quickly he jumped off of her, pulling his hand as close to his chest as he could.

"See that could have been your prize if you were playing our game!" Zevran insisted as he walked over to the two Wardens.

"I—I uh… I didn't want to…" Alistair started unsure how to say any of what was on his mind.

"What I am not desirable enough for you?" Merlissia asked plainly… "Oh, wait… I know why…" she said quietly as she walked passed Alistair shaking her head.

"Maker… I'm too old for this," Irving said as he pushed himself from the ground as Merlissia approached.

"Irving? Are you alright?" Wynne asked nervously.

"I've… been better. But I am thankful to be alive. I suppose that is your doing, isn't it, Wynne?" Irving asked calmly.

"I wasn't alone… I had help," she answered calmly.

"The Circle owes both of you a debt we will never be able to repay. Come, the templars await. We shall let them know the tower is once again ours," Irving announced, the relief was clear to see even as tired as the old mage must have been. "I'll need you to guide me down the stairs… Ah, curse whoever insisted the Circle be housed in a tower," he complained as he watched Merlissia smirk.

"Irving? Maker's breath, I did not expect to see you alive," Greagoir said surprised.

"It is over, Greagoir. Uldred… is dead," Irving explained calmly as Merlissia wandered over to the templar serving as a merchant. Selling off what goods she didn't want. Buying two cloaks and a new pack in exchange.

"Uldred tortured these mages, hoping to break their wills and turn them into abominations. We don't know how many of them have turned," the templar said quietly voicing his worries.

"I believe order has been restored to the Circle," Merlissia said loudly from behind the templars, clearly uninterested in their discussion.

"We will rebuild. The Circle will go on, and we will learn from this tragedy, and be strengthened by it," Irving said softly with an appreciative nod to Merlissia and her companions.

"We have won back the tower. I will accept Irving's assurance that all is well…. Thank you, you have proven yourself a friend of both the Circle, and the templars," Greagoir said calmly as he ignored the other templar's nerves.

"It had to be done," Merlissia said with a shrug as she adjusted her new pack.

"I promised you aid, but with the Circle restored, my duty is to watch the mages. They are free to help you, however. Speak to them," Greagoir said as he watched her shake her head.

Slowly, Merlissia turned to the First Enchanter as he began to speak to her. "Here we are, the tower in disarray, the Circle nearly annihilated… though it could have been much, much worse. I am glad you arrived when you did. It's almost as though the Maker Himself sent you."

"Ha! I doubt that. I'm glad I could help, but I need allies to defend against the Blight," Merlissia said plainly. "I wish I could say I was just a do-gooder, but alas we all have our motivations," she admitted freely.

"The least we can do is help you against the darkspawn. I would hate to survive this only to be overcome by the Blight," he admitted.

"So I have your word?" Merlissia questioned bluntly.

"You have my word, as first enchanter. The Circle will join the Grey Wardens in the fight," He agreed.

"Thank you… but I do need another favor. Arl Eamon's son has been possessed by a demon, I was told that with enough mages and lyrium it would be possible to send a mage into the Fade to kill the demon without harming the boy," Merlissia explained as she watched Irving ponder the predicament.

"Yes… yes it is possible. I will gather what is needed and meet you back at Redcliffe," he said thoughtfully.

"Here," Merlissia said quickly as she scribbled down a note before giving it to Irving. "Give this to Bann Teagan when you arrive," Merlissia instructed with a polite bow.

After a few more polite words and a surprising offer from Wynne to join their ragtag group Merlissia was set to head off, completely forgetting that they were heading to the one place in all of Ferelden she had no interest in going.

The boat ride back to the shore felt twice as long as it should as they sat in silence. Each member finding their own way to avoid another's eyes until Wynne finally spoke up.

"Thank you Warden… if it weren't for you… I would never have seen past that illusion," Wynne admitted. "But… might I ask… How should I address any of you?" she asked watching as Merlissia's shoulders bounced.

"I suppose that would be proper, since we just cleared out an entire tower of abominations together. Merlissia is fine," she said with a shrug. "And this is Leliana, she added motioning to the cloistered sister who was sitting beside the templar rowing them across the river.

"Merlissia? Merlissia who?" Wynne inquired curiously as she looked the warden over, noticing how everyone's ears perked at her question.

"That's it.. that's all that is necessary," she said bluntly as she looked off into the lake.

"Alright, once we land we'll head north and try to get as far as we can before we have to set camp. We're already not too far but if we can get a couple hours in we'll arrive by midday tomorrow," Alistair suggested as he looked over a map.

Instantly Merlissia remembered where they were headed and dreaded it.  _ I would go through the damned tower again if it meant I didn't have to go there _ she thought desperately as she tried to keep her expression to herself. 


	21. Going Back

She pulled the hood of her cloak up as she looked to the city gates in the distance.  _ It won’t be long and I'll be ho.. there… _ Merlissia thought, refusing to call this land home. Gratefully, she waited for the others to catch up to her. She had made an effort to lead the group so that she would be the first to see it, and so that the others wouldn't see her face when she did. She took a deep breath, clinging to her cloak as she turned to see Alistair quietly talking to Wynne and Zevran with Leliana. No doubt attempting to bed the redhead she thought.

With that thought came a weight to her shoulders as she turned her attention back towards Highever.  _ How did I agree to come here… Maybe I should just tell him… what's so hard about that.. I can do it like he did… So, can we talk a minute… I probably should have told you this before but I'm a princess…. No, not really but I am Merlissia Cousland… the last of the Cousland line… Hypocrite _ she thought as she shook her head.

_ What if someone recognizes me? _ she wondered as she looked down to make sure her armor was concealed by the cloak. She felt her breath hitch as her anxiety threatened to over take her. Slowly, she pushed her foot out in front of her and forced herself to start moving, not looking up from the ground until she knew she was at the city gates and had to wait for the others.  _ You have to keep moving, she _ thought to herself. 

Her eyes traced up the grey stone, once familiar and inviting now looked more like what she would see in a dungeon than her city walls. Her eyes continued up the city gates until they found the top. With a silent gasp she clasped her hand over her mouth. She felt what little contents in her stomach twist into knots as her eyes took in the city gates in its entirety. Her eyes, dilated in a mixture of shock, disgust, and nausea as she felt herself losing control. Her knees began to shake as she found herself unable to look away as she heard her companions nearing.

"Maker's breath what is happening here? Highever is supposed to be one of the most successful cities in Ferelden… this… this looks nothing like I imagined," Alistair said as he looked over the evidence of battle that still remained.

Quickly, Merlissia moved pretending that she was fussing with her cloak instead of standing with her jaw dropped. Looking down to hide the undeniable horror that she knew screamed on her face.

"Not as inviting as you had led us to believe, Alistair," Zevran said as he pointed to the top of the city gates.

"What do you mean?" Leliana asked as she looked up following the direction that Zevran pointed to.

"Maker's breath… that's Bryce and Eleanor Cousland… The Cousland household…" Alistair stumbled as he stood with his jaw dropped in shock.

"Then, is that the famed beauty of Highever there?" Zevran asked as he pointed to Fergus' wife. "Such a shame to miss out in seeing such a jewel," he added with a light shrug, missing the way Merlissia's shoulders sagged with his words.

"I thought they were well respected members of the landsmeet, but their heads are on pikes. Something is wrong or there is something dark about the Couslands that they kept hidden away," Leliana said as she looked over to Alistair.

"Whatever the case, we're here. Split up and see if you can find out any information, in our case that's the only power we have… We'll meet back up in two hours," Merlissia ordered coldly. "And Alistair, don't go anywhere alone," she added quickly as she walked into the city and headed immediately to her right down an alley.

"How do we know where to go?" Alistair asked dumbly as he watched Merlissia disappear.

"How does she know where she's going?" Wynne asked curiously as she looked over the remaining members of the group.

"She said she was from around this area, I don't know much more about her really," Alistair admitted as he walked into the city. "I suppose we better get started, Zevran you'll come with me," he said as he turned around to find that the elf was nowhere to be found. "When did he? Well, I suppose that's out then… I guess, shall we go then?" Alistair said as he looked to Wynne and Leliana with a shy smile.

"Can you really trust someone you don't know anything about to lead a war against the archdemon?" Leliana asked quietly as they walked through the muddy streets.

"I… I don't know… So far she has gotten us through everything," Alistair answered.

"Wait, so she's not the senior Warden?" Wynne asked in her typical motherly tone as she watched Alistair flinch.

"No… She became a Warden the night of the battle at Ostegar," he admitted quietly. "I don't know… she's never asked me of my past… so I've never asked about hers," he admitted as Leliana found a tavern that she wanted to go listen in.

**

Merlissia felt the strength in her steps finally beginning to come back as she found herself further and further away from the city gates… further away from them.  _ Maker… I am so sorry _ she thought as she passed by the city people she had known for years, thankful for the mage's cloak that only revealed the tip of her nose as well as her lips and chin. So far, she couldn't have asked for much better.

For a moment, she paused. Turning her head over her right shoulder as she listened.  _ Of course he would follow me _ she thought as she pretended to look around for what she knew she wouldn't see. Slowly she continued on as if her body knew exactly where to go down these streets. She knew it had just been weeks since all of this started, but the air was heavy and that the scars on her heart were still too fresh.

Finally she looked up to see a small shop set up on the outskirts of the town.  _ Maker please still be there Wilfred, _ she thought as she approached the small tented merchant stall, her eyes scanning the area as she walked in. Quietly she kept herself busy looking at his wares until the other customers had left his tent.

"Buy something or get out," Wilfred demanded sternly as he came in front of her downcast eyes.

"Now, that's no way to speak to a customer, is it?" Merlissia asked as she looked up, pulling the hood of her cloak back some. She tilted her head to the side as she watched the elder merchant stumble a few steps backward.

"Maker… I … My-" he stuttered in gasps for breath, stopping when he saw her quickly shake her head. "It can't be…" he whispered as he reached out for her.

Gently she took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before she moved to open her cloak, as if the man needed to see more proof that it was here. When his eyes fell onto her armor, she could see the tears swell in his eyes as he saw it.

"What? What can I do for you? Whatever you need just take it," he offered softly as he looked back up to her.

_ Who is she? He looks upon her as if in complete adoration _ Zevran thought as he watched the two interact in the tent from the shadows.

"I'm going to need new armor," she said sadly.

"I suppose that is true… you can't walk around in that for now… it's too dangerous," he agreed as he turned to see what he could find for her.

Quickly, Merlissia turned around and motioned at the door knowing Zevran was watching her. A few moments later the tanned elf made his way into the modest tent. "You might as well be in here with me if you're that intent on spying on me," Merlissia said as she watched Wilfred turn back to see the elf in his tent. Hesitantly he glanced from one to the other. "He's okay Wilfred," Merlissia assured him.

"We're going to need bedrolls, tents… food if you can spare it," she added with a soft smile. “I’m sorry to burden you, my friend,” she said calmly as he nodded in agreeance. 

"Life on the road then," Wilfred said. "I don't have everything… can you come back in a while and I will have everything you could need," he asked quietly as they heard the heavy steps of guards walking nearby followed by the echoes of the guard's deep voice made their way into the tent.

_ "I know you don't like it here… but what can you do? At least you're still alive," _

_ "Yes, but this is wrong. How can I serve the family that slaughtered those I pledged my loyalty to?" _ the other asked as they walked into the tent to make sure everything was as it should be.

From the corner of her eye she looked as she swore she recognized his voice. She could barely see him through the new armor he was wearing.  _ Please… Maker please speak again… I know it's you _ she pleaded as she held her breath, looking desperately towards Wilfred for some sign that she was right.

"Was that? Sir Gilmore?" Merlissia asked breathlessly, shocked to see him alive.

"Yes… Do you wish me to fetch him?" Wilfred asked quickly. Without waiting for an answer he ran out of the tent after the guards. A few seconds went by before Wilfred's voice echoed as he insisted that the guard come to see an item in his shop.

Zevran watched as Merlissia stood as still as a statue in the middle of the man's tent as Wilfred returned with one of the guards following hot on his heels.

"Old man this better be worth my time, I am on patrol and if they find out that I am not where I should I'll be flogged," the guard said harshly, but there was no malice in his words.

Without a word, Wilfred disappeared into the back of his tent. Leaving Merlissia and Zevran alone in the room with the guard.

"Maker no?" the guard questioned in shock as he grasped his sword, unsure of what was going on.

"… Ser Gilmore?" Merlissia questioned weakly, oblivious to how interested Zevran was to this interaction.

Immediately he recognized her voice as he pulled his sword from its sheath. Zevran stood, unmoved as he observed the two.

"That voice… What manner of sorcery is this? What do you want!" he threatened bitterly, narrowing his eyes on the cloaked figure.

"There is no sorcery Ser Gilmore," Merlissia said as she took a step forward raising her hands peacefully.

The instant he saw her, the guard dropped his sword to the ground as if his fingers could no longer bear the weight of it. With his other hand he pulled off his helm, revealing his familiar red hair as well as a long scar that marred the side of his face.

"Merlissia?" He questioned before catching himself, distracted as she brushed her fingertips down the scar on his cheek. "I mean, my—" he stopped as she pressed her finger to his lips and shifted her eyes over towards Zevran.

"Maker's breath, how are you alive? I was certain no one survived that night," Gilmore asked in disbelief.

"I was too unfortunate to die with everyone else I suppose," she said with a shrug before she looked up to him.

"Your eyes… You're a Grey Warden now?" he asked as he brushed her hair from her face.

"I am," she answered with a frown.

"Take me with you, to join the Wardens," Gilmore insisted eagerly.

"I can't do that," she said sadly.

"What? You collect people all the time," Zevran said quickly.

"Stay out of this," Merlissia warned as she gave a quick glare towards Zevran. "I can't ask this of you… It's too dangerous," Merlissia admitted.

"But I can't stay here… not when it's like this. Let me help you once more," Gilmore pushed as he grabbed Merlissia's arm.

"I can't do this to you… Being a Grey Warden is a death sentence," she said softly as she looked up to him. "From the moment you become one you have maybe 30 years, unless Loghain kills us first," Merlissia said as she watched his eyes grow wide. "Not to mention… I don't know how…" she admitted as her shoulders fell.

"But I can get you out of here," she said firmly. "Meet me tonight, at midnight… You know where," Merlissia said softly as she looked up to him.

"Merlissia? Will this do… it's the best that I have that will fit you on such short notice…" Wilfred asked as he returned with some light armor in his arms.

"Perfect," she said happily. "What about you Wilfred, do you wish to remain here or leave?" Merlissia offered as she turned to the older man.

"This is no home of mine while a usurper remains in control," Wilfred said, "However I have no means to move on," he said sadly.

Looking back to Ser Gilmore she nodded, "Bring him with you," she said as she hugged him. "Maker I am so happy to see you alive," she whispered as she pulled herself into him.

"I'll see you tonight," Merlissia said before she glanced over to Zevran as she pulled up her hood and left the tent.

"I don't think Alistair would approve of you just randomly granting new additions to our team," Zevran said softly as he followed behind Merlissia.

"They're not coming with us, I'm just getting them out… And if you mention this to Alistair or the others…. You'll have to learn to piss sitting down if you know what I mean," she said coldly as she glanced over to see Zevran hesitate.

"Understood… Shall I accompany you then?" he asked hesitantly, unaccustomed to the coldness seething from Merlissia. He had seen her temper but with him she tended to warm up as if there was some commonality between them that she saw.

"If you want," Merlissia sighed as they found themselves on the docks. Quietly she looked over the ships to find one that looked familiar. Quickly she made her way down the docks until she found one that she was looking for.

With a quick glance she started looking for the captain, Sam. A young man, maybe a few years older than herself. Attractive enough, long dark hair always kept back in a loose braid, with tattoos covering both of his arms. Quickly she made her way onboard, immediately heading below deck.

"Ah, someone is living it up," Zevran said as he looked over some of the wine stored as they walked by.

"He was always into nice things," Merlissia said as she followed the moaning coming from down the hall. "And women," she added as she walked up to the door. Gently she tried the knob. Locked.

"Allow me," Zevran offered as he crouched in front of her and pulled out two thin rods and easily picked the lock.

Quietly she opened the door with a quick nod to Zevran as she leaned herself up against the large chest of drawers as she pulled her hood down. Zevran made his way to the other side of the door unnoticed.

"Still just into blondes?" Merlissia asked loudly as the girl took a break from her moaning.

The blonde screamed and rolled off of him, grasping at his sheets to cover herself as Sam had gotten up pointing his sword at Zevran before turning to see who his intruder was.

"Merlissia? As I live and breath!" he called as he hurried over to hug her.

Zevran watched as Merlissia tried to back herself away from him as far as she could. "You're naked and you have  _ her _ all over you!" she protested as he hesitated in front of her.

With a laugh he pulled the sheet away from the blonde and wrapped it around his waist as he proceeded to tell the blonde to get out as he hugged Merlissia.

"That's better I guess," she laughed.

"You know… I would consider trying a dark haired girl… if it were you," he said in a husky tone as he fisted his hand into her hair, pulling it slightly.

"As fun as that sounds," she said as she bit her bottom lip, "I don't have time for our games," she admitted with a playful pout.

"I figured as much," he said with a sigh as he sat back on his bed. "For what it's worth… I'm sorry about everything," he said softly as he cautiously eyed Zevran.

"He's fine… Sam… I need a favor," she said with a shrug. "I need you to smuggle two people from here… and I think it would be wise if you stayed out of Ferelden for a while… things aren't very stable here if you haven't noticed," she explained casually.

"Noted… I have been thinking about that myself… Who and when?" he said bluntly, his brown eyes serious.

"Ser Gilmore and Wilfred. I'm thinking Kirkwall would be the best place for them," Merlissia said as she walked in a small part of his room. "Tonight at midnight," she added, watching as he nodded.

"I could do that…" he started with a sly smirk.

"But?"

"I want one thing in return," he said as his smirk became devilish.

"And that is?" She asked as she chanced a quick glance to see how Zevran was taking all of this, from what she saw he could not have cared less about her actions.

"A kiss," Sam said quickly, "For old times sake… if something happens to either of us I'd hate for it to miss the chance," he explained as he stood up. "Those are my terms," he said firmly.

"I… think I can manage that," she said as she sauntered over to him, pressing her hand firmly against his chest as she rubbed up to his neck. Pulling him down until his lips were pressing against hers.

His hands found their way to her waist as their tongues played. Gently he bit his teeth down on her lip as he pulled away from her.

"Thank you," Merlissia whispered with a slight blush glowing on her cheeks.

"Maker protect you Merlissia," Sam said with a rare genuine smile.

"May he protect us all," she said as she pulled her hood up and hurried back to meet with Alistair and the others.

"I'm so glad that you're not Alistair right now," Merlissia said as they walked back towards the city gates.

"Ah, yes… His head would probably have exploded after that," Zevran said lightly trying to hide the curiosity of what it felt like to press his lips on hers.

"Hmmm… So what do we do? Sneak off while they are asleep? Convince them to go back to Redcliffe without us?," Merlissia asked nervously as she glanced at Zevran for help.

"The best scenario, as far as keeping a secret is concerned, would be for them to head back towards Redcliffe without us. No chances there… but as far as safety goes having them nearby is key," Zevran said plainly. "Warden, if I may… why not ask them for help in this?"

"I don't want questions… I don't ask any of anyone because I don't want them. It doesn't matter what manner of screw-up I am… I'm a Grey Warden, defender of Theadas… born to die," she said sadly with a shrug. "Who I was doesn't matter… This is what I am now," she said hollowly.

"Can we do this? Just the two of us?" Merlissia asked as she looked over to Zevran. For once he saw something gentle behind them, almost vulnerable. That was when he noticed her eyes. They were green as the forest trees with golden centers, as if it were the sun shining down. But there was something more, silver cracks that make their way through the colors. He forgot to breathe when he saw her eyes for the first time


	22. Goodbye

Merlissia sat on a hard wooden stool as the others discussed what they had learned from the city thus far. Disinterested, Merlissia stared into the bowl of stew that sat in front of her, just waiting to be touched. Hopelessly she glared at the stew as if it offended her.

Her senses were off, she had blocked out all the noise in the tavern, her companions and all. She barely realized she was staring when she felt a leg brush up against hers under the table. Quickly she looked up to see Zevran dipping his spoon into his bowl as he watched her. When she didn't do the same he hit her leg with his again until she followed suit.

Slowly she started to pay attention to what was going on around her again. She was starting to notice the looks she was getting, hoping to notice that no one else would have the same instincts as she did. Unfortunately, she saw that Zevran was acutely aware of all the attention they were receiving as she was.

"Well Alistair, it sounds like you figured this all out," Zevran said encouragingly. "Then shall we be on our way? It is beginning to get dark and we have a boy to save no?" he pushed comfortably.

"I… yes, we should be on our way, we are already a day behind… I didn't expect the tower to take so long," Alistair said with a frown as he dropped some coins down to pay for their dinners.

Slowly Merlissia shook her head, grateful that no one else had picked up on the changing of the mood in the tavern. She looked over to Zevran to see him pretending not to notice.

"I can't believe the Couslands were traitors to Ferelden… to make such deals with Orlais? What were they thinking?" Alistair thought out loud as they walked through the city gates.

_ We were working contracts with Orlais for the King _ Merlissia thought as she pulled her hood down further making it impossible for her to look up to the pikes.

"But to put their heads on pikes?" Leliana asked sadly as she looked back to them.

"That's what you do to traitors," Alistair said bluntly.

_ I'm not a traitor… _

"I mean they were the Cousland's… Known all across Ferelden for their integrity and their equality with their peoples. Loved by all of their people. I had never heard of a scandal involving their family before… I guess you can't trust in everyone," Alistair added as his mind worked through his thoughts. "What did you find out?" Alistair asked as he turned to Merlissia.

"Oh, much of the same. Some supported the new family, some still favor the old," Zevran announced as he brushed his arm against Merlissia to get her to agree.

"But, I did notice one thing… It didn't strike me as interesting until I heard Alistair talking earlier," Zevran started as he paused in his step.

Merlissia tried to recall if she had noticed anything too out of sorts, wondering if this was Zevran’s ploy or perhaps he was suggesting she had been acting strangely.. She felt the blood leaving her face as she held her breath, waiting for Zevran to continue.

"There was a man there… I believe I had seen him when I was dealing with Loghain. He would have made a perfect character witness for me," Zevran said with a laugh, "But in all seriousness… Maybe this business and that Loghain fellow are connected… He would have been someone interesting to interrogate, no?" Zevran asked as he looked to the templar.

"What?! You're just now saying something about that?" Merlissia shouted as she unconsciously hit the back of her hand on his bicep.

"Like I said, I didn't think it was relevant until Alistair had started talking about treaties and such," Zevran explained quickly as Merlissia peered up to him.

_ Maker please let this be a rues _ she thought as she turned towards Zevran. He stood over her, calm and collected as ever. "Well, we have to go back…" Merlissia said hastily.

"No, we can't afford the time from Redcliffe… we're already late," Alistair insisted. "Whatever happened there doesn't matter," Alistair added as he shook his head.

“It’s not just what happened here! If this man was a connection to Loghain we might be able to get more information of how long Loghain had been planning this! It might have been a strategic decision or perhaps he was plotting this all along, This is our way to find out!” Merlissia explained as she looked to the other grey warden. 

"Go on to Redcliffe and assist Bann Teagan and the mages, I’m going back," Merlissia ordered as she turned back towards Highever, stopping only when Alistair grabbed her wrist.

"We don't have time!" Alistair insisted.

“We have to have time. We need any kind of lead we can get,” she insisted. "Stop arguing with me and get going!  _ You _ chose not to lead us,  _ you _ chose to sit back and watch while I made all the decisions. I said go to Redcliffe. I sent a note by the first enchanter describing what is to be done. Now go see to it, we will meet you back at Redcliffe," Merlissia said as she pushed her shoulders out. She wasn't going to back down… not now…  _ This has to work _ she thought as she glared into Alistair's eyes.

"Zevran?" she asked quietly as she turned back to Highever.

With a polite bow Zevran followed behind Merlissia, leaving Alistair and the two women alone to go back to Redcliffe. She waited until she was out of sight before she let out a heavy sigh, "Thank you," she whispered as she looked down to her boots.

"Ah, don't mention it Warden… It's like a game to pull one over on your brother-in-arms… Plus he hates me anyway," Zevran said with a shrug.

"Well, you can't really blame him… it's hard to warm up to someone who tried to kill you… but it is not like he has given you an opportunity to prove yourself either," she admitted as she tilted her head looking up to his strong jaw.  _ He's handsome even when he's frowning… _ she thought briefly before he turned to see her looking up to him.

"Ah, but you welcomed me warmly my dear Warden," Zevran said as he arched his brow.

“I saw your eyes,” Merlissia answered softly as she remembered the way he had looked at her in battle. She knew his heart was not in it. 

"I did what was needed. I couldn't..." she added as she noticed a quiet gap in their conversation. "I wasn't going to throw away help…" she finished as she rubbed her hand down her forearm. "Plus, my armor has never shined prettier," she added as she looked over it.

"Ah-ha so you noticed!" he laughed with a smile showing off his pearly white canines.

"Of course I did… You really don't have to do things like that. I do not need a servant," she explained softly as she marveled at the way her armor shined in the dying sunlight. With a quick breath, she turned and cupped his cheek with her hand as she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. Slowly, she kissed him again before letting her hand slide down the contours of his cheek as she hid back under her cloak.

"Oh, what was that for? I have not saved you," Zevran said as he brought his hand to his cheek.

"But you're saving them and it means just as much to me," she said softly as they approached the thick woods that were near Highever. Carefully she turned off the road and headed into the deep woods.

"Here… hold on to these," Merlissia said as she pulled off the belts holding her swords and daggers.

"What?" he asked quickly as he watched her drop her cloak to the ground behind her as she busied herself with the different buckles to her armor. Her hands easily opened them, loosening the armor that fit her body perfectly as she pulled it off and placed it delicately on her blanket.

It wasn't long before she was standing before him in her tight under shirt and some loose pants. Slowly she wrapped her armor in the blanket and tied it into a neat square pack.

"Hmmm," she hummed to herself as she dug through her pack for what Wilfred had given her earlier. Quietly she pulled out a small bundle.

"Here," Zevran said as he held out her dagger so she could cut the ties holding her bundle closed.

Quickly she unrolled it to find a pair of leather pants, a large over shirt and a small sheet of chain mail. "Humph," she grumbled as she looked it over to see that it wasn't just any chainmail, that it was dwarven made and the pants weren't just leather. She wasn't sure about them but she could tell they were worth more than a gift.

"Well, this is going to be new," she said as she untied the small knot in her loose pants and dropped them down to her ankles. She could feel her cheeks beginning to flush as she reached for the black leather pants.  _ He's seen his share of naked women, why are you worried? What does it matter? _ she thought embarrassedly as she pulled the string taunt and tied a new knot.

Quickly she took a peek up to see that Zevran had actually turned around, trying to provide her with a little privacy as she changed. For a moment, she thought maybe, just maybe he wasn't as lecherous as he put himself off to be. Without a word she held up the chainmail, trying to figure out what Wilfred had in mind.

Carefully, she wrapped the heavy chain around her chest tightening the buckles along the one side. Disgruntled, she frowned at the gap in the links that she needed to have room for her chest, for the sake of having protection she pulled the buckle a little tighter. Looking down at herself she began to laugh.  _ Great it's almost like a corset… who is going to take me seriously like this? _ she thought as she looked at herself.

"This doesn't scream, 'fear me' does it?" Merlissia asked as she pulled at her undershirt as Zevran turned back to look at her.

"Ah, yes… that does look like a bit of a mess," he admitted as he looked her over. His eyes dancing over the way her new pants clung to her shapely legs. Patiently he waited to see if she would turn around and give him the full view but his eyes made their way back to the fabric she was pulling at. He watched patiently as she picked up her dagger and stabbed it into her undershirt and proceeded to cut the fabric even with the chainmail.

"Here," he offered as he held out his hand to take the dagger and finish going around her shoulders before pulling the fabric over her head. For a minute he marveled at her skin. For a moment he considered the consequences of touching her exposed skin and just in that second… he thought it was worth it.

"Who wears armor like this? Alistair is going to think I'm a whore in dress up!" Merlissia argued, annoyed with the way things were turning out.

"I doubt he'd be able to look at you again," Zevran said with a devilish smile.

"Not helping… how am I supposed to be this feared Grey Warden with my tits hanging out… no one will take me seriously," Merlissia complained as she shook her head.

"Ah, but when you have a dagger to your throat the last thing someone is thinking about is the armor you are wearing… They remember the look in your eyes if they are lucky enough to survive," Zevran said as he handed her weapons back to her.

"Plus, I believe you look more fearsome this way," he said as he watched her replace her belts. "Before your armor hid your strengths…" he said as he picked up her cloak as she pulled the loose shirt Wilfred had given her over her head. With a quick scowl she pulled her arm through the large opening since the shirt wouldn't fit her properly. Frustrated she looked the shirt over debating on whether to keep it when she felt her cloak over her shoulders.

"You think I have strengths?" Merlissia asked in half disbelief before she caught herself.  _ You are one of the only Grey Wardens in all of Ferelden.. you have to be strong _ she thought as she clasped her cloak over her chest.

"Indeed, it's clear to see now. You are strong, a quick glance at your shoulder will tell anyone that… but there are other strengths to be found," Zevran said as he looked up to the sky. "But that is neither here nor there.. we should move on," he added quickly.

"Here… This is where they should come," Merlissia said as she looked up at the old tree, the leaves as if reflecting its age were white and swayed low to the ground as if mourning. Quietly Merlissia walked up and stroked her hand over the bark of the tree, remembering all the times that she had spent by this tree.

"Are you sure about this?" Zevran asked hesitantly as he leaned up against the tree.

"Yes. I owe him a lot. My life. It will never truly be safe for him here…," she said with a soft smile trying to reassure herself as well as him.

"So… who is he to you?" Zevran asked quietly as he looked down to the Warden watching as her smile fell to a frown.

"He was the captain of the guard for the Cousland's. A strong, honorable man," she answered, hoping that he would accept the answer even though she didn't answer what he asked.

"Ah, but that is not what I asked…" Zevran insisted as he watched her smirk.

"Just a friend. He taught me how to fight properly," she said with a sheepish smile.

"You would risk it all for, just a friend?" Zevran asked curiously as he began to rub his bicep for warmth.

"Wouldn't you?" she asked quickly as she looked up to Zevran questioningly. "He's worth the risk…He stood…” She puased. “He is worth it. If something does go awry you're clever enough to get away and there is still a Grey Warden roaming about," she said softly as she waited for them to arrive. “I will now abandon him” she whispered to herself.

For a while Merlissia sat, leaning up against the tree with her knees pulled up to her chest silently waiting for them.  _ Please come on… you should be here _ she thought as she took a quick look to the side when she heard some movement in the brush.  _ Please _ she begged as she watched. Quietly she stood placing her hand on her sword as she watched two figures approach.

"Mer?" the one said quietly.

Instantly she smiled and brought her hood down. "It's me… Are you alright?" she asked quietly as the pair pulled their hoods back. For the first time since this began relief surged through her veins as Ser Gilmore ran to her, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace.

"I wish this wasn't like this," he said softly as he ran his fingers along her jaw.

“I’m so sorry,” Merlissia cried softly. “Ser Gilmore, what you did,” she started as a tear streaked down her cheek.

"But we still live and one day, maybe everything will be as it should be," Merlissia whispered as she looked up to his soft eyes. "I don't know when… but I will make things right," she promised.

"And I will be there…" he started as he looked over to see Zevran standing beside the tree still. "You only brought him?" Gilmore asked nervously as he watched her nod. "One man to protect against…" he started as he heard Zevran laugh.

"Sometimes, a large group is at more risk than a few," Zevran insisted in his usual clout.

"He's skilled enough to get us through," Merlissia said as she looked to Zevran with a smile.  _ Maker let me be right about you, she _ thought before turning her gaze back Gilmore and Wilfred. "He's an Antivan Crow, I'm sure he knows a thing about sneaking around in the dark," she explained as she saw the worry in Ser Gilmore's features, making sure to leave out the part where Zevran tried to kill her once. Something told her that tidbit wouldn't help anything.

"You ready?" Merlissia asked softly as she looked to the both of them. "I have arrangements set up already and we can't be late," she insisted as she turned back to the tree picking up the pack carrying her armor.

“Where are we going?” Ser Gilmore questioned as he watched Merlissia.

"I figure Kirkwall will be the safest place for you both… Ferelden isn’t safe," Merlissia said as they appeared in the woods near the docks. "Here," she said, pushing the pack into Ser Gilmore's arms. "Take this… sell it…. You'll know how much it is worth. It should get you into the city and a place to stay," she said quietly as she looked at him.

"What is it?" he asked curiously as he felt the weight of it in his arms.

"It doesn't matter… It will get you what you need… I won't be able to contact you… " she paused… "But once this is all over,If I am still alive I will seek you out," she smiled as she turned back towards the ships to see Sam's just docking.

"Merlissia… here… I snuck this from the castle," he said as he handed her a small back with foods and other necessities packed inside.

She could feel her heart wrenching inside her as she lead the way, clinging to the shadows. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever thought she would every have to sneak around her home. "Stay here, I'm going to make sure everything is set," Merlissia whispered as she looked around the corner to see the nearest guard was heading in the opposite direction. Quietly she ran across the docks to Sam's ship, easily jumping onboard. Quietly she made her way to the wheel.

"Hey," Gilmore said as he turned to Zevran who turned his head from the woods to see the soldier looking to him. "Here… give this to her later on… she wont accept it if I give it to her. I owe her a lot…" he said softly as he gave a pack to Zevran. "Some of her favorite things," he added with a shrug.

"I know, you don't know me.. and owe me nothing," Gilmore said quietly as he glanced to see Merlissia slowly making her way back. "Watch over her… what she survived… She…" he stumbled with his words nervously. "She's not as strong as she makes herself out to be," he finished with a silent nod as Merlissia came back saying that everything was set, that Sam was taking them to Kirkwall.

Quietly, the four made their way to the shadows beside Sam's boat, waiting for the guards to finish their inspection before they could make a move. They waited for a while before anyone said a word.

"Merlissia… Will you not reconsider allowing me to join you?” Ser Gilmore asked intently. “If this is to be the end," Ser Gilmore started. “I wish to be by your side,” he finished quietly.

“Ser Gilmore, I would trust you with my life,” Merlissia started sadly. “But I can’t allow that. What you have done for me already… I cannot put you in any more danger,” she added

“This has to be goodbye for now,” Merlissia said strongly. 

Quietly she watched Wilfred climbed aboard Sam's ship followed by Ser Gilmore. The further away he got, she felt some of the burden in her heart lift with the closer he got to safety. “Thank you for everything!!” Merlissia screamed, unable to stop herself from thanking them both one last time before they left. the wind catching her loose hair blowing it into her face, blurring her vision as she watched the ship beginning to sail away..

A swift burning on her cheek made her turn her attention away to see guards charging their way. Quickly she looked back to the ship to see Ser Gilmore bowing to her. Slowly she shook her head as Zevran pulled his daggers slitting the throat of the guard that was too close.

"Come on."


End file.
